Saturday, December 28, 2013

Cindy Cheers Up The Elderly (Week 52)

This week to cheer up the elderly, I cleared trash from Mrs. Chang's grave.

Thursday, December 26, 2013

Fanny Mail: A Problem At Home

This morning I received an email from a young woman in Los Angeles who is having trouble communicating with her mother. She writes: “My mother often insults me, but I find it difficult to respond to her, because she takes on the pretend voice of our bird, Cheeky. So when I respond, I have to respond to Cheeky and not my mother. The problem is I’m not at all upset with Cheeky and have no wish to yell at her. I fear that raising my voice might alarm or even harm the poor old bird. Though there have been times when, I’m sad to admit, I’ve thought about killing Cheeky in order to force my mother to talk directly to me. After all, it seems Cheeky says some very hurtful things. And even afterwards, when my mother is calm, if I try to bring it up to her, she still insists it was the bird talking and not her.  She refuses to engage in any sort of meaningful conversation about the argument. Thus nothing is resolved, and I find the argument repeating fairly regularly. It reached a horrible new level on Christmas, with Cheeky using offensive language she’d never used before. The whole thing left me in tears, but did not affect my mother at all, as she maintains this is a problem between me and Cheeky. I’m just not sure I can take it anymore. What should I do?”

Well, Sweetie, I think your instincts might have been correct. Just kill the bird. That will force your mother to use her normal voice when insulting you. Then you can respond to her directly. And to keep her from replacing the bird, tell her that Cheeky escaped and will likely return at some point in the future.

Wednesday, December 25, 2013

Edward's "For Your Information"

Telling your girlfriend you know exactly how you'll react to the news of her death doesn't always have the comforting effect you'd expect.

Monday, December 23, 2013

Grandmother Winsome's Legal Advice

It is dangerous to return to the scene of the crime, so commit your crimes at places you don't care to revisit.

Saturday, December 21, 2013

Winsome Family History: December 21, 2008

Kiddies, it's time to look back at an important moment in Winsome Family history. It was exactly five years ago that the internet saw its first mention of Grandmother's Fanny Game. Some of you saw it back then. And for those who didn't, here is another chance to celebrate a Winsome Family milestone.

Cindy Cheers Up The Elderly (Week 51)

This week to cheer up the elderly, I lent an old woman my extra pair of mittens.

Friday, December 20, 2013

Jane’s Tips For Getting A Good Gift This Christmas

Some people claim that Christmas is the most wonderful time of the year. Those are people who get exactly what they want from their husbands or boyfriends. Sometimes it’s difficult to accomplish this, but if you follow these few important tips, you’ll have a better chance of having a very merry Christmas.
  1. Always point out to the man you’re dating anything stylish that you would like to own, whether in a store, in a shop window, on television, or on another person. And it’s okay if you’ve already pointed out the item to him, as repetition will help him remember.
  2. If your boyfriend comments favorably on something you dislike, be sure to point out to him how wrong he is, that the item isn’t at all fashionable. (Because he is obviously fishing for gift ideas, you can never be too strong in your statement.)
  3. Make a point of complaining about how your last boyfriend always chose poorly when buying your presents. Because men are competitive, that will drive your current boyfriend to succeed where the previous one failed.
  4. And if you do get something undesirable, remember, you can never tell someone a gift is unappreciated. That’s considered rude. But you can show it with body language. And that should help to ensure that person will make more of an effort in the future.

Saturday, December 14, 2013

Cindy Cheers Up The Elderly (Week 50)

This week to cheer up the elderly, I helped a neighbor unload Christmas packages from her car.

Friday, December 13, 2013

Jane's Tips For Social Interactions

Carrying a large purse will help maintain a distance between you and the person behind you in line at the bank.

Spread The Word

Help spread the word, Kiddies! Tell the parole board that you’ve now found Grandmother Winsome and so the State has no further worries.

Thursday, December 12, 2013

Spread The Word

Help spread the word, Kiddies! Tell the judge handling your case that Grandmother Winsome has made you a better citizen.

Wednesday, December 11, 2013

Spread The Word

Help spread the word, Kiddies! Whenever you're arrested, waive your right to remain silent only long enough to tell the arresting officers to check the Grandmother's Fanny Game blog for updates.

Saturday, December 7, 2013

Cindy Cheers Up The Elderly (Week 49)

This week to cheer up the elderly, I helped push an old woman's shopping cart at the local market. 

Thursday, December 5, 2013

Edward's "For Your Information"

Remember, not all of your hobbies should be included on your resume.

Monday, December 2, 2013

Fanny Mail: A Night Light Question

Hi, Kiddies! Yesterday I received an email from a parent in Halifax, Nova Scotia, who writes: "Our baby can only get to sleep with a night light on. With all the recent power outages, she has gotten no sleep whatsoever. We tried a flashlight, but it was difficult to get the beam to cover a wide enough area, and the batteries tended to die too quickly anyway. What should we do?"

Sweetie, do as you do whenever there is a power outage. Light a candle. Then place it right next to the outlet, where the baby has come to expect the light to be. Candles are also a source of heat, so you might be able to save a little money by turning down the thermostat in your baby's room even when there's not a power outage, at least during these cold winter months.


