Sunday, November 30, 2014

Getting That Great Gift: Jane's Holiday Experiment (Week #5)

This was the fifth week of my holiday experiment, in which I am dating the same man for the eight weeks leading up to Christmas in order to get a special gift. Unfortunately, Glenn was unavailable this weekend. And as I couldn't find him at his favorite bowling alley Friday evening, I can only assume his absence was due to family obligations for the Thanksgiving holiday. Especially as things went so well last weekend. I will ask him about it when I'm able to get a hold of him, and I'll let him make it up to me this coming week by accepting two dates from him.

For those of you who are dating, don't be concerned if you didn't receive a nice gift for Thanksgiving, as it is not a traditional gift-giving holiday.

Thursday, November 27, 2014

Grandmother Winsome's Thanksgiving Advice: Wrapping Up

Kiddies, several of you have written to me, concerned about the Thanksgiving holiday and the stress of having guests in your home. Well, Grandmother is here to help. Here are several ways you can let your guests know it’s time for them to leave after Thanksgiving dinner.
  • Burn the dessert 
  • Turn up the music so people can’t hear each other  
  • Turn off the furnace
  • Tell your guests the toilet is backed up 
  • Tell them there have been a lot of car thefts at night in the area 
  • Remind them of the great deals they can get at stores if they get up early enough
  • Announce that it’s time for cleanup 
  • Bring up old conflicts
  • Talk about your money problems 
  • Say you’ve run out of alcohol 
  • Turn off the lights

Grandmother Winsome's Thanksgiving Advice: Conversation Topics

Kiddies, I've received many messages the past week from fans seeking help in coping with the Thanksgiving holiday. Last night I addressed concerns regarding preparations. Another concern is the Thanksgiving meal conversation. We’re often told of topics to avoid. But which topics should we pursue? Well, Grandmother is here to help. Here is a list of conversation topics which will be interesting without leading to conflicts.
  • Why it’s important to have sunglasses with you even on a cloudy day  
  • Why light bulbs are suddenly more expensive 
  • What you would name a street were it up to you
  • How photography is now a more affordable hobby
  • The resurgence of vinyl records and whether it will last 
  • The likelihood of ever having flying cars 
  • Advantages of the metric system
  • Why maps are still important 
  • If you owned a sports team, the colors you'd choose for their uniforms 
  • Candies that are no longer manufactured
  • Places you might like to visit 
  • What kind of bird you would like to be

Wednesday, November 26, 2014

Grandmother Winsome's Thanksgiving Advice: Preparations

I've received many messages regarding Thanksgiving, and the stress that goes along with it. Well, Grandmother is here to help. Here are several things to consider when preparing for the big day.
  • Check to make sure your guests have no dietary restrictions
  • Purchase a large mat to put just inside your door for all your guests' shoes
  • Give your guests a firm start time, so they're not surprising you by arriving early 
  • Make a mix CD of songs that will keep you in good spirits
  • Keep to a minimum all food and drink that could stain 
  • Make sure you have plenty of napkins
  • Remove any breakables from your dining room and living room
  • Designate one room in the house as off-limits by closing the door (This will be a room you can sneak off to in moments of need)
  • Stock your off-limits room with a special stash of alcohol or other relaxation aids
  • Remind yourself that Thanksgiving will be over soon

Sunday, November 23, 2014

Getting That Great Gift: Jane's Holiday Experiment (Week #4)

My holiday is starting to look brighter. Last night I had my fourth date with Glenn, and I'm pleased to say that a lot of progress has been made. We didn't go bowling, as we did the first two dates. And the date didn't start at noon, as last week's did. This was a fully proper Saturday night date, with an elegant dinner at a restaurant with wait staff and utensils and cloth napkins. Glenn even picked me up, after I told him that my car had a flat tire.

The night went really well, and I even learned Glenn's last name. While I was glancing at the bill to get a tally on how much money he was spending, he placed his credit card down on it, and I was able to make out his entire name. I also noticed that the card is valid well into next year. This is important, in case I want to extend this experiment to my birthday. Of course, that all depends on what Glenn buys me for Christmas. But progress has been made, as he spent a large enough sum on this date, close to the amount of the three previous dates combined. So I'm now back on course to achieving my Christmas goal.

If you haven't picked a man yet, you still have a chance to attain that great gift. To get all eight dates in, which is the amount I calculated as necessary for receiving a substantial Christmas gift, set up two dates each week.  If necessary, you could allow for one mid-week date.

