Monday, December 26, 2016

Fanny Mail: End Of The Year Promotion

Kiddies, today I received an email from Walter Douglas of Lubec, Maine. Walter writes: "Dear Grandmother Winsome, I run a funeral business, and I've started a new promotion. You know how the first baby born in the new year receives free diapers and so on? Well, in my promotion, the last person who dies locally this year gets free flowers at his or her funeral. Of course, the person has to have died by natural causes. No cheating by committing suicide. Please share this promotion with your many fans in Maine."

Delighted to help, Sweetie! I hope your business flourishes in the coming year. Happy New Year!

Sunday, December 25, 2016

Grandmother Winsome's Christmas Message

Kiddies, I know this year has been trying, and the holidays are always a stressful time. But don't give up hope. Suicide is not the answer. The new year will bring many more Grandmother Winsome posts that you won't want to miss.

Friday, December 23, 2016

Fanny Mail: A Christmas Wish

Kiddies, today I received an email from Larry Hickey of Panama City Beach, Florida. Larry writes: "Dear Grandmother Winsome, for the Christmas season, I made a generous gift to a children's charity. But my child has yet to visit and thank me. It doesn't seem very Christmas-like for the child to get his wish while mine goes unfulfilled. I realize the child has to make the rounds, and I am willing to wait until New Year's Eve. After that, I feel I should get my money back. If I'm not going to get my Christmas wish, I'd just as soon put that fifty bucks toward repairs to my truck."

Well, Larry, if you feel you haven't received what you paid for, you can contact the Better Business Bureau. Or, to save you the time and hassle, just call your credit card company and tell them that an unauthorized charge was made on your card. They get so many calls during the holiday season that they'll probably reverse the charge without an investigation.

Friday, December 16, 2016

Winsome Family Christmas Tips

Though it is an exhausting commitment caring for a family member with Alzheimer's, there is the benefit of being able to save money on Christmas presents. Simply tell your loved one that Christmas was yesterday.

Wednesday, December 14, 2016

Winsome Family Christmas Tips

A white elephant gift exchange at your office may seem like the perfect opportunity to dispose of evidence, but be careful. Crafty co-workers could, through a lengthy process of elimination, discover who gave the incriminating evidence. So be sure to wrap a second gift that you can claim as your own.

Sunday, December 11, 2016

Winsome Family Christmas Tips

If you're no longer able to keep your job as a department store Santa, set up a similar operation in your home. Decorate the front of your house and put out a sign indicating that it's Santa's other workshop. Since you'll now be your own boss in your own location, you can keep your favorite children on your lap as long as you'd like.

Saturday, December 10, 2016

Luck At Mrs. Chang's Grave

Today, during my monthly cleaning of Mrs. Chang's grave, I found a penny. Allie says it's bad luck because it was tails side up, but Grandmother once told me that any money found is lucky.

Friday, December 9, 2016

Winsome Family Christmas Tips

Department store Santas are not expected to tip the children who sit on their laps.

Wednesday, December 7, 2016

Spread The Word

If your office has a Secret Santa party, wrap up a Grandmother Winsome bumper sticker for the person you draw.

Monday, December 5, 2016

Winsome Family Christmas Tips

Animals you hit with your car make delightful gifts for children interested in science.