Friday, June 30, 2017

A Tip From Edward

Because the ice cream truck jingle may not be sufficient to drown out a child's screams, always carry with you some thrash metal cassettes to play over the truck's outside speakers for when the need arises.

Tuesday, June 27, 2017

Grandmother Winsome's Legal Advice

Kiddies, if you're going to purchase a personalized license plate, be sure to avoid ones that would be easy for witnesses to remember. The best plate to buy is a confusing combination of the numeral 1 and the letters I and L. Something like "I111L1I" is sufficiently difficult to remember, or even see for that matter.

Monday, June 26, 2017

Grandmother Winsome's Legal Advice

Though you are able to purchase an engraved tombstone prior to someone's demise, do not include the date of death on it, just in case someone happens upon the stone before you're ready for it to be seen.

Sunday, June 25, 2017

Spread The Word

When filling out your will, be sure to stipulate that "Dedicated follower of Grandmother Winsome" must be engraved on your tombstone.

Wednesday, June 21, 2017

Cindy Visits Mrs. Chang

Today, when I went to the cemetery for Mrs. Chang's monthly grave cleaning, I found a lot of gum stuck to the headstone. It took me most of the afternoon to get it all scraped off, but now her stone looks as good as new. Happy birthday, Mrs. Chang!

Sunday, June 18, 2017

Spread The Word

Help spread the word, Kiddies! If you work at a bakery, write "Follow Grandmother Winsome" in pink on all the display cakes.

Friday, June 16, 2017

A Message From Grandmother Winsome

Not all cries for help should be answered.

Wednesday, June 14, 2017

Grandmother Winsome's Tips For Better Living

Even in summer, be sure to take a sweater with you if you travel by plane. It often gets cool in the aircraft cabin.

And, Kiddies, don't forget your peanuts.

Friday, June 9, 2017

Grandmother Winsome's Legal Advice

Kiddies, there is something to be said for hiding evidence in plain sight. So why not make a necklace out of the finger bones?

Tuesday, June 6, 2017

Jane's Tips For Social Interactions

Be nice to barbacks, for they are tomorrow's bartenders.

Monday, June 5, 2017

Edward's Business Adventures

What a great weekend. I took out the ice cream truck for its first trip of the season. It's hard to believe this will be my fourth year of serving delicious treats to deserving children. I decided to revisit some of my favorite parks from previous years, and the children there were excited to see me again. They came running as soon as I arrived. This promises to be a fun summer. And for those parents who have entrusted their illegal immigrant children to me, don't worry, this does not mean I will be neglecting the Traveling Babysitting Service. I left those kids in my associate's camper, and on days when I'm not too tired, I will check in on them after I've done my ice cream route.