Monday, November 17, 2014

Fanny Mail: An Update From Agnes

Hi, Kiddies! You'll recall that in August I received a message from Agnes Whitaker of Poughkeepsie, New York. She had a question about getting her new cat to wear her old cat's fur. Then in early October I heard from Agnes again, when she sought advice on getting her new cat to clean her old cat's fur as if it were its own. I told her she needed to have that fur professionally cleaned, and that with proper cat storage the fur shouldn't be in danger of getting filthy again.

This weekend, I received an update from Agnes on her cat situation. Agnes writes: "Dear Grandmother Winsome, thank you for your thoughtful advice. You were right. The cat did not start cleaning the fur itself, so I removed the coat. However, due to a prior problem with the neighborhood dry cleaner, I decided to do the cleaning job myself. And though the fur has now regained its original softness, the coat shrank a bit in the process. I did manage to fit the coat back onto the cat, but only after shaving the cat's own fur off, and still it was a tight squeeze. The cat has been whining, so I stopped feeding it, hoping it would lose a little weight and allow the coat to fit better. But now I'm wishing that I had put in the effort to find another dry cleaner to have the coat professionally cleaned, as you suggested."

Sweetie, I'm glad to hear that your original cat's fur once again has that softness that you so love. And if your current cat fails to lose the weight soon, you could obtain a smaller cat that will better fit the now-shrunken coat. Either way, I hope you're able to enjoy the fur this holiday season.

Sunday, November 16, 2014

Getting That Great Gift: Jane's Holiday Experiment (Week #3)

Christmas is coming, and this year I am determined to get a special gift. So I've decided to conduct a little holiday experiment and date the same man every weekend leading up to the big day. Men don’t feel obligated to invest enough money in a gift if they haven’t invested enough time in the relationship. So you have to start early. I've calculated that eight dates are necessary for the man to spend a significant enough sum on the gift.

Yesterday was my third date with Glenn, and it was definitely an improvement over the first two, as we didn't go bowling. So progress is certainly being made toward the goal of getting that special Christmas gift. This was more of a proper date: a movie and a meal. We got an early start. A bit earlier than I would have liked, actually. We met at the movie theater for a noon matinee. We got to the restaurant by two, and the whole thing was over by three. Though this date felt a bit rushed, I was still able to make some use of it by dropping in some important hints. During the movie I nudged Glenn whenever the female lead was shown with a beautiful piece of jewelry or a gorgeous fur.

Next week our date should begin at a more proper date time, no earlier than seven. Glenn told me he'd get back to me in a few days to let me know his schedule.

Saturday, November 8, 2014

Getting That Great Gift: Jane's Holiday Experiment (Week #2)

Christmas is coming. This year to make sure I get a really good gift, I’ve decided to date the same man for the eight weeks leading to Christmas. On Halloween Glenn and I had our first date, and it was to a bowling alley.

Last night we had our second date. And it was to the same bowling alley. Clearly, things were not progressing as they should, and I realized this might be a bit more work than I’d anticipated. It turns out that Friday is Glenn's normal bowling night. To make sure this experiment stays on course, I suggested we meet on Saturday next weekend.  After checking his calendar, he agreed.

Tuesday, November 4, 2014

Spread The Word

Help spread the word, Kiddies! If you patronize karaoke bars, insist that they include the Grandmother Winsome Theme Song in their play list, and be sure to sing it at least once every hour.

Monday, November 3, 2014

Cindy's Art Projects: Halloween Offering

Estelle Steadman sent me an email yesterday, asking me what Cindy’s been up to. I realized it’s been a long time since we’ve heard from Cindy. So I went to her room to see what she might contribute, and I found this drawing on the floor by her bed.

Saturday, November 1, 2014

Getting That Great Gift: Jane’s Holiday Experiment

Christmas will be here soon. The past few years I’ve been disappointed by the gifts I’ve received from men. This year I am determined to receive something substantial. To that end, I'm going to conduct a little experiment. I’ve decided to date the same man several times rather than many men once. I gave myself Halloween as a deadline to start this experiment, because that gives me eight weekends before Christmas, enough dates to make the man feel obligated to spend a significant amount of money on my gift.

I met Glenn at a bar on the 30th. He was seated by himself, and we soon struck up a conversation. He complimented me on the coat I was wearing, so I knew he was a man of good character. When I mentioned I had no plans for Halloween, he asked me to join him for the evening.

So last night we had our first date. He suggested we meet at his favorite bowling alley, which was located directly across the street from that bar. We bowled several games, and afterwards I mentioned that I was feeling hungry. Glenn said he was tired, and so we called it a night. It wasn’t an ideal date, as bowling isn't my favorite activity, but I will be seeing him again next Friday.