When meeting someone for the first time, introduce the idea that you have a twin. The other person will undoubtedly ask you about her, giving you the opportunity to say the two of you don’t get along. You’ll find this will come in handy later on when the person takes offense at something you've done.
Wednesday, August 27, 2014
Monday, August 25, 2014
Hi, Kiddies. Yesterday I received an email from Agnes Whitaker of Poughkeepsie, New York. Agnes writes: "Dear Grandmother Winsome, I like my new cat, but he's just not as soft as my old cat. So I made a little coat for him out of the old cat's fur. But I am having trouble getting him to wear it. Do you have any suggestions?"
Yes, Agnes, I do. Attach firm clasps to the front of the coat. Or if you'd prefer this to be a long-term thing, you could sedate the cat and then sew the coat shut on him.
Sunday, August 24, 2014
Posted by Grandmother's Fanny Game at 2:09 AM
Friday, August 22, 2014
Hi, Kiddies. Lately I've been receiving a lot of mail. One of the letters I received today is from Matthew Thompson of Ithaca, New York. Matthew writes: "My wife and I recently had our first baby, and unfortunately it is deathly allergic to dog hair. After the latest and most serious reaction, which required hospitalization, we were told by several doctors that we had to give up our dog. We've had Patsy since we first started dating ten years ago and are quite attached to her. So we decided to give up the child instead. After all, Patsy is quite old and is unlikely to find another home. Plus, we really wouldn't feel right abandoning her this late in her life. She relies on us. My wife and I are still in our early thirties, so there is plenty of time to have another child after Patsy has passed. But since finding a new home for our child, we've noticed Patsy hasn't been sleeping well. She had taken an instant liking to the baby, and would always spend the night curled up next to its crib. What can we do to lift the old gal's spirits?"
Well, Matthew, you and your wife might consider taking Patsy on a day trip, just the three of you. Perhaps a nice picnic by a lake. And while you're gone, have a trusted friend remove the crib from your home and put it in storage until you need it later. When you return, it will be like the child had never been there. I'm sure before long, Patsy will be back to her old self.
Wednesday, August 20, 2014
Hi, Kiddies! This morning I received an email from Bill Snyder of Lebanon, Pennsylvania. Bill writes: "Dear Grandmother Winsome, I just learned that I have a son. He is fifteen, and his name is Ephram. His mother now thinks I should be a part of his life, but I hate the name Ephram. If I'm to be a parent, shouldn't I have a say in what the child is to be named?"
Well, Bill, perhaps you should meet with the child once and see if he's worth getting to know. If he is, then you could discuss his name with the boy's mother. If she's unwilling to budge, just give him a nickname, which he would use whenever in your company.
As a side note, I have fond associations with the name Ephram. I knew an Ephram once during the traveling days of my youth.
Monday, August 18, 2014
Well, Maureen, it is unlikely that any police inquiry will lead them to uncovering the truth about your daughter's scars. I think you have nothing to worry about. And if your daughter is cleaning the neighborhood of cats, so much the better. As far as I'm concerned, there is no crime in that.
Monday, August 4, 2014
Sunday, August 3, 2014
Hauling your trash to the dump is a time-honored Sunday morning tradition. In recent years many dumps have closed. But that doesn’t mean those are no longer good places to leave your unwanted items. In fact, because they’re now unattended, the dumps are perfectly suited for getting rid of certain evidence.
Posted by Grandmother's Fanny Game at 8:51 AM
Saturday, August 2, 2014
Friday, July 25, 2014
Hi, Kiddies. Today I received a delightful email from Karen Mendelssohn of Hoboken, New Jersey. Karen writes: "I keep hearing that life begins at forty. Does that mean it's not too late to abort my thirteen-year-old son?"
Sweetie, I was tickled pink by your message, and I thought sharing it with all my fans would be a great way to kick off the weekend.