Wednesday, July 18, 2018

Grandmother Winsome's Legal Advice

If you've won your verdict of not guilty by reason of insanity, don't immediately act sane once you're in the mental hospital. That will seem suspicious. Let the doctors there heal you. It will take a little longer, but then you'll be back on the streets, free and clear.

Tuesday, July 17, 2018

Grandmother Winsome's Legal Advice

If you are going for a verdict of not guilty by reason of insanity, during the trial, shout out, "I am not insane!" Then add, "Some of the voices are insane, but I've got them under control." You'll be well on your way to the desired verdict.

Monday, July 16, 2018

Grandmother Winsome's Tips For Better Living

Kiddies, while I understand the urge to constantly check the Grandmother's Fanny Game blog for updates, if you're the leader of a nation, wait until there is a pause in the peace talks.

Dating Tips From The Winsome Women

If your long-term partner isn't showing as much interest in you as he once did, reignite that spark by telling him that your car mechanic groped you. Pressing charges against the mechanic will eliminate any doubt in your boyfriend's mind that it actually happened. Once he sees that you are desirable to others, he will likely begin groping you again himself.

Sunday, July 15, 2018

Feeling The Heat At Winsome Headquarters

Kiddies, loyal fan Gloria Washington was right. It is hot out there. I didn't realize how hot it was until the air conditioning system here at Winsome Headquarters ceased functioning. While waiting for the repairman to arrive, I had the maid open one of the cryogenic tanks and remove a cat. Keeping the cat near me has really helped cool me down.

Grandmother Winsome's Tips For Better Living

Kiddies, while I understand the urge to constantly check the Grandmother's Fanny Game blog for updates, if you operate a roller coaster, make sure the ride has come to a complete stop before turning your focus to the blog.

Saturday, July 14, 2018

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

Today at the Birch Street Nursing Home, Ms. Jenkins told me her call button wasn't working. I asked her to show me what she was talking about, and she pulled out a dusty and dirty old gadget from under her bed. When I examined it, I found that the battery inside had corroded. I replaced the battery with a fresh one from the pantry, then looked for call buttons in all the other rooms. Sure enough, each room had a call button under the bed. I replaced the batteries in all of them. Once the buttons were working, the patients had fun contacting me to have me open their windows, close their windows, and open their windows again.

Fanny Mail: Feeling The Heat In Missouri

Kiddies, I just received a lovely email from Gloria Washington of St. Louis, Missouri. Gloria writes: "Dear Grandmother Winsome, I don't get out of my home much these days, but I do keep track of things on my computer. Today I saw a map showing the high temperatures all across the country, and those red and brown splotches made our nation look like a barren wasteland. Apparently record temperatures are occurring all over the world. And reading the news makes me feel that we are living in the last days. I just wanted to say that I'm glad Grandmother Winsome is here for the end."

Thank you, Sweetie! Do your best to stay cool. Drink plenty of water. And if you need to get up, don't stand up too quickly. Keep checking for Grandmother's Fanny Game updates, and we'll get through this together.

Friday, July 13, 2018

Fanny Mail: Carnival News

Kiddies, today I received a letter from Mason Burkhardt of Springfield, Missouri. Mason writes: "Dear Grandmother Winsome, a few years ago I inherited my grandfather's business, a traveling carnival. This came as a surprise, as my grandfather and I hadn't seen each other as much as I would have liked, but I soon fell in love with the carnival. I had heard that business had declined over the years, but hadn't realized to just what extent. I was faced with the difficult decision of closing for good, when business suddenly picked up. Curious as to the reason behind the new interest in carnivals, I began asking patrons. One answer I heard over and over was that Grandmother Winsome was encouraging people to visit carnivals. I did a little research, and discovered your blog. I just wanted to thank you, Grandmother, for helping me keep my grandfather's dream alive. In fact, with the new revenue, I've been able to double the carnival's pygmy population."

That's wonderful news, Mason! I can't begin to tell you how delighted I am at hearing word that carnival business is picking up again. And I am grateful to all my fans who are patronizing carnivals. Even though I am no longer affiliated with a particular carnival, I believe they still play an important role in society.

Edward's Ice Cream Truck Adventures

Look for me near lakes and other swimming holes the rest of the summer. When you get out of the water, all tired and wet, come over to my truck for a tasty treat.