Sunday, March 26, 2017

A March Madness Tip


Kiddies, I hope your bets on the college basketball games are paying off as handsomely as mine are! Here is a tip to help you enjoy the games even more. Take advantage of the numerous commercial breaks to revisit your favorite episodes of "Grandmother Winsome's Variety Minute." That way, even if the teams you picked don't do as well as you'd expected, it won't be time wasted.

Friday, March 10, 2017

Grandmother Winsome's Tips For Better Living


Building a house can be expensive, but there are ways to save money. For example, it's easy to strike a deal with the subcontractors in charge of the foundation. Simply tell them for each body they're allowed to dump in, they have to subtract another hundred dollars from the bill.

Thursday, March 9, 2017

Edward's Traveling Babysitting Service


The Traveling Babysitting Service is doing more business than ever. Several illegal immigrants have entrusted their children to me for the long term, until these deportation raids cease. The parents believe their children are safer if they're constantly on the move, so I promised to keep the kids away from their homes as long as necessary.

Wednesday, March 8, 2017

Grandmother Winsome's Legal Advice


It is difficult to get a murder conviction without a body, so keep that corpse in a secure location until after the trial.

Tuesday, March 7, 2017

Grandmother Winsome's Tips For Better Living


An occasional kind word to a neighbor might be enough to keep him or her from later reporting your suspicious activities to the authorities.

Monday, March 6, 2017

A Message From Cindy


I like the Mexican maid, and I don't think she's dangerous. But Allie insists that she must have done something unspeakable in order to be locked up in Grandmother's basement every night. Today on the way to school, Allie handed me a knife and told me to keep it with me at all times, just in case.

Saturday, March 4, 2017

Mexican Maid Update


Kiddies, during the latest roundup of illegal immigrants, two of my neighbors had their maids carted away. But don't you worry, they did not get my Mexican maid. Every night she is safely locked away in that special room in my basement, where she is protected from the prying eyes of law enforcement. The other good news is that my Mexican maid's productivity is at an all-time high. As you'll recall from the "Mexican Maid" episode of my delightful program, one way to improve your maid's work ethic is to constantly threaten her with deportation. Well, these days, that threat carries more weight than ever before. I find my Mexican maid offering to do even more than her allotted daily chores. What a wonderful time to be alive!

Tuesday, February 14, 2017

Cindy's Special Assignment


I am always excited to help Grandmother, and now she's given me a special new assignment to perform each morning before I go to school. In the basement, there is a secret room that I didn't even know existed, and every morning I unlock its door to let the Mexican maid out. I am pleased that Grandmother has entrusted me with this task, although Allie says the Mexican maid must have done something terrible for Grandmother to lock her up like that every night, and she has warned me to be careful.

Monday, February 13, 2017

Keeping My Mexican Maid!


To keep my Mexican maid safe from deportation, I lock her in the basement of Winsome Headquarters every night after she finishes her duties. They will not find her there. From what I've heard, her many children have already been deported, but I am keeping that information from her, because I think it might cause a drop in her productivity.

Saturday, February 11, 2017

Dating Tips From The Winsome Women


If you are looking for a way out of a marriage, one trick is to start flirting with violent, unstable men, and simply tell them, "Oh, if only I were single, you would be exactly the kind of guy I could fall for." Remember, you won't have to actually follow through if one of them does do away with your husband, because he will be in jail for a long time.