Wednesday, April 30, 2014

Spread The Word

Help spread the word, Kiddies! If you're a member of a popular music group, be sure to start all your concerts with the Grandmother Winsome Theme Song. Your fans will be delighted if you play it again as your encore.

Monday, April 28, 2014

Fanny Mail: An Adoption Question

Hi, Kiddies. I just received an email from Elaine Hoffs of Sioux Falls, South Dakota. Elaine writes, "Dear Grandmother Winsome, is it cheaper to adopt sickly children? I'm on a budget, and I won't need them for long."

Well, Elaine, that's a very good question. It seems to me that most people are not willing to purchase defective merchandise, and so often stores just end up tossing those items. With that in mind, I am certain that adoption agencies would be willing to give you a discount on sickly children. Plus, they will be relieved to have those children moved off the floor to make room for better product, and also to keep themselves, as well as the other stock, from getting sick.

And for those of you who are in the market, check out Grandmother Winsome's Tips For Adopting A Child.

Sunday, April 27, 2014

A Camping Tip From Edward

When camping with a scout troop, you'll need bug repellant and sunblock. Be sure to get the kind you have to rub on by hand rather than the less-personal spray.

If anyone questions your choice, here is a list of legitimate reasons for using the lotion rather than the spray:
  • Aerosol sprays are bad for the environment
  • Aerosol sprays are harmful for children with asthma, and could trigger an attack
  • The spray is flammable, and is therefore more dangerous
  • There is less of a chance of getting the lotion in someone's eyes
  • The lotions come in smaller sizes that will fit more easily inside your backpack 
  • The lotion eliminates the wind as a factor
  • The lotions often have a more pleasant fragrance 
  • With the lotion, you have more control over just where you're spreading it

Though these are all valid explanations, you could also simply tell the person the store was out of the spray.

Saturday, April 19, 2014

Cindy's Art Projects

Cindy's assignment in school this week was to draw how she plans on spending her spring vacation. The result was this delightful picture, which I am pleased to share with all of you.

That reminds me, I am again in need of fresh cats for the Time Machine experiment.

Monday, April 14, 2014

Winsome Family History: April 14, 1944

It was seventy years ago that the Barker Sisters enjoyed their first major success in the art of making things vanish.

Tuesday, April 8, 2014

Fanny Mail: A Professor's Question

Today I received an email from Professor Nicole Jennings of Seattle, Washington. Professor Jennings writes: "Is it possible to rent children from an orphanage? I am curious about the effects of grief on young children, and for statistical purposes need at least a dozen subjects to take to various funerals. I’d use my own children, but I fear the long-term effects might be devastating. And though my study is currently unfunded, I am willing to pay the orphanage for the use of their children."

Well, Professor, I’m sure the people who run the orphanage would be happy to have you take the children off their hands for a while. And if you’re able to sweeten the deal by giving them a bit of money, I can’t see how they could object. Plus, the children will likely appreciate a day out.

Sunday, April 6, 2014

Fanny Game Fan Videos

Kiddies, today I received a delightful video from longtime Grandmother’s Fanny Game fan Ruth Washington of Oakland, California. Ruth writes, “Grandmother Winsome, I wanted to share with you and your loyal viewers my neighbor’s solution to the homeless problem in my area.”

That’s wonderful, Sweetie! Your neighbor has taken an annoyance and turned it into a fun activity. The next time you speak with her, please ask where she found that lovely pink bucket.

Friday, April 4, 2014

Edward's "For Your Information"

The warm weather will be here soon, so now is a good time to take your ice cream truck in for a tune-up. You don’t want to lose even a single day of the season by having your truck in the repair shop.