Thursday, November 30, 2017

A Tip From Grandmother Winsome


If you notice that there is a reward out for one of the cats you've obtained for your experiment, it might be worth parting with that test subject, depending on how substantial the reward is. If you've already used the cat in the experiment, simply slip its collar around the neck of a similar-looking cat and collect that reward.

Wednesday, November 29, 2017

Spread The Word


If your high-rise building is on the news because of a shooting or potential suicide, be sure to put a sign in the window that reads, "Follow Grandmother Winsome."

Monday, November 27, 2017

Grandmother Winsome's Eye Chart Update


Now that many optometrists are using my specialized eye chart, more people are passing their vision test than ever before. Keep up the good work, Kiddies!

I hear that the chart is even being used at certain branches of the Department of Motor Vehicles. Linda Jones, who works at the Des Moines DMV, asked if the chart was available in pink. Here you go, Sweetie!


Saturday, November 25, 2017

Grandmother Winsome's Tips For Better Living


One way to handle people who are continually bothersome is to tell them you've included them in your will. Not only will they be nicer, but they may even be willing to do you favors. And by the time they discover the truth, you'll be long gone.

Thursday, November 23, 2017

Grandmother Winsome's Tips For Better Living


Ending the majority of your friendships just before the holidays will help you save money on gifts.

Monday, November 20, 2017

Fanny Mail: A Holiday Getaway


Kiddies, the holidays certainly can be stressful, leading many people to seek some form of escape. Today I received a letter detailing one way a fan plans to evade the holidays altogether. Lefty Young of Ogden, Utah, writes: "Dear Grandmother Winsome, I've decided to take measures to ensure I will avoid the holidays this year. I'm going to commit a small crime that carries a one-month sentence, and do it in such a way that I will undoubtedly be caught. If I'm in jail, my family can't expect me to visit them, right? Feel free to share this plan with your readers. If all goes well, it will be the only gift I'll be giving people this year."

What an inventive idea, Sweetie! Good luck!

Get The Children Moving


If you run an orphanage, consider having a Black Friday sale. Move that inventory and get your showroom ready for the 2018 models.

Saturday, November 18, 2017

A Tip From Grandmother Winsome


When asking your girlfriend's parents for their permission to take her hand in marriage, strengthen your case by reminding them that you are a devoted follower of Grandmother Winsome.

Thursday, November 2, 2017

Grandmother Winsome's Tips For Better Living


When selecting a home for an elderly relative, be sure to choose one that's both far from you and far from any airports. Make it as difficult as possible for him or her to pay you a visit. And if your loved one asks you to visit him or her, explain that after paying the nursing home bills, there is simply no money left over for you to travel.