Friday, March 27, 2015

Grandmother Winsome's Tips For Better Living

A walking stick is not only fashionable, but also useful in gently moving people out of your way on the sidewalk.

Thursday, March 26, 2015

Fanny Mail: A Word From Omaha

Hi, Kiddies! I'm always tickled pink to learn that even my older blog posts are reaching new fans. Today I received this email from Paul Meadows of Omaha, Nebraska: "Dear Grandmother Winsome, I came across the results of your poll, 'What Is The Most Enjoyable Way To Induce A Miscarriage?' Though the poll is obviously closed, I wanted to offer another way that I've found to be effective. I signed my wife up for guard dog training. All the trashing of her small frame really did the trick."

For those fans who haven't yet seen the results of that poll, click here.

Monday, March 23, 2015

Grandmother Winsome's Tips For Better Living

These days many traffic lights have cameras, so it's always a good idea to keep a few wigs in your car. Wear one whenever you're in a hurry.

Sunday, March 22, 2015

Allie And Cindy's Tree House

Allie and I spent all weekend working on our tree house, and it's finally done. It even has a small roof. Allie loves it so much, she suggested we live there full-time, and told me I should move all of my stuff out there. It sounded great until I realized my bed wouldn't fit, so we agreed the tree house will remain our secret hideout.

Fanny Mail: Action!

Kiddies, a few moments ago I received a delightful message from long-time fan Shelley Thomas, of Santa Barbara, California, and I want to share it with all of you. Shelley writes: "I encourage my children to make amateur horror films. That way, if they happen to be covered with real blood later, the neighbors will assume it's simply makeup for their newest masterpiece."

Friday, March 13, 2015

Fanny Mail: A Good Idea From A Fan

Today I received a delightful message that I'd love to share with all of you. Samantha Coolidge of Los Angeles writes: "I've been on a jury five times, and every time I pushed for a guilty verdict. I figure every person behind bars is a person that won't be in front of me during rush hour."

Wednesday, March 11, 2015

Cindy's Best Friend

I am so happy because Allie was back in school today. I sort of expected her to have a cast on her leg or something, but she's all better. She even said how excited she is to get back to work on our tree house this weekend.

Tuesday, March 10, 2015

Cindy's Best Friend

I was looking out the window during class today, and thought I saw Allie in the school yard. So I got a bathroom pass and went outside to look for her, but couldn't find her. If she's not in school tomorrow, I'm going to go to her house to see how she is.

Monday, March 9, 2015

Cindy's Best Friend

Allie wasn't in school today. I'm worried that maybe she was hurt more than she let on when she fell out of the tree. I tried calling her as soon as I got home from school, but there was no answer.

Fanny Mail: Keeping A Child In School

This weekend I received a message from Linda Cruz of Phoenix, Arizona. Linda writes: "How do we convince our child to do more extracurricular activities? He likes to come home right after school, and my husband and I would prefer to have more time to ourselves in the afternoons."

Linda, you don't have to convince him of anything. You are the parent. You make the rules. Simply sign your child up for a sport or other activity. Pick one that is offered at the school so that you will not be burdened with having to provide transportation to your child, which would defeat the purpose. Or, if your child's grades could stand some improvement, you could hire someone to tutor him at the school. Another possibility is having your child do some volunteer work around the school grounds. Any of these ideas will provide you and your husband with the time you desire.

Sunday, March 8, 2015

Allie And Cindy's Tree House

This weekend Allie and I were determined to add walls and a roof to our tree house. We still had some of those white boards left over from building the floor, and so decided to use those. But while putting up the first wall, Allie took a tumble out of the tree and hurt herself. I had to help her all the way back to her house, and so work was put on hold before we finished even one wall. I hope Allie will be feeling good enough to be in school tomorrow.

Friday, March 6, 2015

Grandmother Winsome's Legal Advice

Before committing a crime in a new city, spend some time familiarizing yourself with the sound of the local police sirens. Sirens vary from place to place. You wouldn't want to rush a job if the siren you were hearing were that of an ambulance or firetruck.

Wednesday, March 4, 2015

Allie And Cindy's Tree House

Allie found a new welcome mat for our tree house, and this one doesn't say "The Richards" on it.

Monday, March 2, 2015

Grandmother Winsome's Tips For Better Living

If you are an amateur thief, consider practicing your trade at homes for the blind, where victims are less likely to pick you out of a police lineup if you're caught.

Sunday, March 1, 2015

Allie And Cindy's Tree House

All last week Allie and I were eager to get back to our tree house and continue working. We spent the entire day there yesterday and today, and it's now starting to come together. Today we hung the tire swing. Allie took the first ride and declared it "A whole lot of fun." Next week we plan to build the roof and some walls.

Fanny Mail: A Fan's Feedback

Hi, Kiddies! Today I received a delightful message from another satisfied fan. Leslie Wheeler of Albany, New York writes: "Dear Grandmother Winsome, I just wanted to thank you for the excellent advice on hiring the cheapest babysitter. Now I have enough money to go out twice a week!"

Wonderful, Sweetie! You go enjoy yourself.