Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

Today when I arrived at the Birch Street Nursing Home, Mrs. Henley was standing by the door with the stack of data collection forms in her hand. As she handed them to me, she reminded me that I had promised them a pizza party if all the forms were completed. I went down to my basement laboratory to look over the pages. It took me a little time to read Mrs. Henley's form, because the paper was covered with food stains, and Mr. Pearlman's form was a mess, as he had made marks all over the page. But I am thrilled to announce that my experiment was a success. None of the patients indicated hearing Mrs. Patterson mention Mrs. Shimshack even once during the week. As soon as the pizza shop opened, I placed an order. The patients had a great time, and finished off every slice. Before I left, Mrs. Henley told me that if I ever needed more forms filled out, she'd be happy to take charge and make sure everyone completed the task.

Edward's Santa-Mobile

The local shopping mall has a new director of operations, and she has decided to bring in her own Santa Claus this year rather than hire me. So I am transforming my ice cream truck into a winter wonderland and taking my act on the road. Children can avoid the long lines at the mall, and get a more personal touch in the privacy of the back of my ice cream truck. And I won't rush them along, like the mall Santas do. They can sit on my lap as long as they desire. Look for my Santa-mobile in the parking lot of your local shopping mall.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

When I got to the Birch Street Nursing Home this morning, I collected this week's forms from the patients and then went down to my laboratory to analyze the data. I was hopeful that the forms would show my experiment was a success, that Mrs. Patterson had gone a second week without mentioning Mrs. Shimshack. However, I had incomplete data, because half the patients forgot to fill out the form. While I was down there trying to make sense of the little data I had, it occurred to me that I could offer the patients an incentive to complete the form. I went back upstairs and told the patients that if I got all the completed forms back next week, we would have a pizza party.

Fanny Mail: Concern About The Hostage Situation

Kiddies, today I received an email from Samuel Goldstein of Long Island, New York. Samuel writes: "Dear Grandmother Winsome, my wife and I were on vacation in Israel recently, when there was a disturbance at the concert we were attending. During the fracas, my wife was taken hostage. I was incredibly upset, and in an attempt to help me avoid dwelling on the pain, a good friend took me out for drinks at the bar around the corner from our house, and it was there that I met Linda. We hit it off, and she has helped me move on. Now I've learned that during a pause in the hostilities, many of the hostages are being released. I really wasn't expecting that, and don't know what to do. If my wife comes home, she is certain to be upset to find another woman living in our house and wearing her jewelry."

Well, Sweetie, you might try to contact those who have kidnapped your wife and explain the situation. They might be willing to hold onto her for a little longer, giving you time to see how your new relationship is progressing. However, if she's already been released, it's only a matter of time before she finds a way back home. One thing you could do is change the locks and paint the house a different color. Then when she shows up at the door, pretend you have no idea who she is, and ask her if she has suffered any recent trauma that would explain her confusion. Once she is gone, you can relax and head to the neighborhood bar with Linda.