Monday, January 15, 2018

Grandmother Winsome's Cryonics Experiment

Kiddies, yesterday's Fanny Mail from Ray Anderson got me so excited that I immediately began my research. Cryonics is an intriguing field, and there is still a lot of speculation and conjecture, making it an area perfect for experimenting. Certain connections I have came through for me, and I was able to obtain several cryogenic tanks, which should arrive by the end of the week. I went with the smaller models, designed just for human heads, because my test subjects will fit well in those.

Sunday, January 14, 2018

Fanny Mail: A Message From Michigan

Kiddies, today I received an interesting email from Ray Anderson of Rochester Hills, Michigan. Ray writes: "Dear Grandmother Winsome, I have wonderful news. My longtime girlfriend has finally agreed to marry me. We set a date for this June. The one stipulation she set is that both her parents must attend the wedding. I agreed, of course. The problem is that her father is cryonically preserved. So she wants to hold the ceremony at the cryonics facility. I always imagined an outdoor wedding, preferably at the beach. Is it possible to defrost her dad long enough for him to take part in the wedding, and then re-freeze him, without causing any lasting damage?"

Well, Sweetie, that's a good question. Now you've got me curious. I'm going to look into this, and I hope to have an answer for you before the wedding invitations go out.

Thursday, January 11, 2018

Fanny Mail: An Important Message For The Medical Profession

Kiddies, today I received an email from Dr. Charles Livingston of Seattle, Washington. Dr. Charles writes: "Dear Grandmother Winsome, I want to relate to you an experience I had recently on a plane so that you may share it with your loyal readers. I am a doctor, and on my flight this past weekend a fellow passenger had a medical emergency. The flight attendant asked, 'Is there is a doctor on board?' I pressed my call button, then sprang into action, using my medical knowledge to save the elderly man's life. As a thank-you from the airline, I received a bottle of wine. I just want to warn others who might volunteer that it is not worth it. If you give up your seat due to a full flight, the airline will give you at least a $300 voucher. But for saving someone's life, and keeping the company from a potential public relations nightmare, you get just a $10 bottle of wine. Definitely not worth the effort."

Thank you, Dr. Charles, for your message. I am sure my many readers in the medical profession will be grateful for the information.

Tuesday, January 9, 2018

Dating Tips From The Winsome Women

Be wary of a man who doesn't want you to have your own hobbies, like using his credit card to purchase furs and makeup.

Monday, January 8, 2018

Grandmother Winsome's Tip For The Workplace

To set your employees at ease in the current state of rampant sexual harassment, simply gather them all together and inform them that you have no sexual interest in any of them whatsoever.

Friday, January 5, 2018

Dating Tips From The Winsome Women

To meet an employed man, order some food or other items from a delivery service, and then answer the door in your most stunning or provocative outfit.

Wednesday, January 3, 2018

Spread The Word

If you belong to one of those religious groups that enjoy going door-to-door, instead of the usual spiel, tell the folks who answer their doors to follow Grandmother's Fanny Game. For a change, they will be glad you stopped by.

Tuesday, January 2, 2018

Dating Tips From The Winsome Women

Many employed men go to the gym before work in the morning. So if you're still out from the night before, stop in and strike up some conversations.

Monday, January 1, 2018

Edward's Traveling Massage Parlor

I hear there is a good chance of lake-effect snow in the Syracuse area tomorrow, so I am heading there now. Kids are often tasked with shoveling their driveways, which is strenuous activity for the youngsters. But I will be there in time to soothe their aches and pains.

Sunday, December 31, 2017

Winsome Family Resolutions (Grandmother Winsome)

My New Year's resolution is to perfect the Grandmother Winsome cocktail. Kiddies, by the end of 2018, I want everyone ordering Grandmother Winsomes!