Sunday, December 1, 2013

Happy World AIDS Day

Hi, Kiddies! It's been brought to my attention that today is World AIDS Day. So I thought it appropriate to revisit one of the early episodes of my wonderful program, in which I answered a letter from a fan on that very subject. Enjoy!

Spread The Word

Help spread the word, Kiddies! When working for a suicide prevention hotline, just remind those prospective suicides that if they kill themselves, they'll miss the next Grandmother's Fanny Game blog update. That should do the trick.

Saturday, November 30, 2013

Cindy Cheers Up The Elderly (Week 48)

This week to cheer up the elderly, I tied pink ribbons to the park bench where they sit. I also wiped the bench clean with my sleeve.

Friday, November 29, 2013

Spread The Word

Help spread the word, Kiddies! If you work as a ventriloquist, kindly ask your dummy to tell his audience about Grandmother’s Fanny Game.

Thursday, November 28, 2013

Winsome Family Thanksgiving Message, 2013

Hi, Kiddies! Last year, we here at Winsome Headquarters shared a little of what we were thankful for. And this year there is so much to be thankful for, that I thought I’d share with you again a little of the Winsome Family celebration. Like many families on Thanksgiving, we gather around the table for a big meal, and each person has a chance to contribute what he or she is thankful for. Here is what a few members of the Winsome Family had to say this year:

Jane is thankful for Caller ID on her phone.

Edward is thankful for statutes of limitations.

Milton is thankful for strawberry ice cream.

Cindy is thankful for the light that sneaks in through the crack at the bottom of the door.

And I am thankful for all the people who have been spreading the word about Grandmother’s Fanny Game. Keep those letters and emails coming, Kiddies!

Monday, November 25, 2013

The Search Is Over

Kiddies, I have some wonderful news. Cindy is back! Thank you all for your help in the search. So many of you sent kind messages of hope. Many others hung posters in your neighborhoods and sent in photos. All of your efforts are very much appreciated.

I haven’t yet got the story from Cindy. She says she doesn’t quite remember what happened. But I’m sure it will come out in time. And don’t worry – Cindy has offered to do two things this week to cheer up the elderly to make up for lost time.

Sunday, November 24, 2013

Searching For Cindy

Kiddies, the search for Cindy has gone international! A fan in Hong Kong was kind enough to send me this photo. Certainly with this type of world-wide attention, Cindy will be found soon.

Searching For Cindy

Today I received a message from Ruth Washington of Oakland, California. She tells me that although she doesn't leave her home for fear of being mugged, she wanted to help in the search. So she hung the poster in her window, and sent me this photo.

Saturday, November 23, 2013

Searching For Cindy

Estelle Steadman is really the one responsible for starting the search for Cindy. She also posted this photo for all of her Facebook friends. Estelle has been such a strong supporter that I wanted to share this photo with all the readers of my blog.

Searching For Cindy

Thank you so much, Kiddies, for your tireless support in the search to find Cindy. Photos continue to pour in from fans who have hung the Cindy poster in their neighborhoods. This photo was taken at the Amelia M. Earhart Library.

Friday, November 22, 2013

Searching For Cindy

We here are Winsome Headquarters are confident that with your help, Cindy will turn up soon. Thank you all for putting up the posters in your neighborhoods. This photo was taken by a fan in Maine.

Searching For Cindy

Kiddies, it warms my heart to receive so many photos from concerned fans. I know together we will find Cindy soon. This photo was sent to me by a fan in Los Angeles.

Thursday, November 21, 2013

Searching For Cindy

So many folks are joining in the search for Cindy. I am certain she'll turn up before too long. This photo was taken on Lankershim Blvd. in North Hollywood.

Searching For Cindy

I'm sure with everyone's help, Cindy will turn up soon. Thank you all so much for your messages of hope. This photo was taken in Portland, Maine.

Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Searching For Cindy

The search for Cindy continues. This photo was taken at The Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf in North Hollywood, California, by a concerned fan.

A Response To The Cindy Poster

Today I received an email from Jacqueline Kenmore of San Francisco, California.

Jacqueline writes: "Dear Grandmother Winsome, you don't know me, but today I went to a fortune teller for a reading. And she told me that I would receive an important sign today. I had gone no more than ten paces from her door when I saw a poster lying on the sidewalk. It caught my eye, and gave me a terrible shiver. I thought for certain something horrible has happened to this little girl. I didn't want to get my hands wet, because I'd also gone to the nail salon just before the psychic, so I took a photo of the poster so I'd have your email address. Please let me know that everything is okay with this adorable little girl. I won't be able to relax until I am certain she is safe. I'm also attaching the photo to this message so you'll understand how it struck me."

Searching For Cindy

Kiddies, yesterday you may have seen the photo sent to me by Jackson Stone of San Francisco, California. Well, Jackson is so eager to see that Cindy is returned home safely he hung another poster up in his great city. Here is the photo he sent.

Tuesday, November 19, 2013

Searching For Cindy

Cindy hasn't turned up yet, but the photos keep coming in from concerned fans. Here is one from a woman in Maine.

