Friday, July 25, 2014
Hi, Kiddies. Today I received a delightful email from Karen Mendelssohn of Hoboken, New Jersey. Karen writes: "I keep hearing that life begins at forty. Does that mean it's not too late to abort my thirteen-year-old son?"
Sweetie, I was tickled pink by your message, and I thought sharing it with all my fans would be a great way to kick off the weekend.
Posted by Grandmother's Fanny Game at 2:36 PM
Thursday, July 10, 2014
Monday, July 7, 2014
Good morning, Kiddies. I received so many delightful messages from fans yesterday, including one from Shelley Combs of Springfield, Illinois. Shelley writes: "How long can an eight-year-old hold his breath? My son is in the pool and hasn't come up for air in quite a while, and I think he might be setting a record. I'm so proud of him! I can't wait until his father comes home."
Well, Shelley, I haven't been able to find statistics specifically for someone of that age. But I did read of two adults who managed to stay under water for more than twenty minutes. Although children have more energy than most adults, they are smaller and so don't have the same lung capacity. Given that information, I would guess that a child of eight might be able to hold his breath for up to fifteen minutes.
Posted by Grandmother's Fanny Game at 10:04 AM
Friday, July 4, 2014
If there should be a mishap while your maid is lighting the fireworks, don't panic. Assure your guests that this is merely a temporary interruption, then have the maid calmly top off their drinks before she sees to her injuries.
Posted by Grandmother's Fanny Game at 8:43 PM
Remember, Kiddies: Fireworks are dangerous, so be sure to put your maid in charge of setting them off. It is likely that some member of her enormous family made the fireworks in the first place, so she probably knows what she's doing.
Posted by Grandmother's Fanny Game at 5:16 PM
Wednesday, July 2, 2014
Among the many letters I've received in the past few weeks is one from Sharon Gagich of Meadville, Pennsylvania. Sharon writes: "Dear Grandmother Winsome, I've noticed that after my neighbor tucks her children into bed each night, she leaves her house and goes across the street to visit a friend. I've discovered that she also leaves her door unlocked at these times. Usually she's gone only twenty minutes, but one night this week she was gone for nearly an hour. Sometimes I keep an eye on her children while she's gone, but I'm not always able to do that. Should I alert the authorities?"
Well, Sharon, I would hesitate before involving the authorities, particularly as this is a situation in your own neighborhood. Once they poke their noses into something, they are often reluctant to let it go, and may return to follow up with more questions, which might prove inconvenient for you. Instead, keep up with your surveillance, but don't worry about those nights when you're unable to watch the children.
Posted by Grandmother's Fanny Game at 9:05 AM
Monday, June 30, 2014
Kiddies, I'm back at Winsome Headquarters, and am beginning to go through the letters and email messages that I received while I was gone. Paul Norkin of Manhattan, New York, writes: "Is it possible to get horseshoes fitted for my cat? I just think that with heavy metal shoes on, it would be less likely to jump onto my stereo cabinet."
Well, Paul, I think that is a delightful and innovative idea. I caution you to make sure the shoes are heavy enough to keep the cat firmly on the ground, because if it is still able to leap up, it would almost certainly cause damage to your stereo cabinet.
Posted by Grandmother's Fanny Game at 9:14 AM