Searching For Cindy

Fans from all over are showing their support and concern for our little Cindy. This photo was sent to me by Jackson Stone, who has been searching the Castro District in San Francisco from top to bottom.

Monday, November 18, 2013

Searching For Cindy

Cindy hasn't yet turned up, but I'm delighted to receive so many photos and messages of hope from fans. This photo was taken at the Kroger Grocery in Marietta, Georgia.

Searching For Cindy

I know with the help of my fans, Cindy will be found soon. Many of you have been so sweet to send in photos. This one was taken at the Magnolia Food Market in North Hollywood.

Sunday, November 17, 2013

Searching For Cindy

Many of you have been kind enough to join in the search for Cindy. This photo was sent to me by a concerned fan in New England.

Searching For Cindy

I am delighted that so many people are concerned about Cindy. And several of you have been kind enough to hang up the poster in your neighborhoods. This photo was taken at Amp Rehearsal in North Hollywood, California.

Saturday, November 16, 2013

Searching For Cindy

I know Cindy would be delighted to know that she has so many concerned fans. A woman in Atlanta took this photo with her phone.

Searching For Cindy

If you're here looking for Cindy's weekly post, I'm afraid I have some bad news. Cindy has gone missing. Some fans of the blog have joined the search. Michael Doherty, a fan from Los Angeles, was kind enough to send this photo.

Friday, November 15, 2013

Searching For Cindy

Kiddies, as you know, Cindy has been missing for approximately a week. However, I am pleased to tell you that I'm beginning to receive messages and photos from fans who are as concerned about her as I am. This photo was taken by a fan in New Gloucester, Maine.

Thursday, November 14, 2013

Searching For Cindy

Estelle Steadman has helped in the search for Cindy by hanging the poster in the lobby of her apartment building in Indianapolis. She was sweet enough to take this photo. If anyone else who is helping in the search would like to send in photos, I will be glad to post them here on the blog.

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Have You Seen Cindy?

Kiddies, on Saturday you might have noticed a certain absence from the blog. There was no update from Cindy this week. Estelle Steadman, a fan in Indianapolis, brought it to my attention yesterday with this kind message on Facebook: 

"Grandmother Winsome, I wanted to let you know that Cindy does more to cheer up the elderly each week than she’s probably aware. Just reading her blog posts cheers me up, especially as I’m unable to get out much these days. It’s something I look forward to each week. So, since I didn’t see a post this past Saturday, I just wanted to check to make sure everything is okay with Cindy."

So of course I immediately checked on her, but Cindy was not home. Cindy hasn't yet turned up, and I am beginning to get worried. So I am asking for your help in locating her. Please check your neighborhoods, and if you are so inclined, please print out the following poster and hang it in areas where children are known to play. I'm sure together we can end this search quickly, and Cindy can get back to cheering up the elderly. 

Sunday, November 10, 2013

Grandmother Winsome's Tips For Better Living

Safety is important, Kiddies. So when at a hotel be sure to test your room's smoke alarm by setting a small fire.

Friday, November 8, 2013

Spread The Word

If you are into graffiti, mention Grandmother Winsome in your tags. But be truthful. If it's a crummy place, be sure to write, "Grandmother Winsome was not here."

Wednesday, November 6, 2013

Fanny Mail: A Question About Rescue Shelter Cats

Hi, Kiddies! Today I received an email from a fan in Oklahoma City. Ernest Cotter writes: "Dear Grandmother Winsome, I saw Cindy's blog post on Saturday about her kitten costume, and I was thinking how wonderful it would be to have clothes made from cat fur. So I was wondering, what do they do at the animal rescue shelters with the cats they have to put down? Is it possible to have several of those rejected cats held for me to make a fur coat? Furs are so expensive, and I just love how soft cats are. I have some time on my hands now that I've retired, so I can learn to stitch them into something beautiful."

Ernest, it's always wonderful to hear from a fan. And you're right — furs can be awfully expensive. That's why I was hoping to receive a new mink for my birthday. No luck there, but Christmas is just around the corner. With regards to the cats, I think that is a great idea. Why waste good furs by tossing them into the incinerator? Your idea is actually environmentally sound. The animal rights activists will appreciate your work in saving at least part of the animals. Call the shelter first to see if they have any litters, because you'll want the cats to match, especially if you're going for a gorgeous full-length coat. 

Sunday, November 3, 2013

Poll Results: What is your favorite way to scare children on Halloween?

Thanks for all the wonderful birthday wishes, Kiddies! It was a great Halloween, and now I'd like to share with you the results of my second poll.

Saturday, November 2, 2013

Cindy Cheers Up The Elderly (Week 44)

This week to cheer up the elderly, I wore my Halloween costume to the Birch Street Nursing Home. I went as a kitten in a costume that Grandmother made for me. The patients were surprised, and said they felt bad they didn't have any candy ready because they hadn't had any trick-or-treaters at the home in years. But they all said they loved my costume. So I told them what Grandmother told me — that it's authentic, made from real cat fur. Mr. Matthews in particular loved it and pet me for hours. He even encouraged me to purr for him.