Thursday, April 29, 2021

Jane's Tips For Online Dating


For those of you who have been engaged in online romances, keep in mind that until you've shed the extra pounds you gained during the pandemic, you should not reveal that you've received your vaccine. One of the men who have been ordering you dinners every week might want to meet in person, and you'll need to postpone that until your weight more closely matches what you indicated on the dating site.

Tuesday, April 27, 2021

Grandmother Winsome's Tips For Better Living


Kiddies, if possible, it's best to avoid using your parole officer as a reference when filling out job applications.

Saturday, April 24, 2021

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home


This morning when I got to the Birch Street Nursing Home I found out that it was going to be Mr. Shaw's last day there. He told me the jury had come back with guilty verdicts for the bad guys in the trial he'd been following, and now it was safe for him to head home. I left Mrs. Lieberman in charge while I rushed to the bus station to buy Mr. Shaw his going-away present. There was a little money left over, which I gave to him so he could buy some snacks along the way. Apparently Mr. Shaw has some medical knowledge that I didn't know about, because right after I gave him the money, he went up to see Crystal, and was with her for nearly an hour. Mr. Shaw is going to be missed at the Birch Street Nursing Home.

Tuesday, April 20, 2021

Fanny Mail: A Question About Hiring


Kiddies, today I received an email from Gary Taylor of New Richmond, Ohio. Gary writes: "Dear Grandmother Winsome, since 1986 I've been in charge of the hiring for a large paper goods company, and I am proud to have hired a majority of women. However, lately we've been getting complaints from some of the women not chosen for positions, particularly the larger, less attractive applicants. We've even received nasty letters from the local women's groups regarding our hiring practices. Is it really time for us to remove the swimwear category from the interview process? It has been brought up in meetings more than once, but that category has been my motivation for getting up in the morning. I just can't see being excited about the workday without it."

Well, Gary, many other businesses have dropped the swimwear category from their hiring process. That means there are plenty of other job opportunities for the people you turn away. Of course, receiving complaints from them would still put a damper on your day. So have all applicants include a full body photograph of themselves with their initial application. That way, you'll have already weeded out anyone who would do poorly in that special category before the interview process even begins. That should take care of the complaints and keep your workday as enjoyable as ever.

Saturday, April 17, 2021

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

Today during a break in the poker game at the Birch Street Nursing Home, I asked Mr. Shaw if there have been any updates in the trial he's been following back in his home state. He said the case was now in the hands of the jury, and he's waiting for them to give their verdict. It was then that I decided to use the rent money Mr. Smith would pay me to buy a going-away gift for Mr. Shaw. Later in the afternoon, while Mr. Shaw was in the bathroom, I asked the other players for ideas. Mrs. Henley suggested a cake pan and spatula set. Mrs. Patterson suggested a baseball bat. Mrs. Lieberman thought he would appreciate a bus ticket so he could get home. After a short discussion, we decided to go with the bus ticket.

Thursday, April 15, 2021

Grandmother Winsome's Legal Advice


Kiddies, when tossing out items, always assume that your trash cans will be rifled through by nosy authorities or private investigators.

Tuesday, April 13, 2021

Jane's Tips For Online Dating

Because of the pandemic, many people are meeting online and conducting their relationships over the computer. While this might not sound like fun, there are some benefits to online dating. For example, in your online profile you can list your ideal weight rather than your real weight without worry of the discrepancy being noticed, as long as you don't reveal too much of your body on camera.

Saturday, April 10, 2021

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

Today Mr. Shaw told me he's planning on leaving the Birch Street Nursing Home in the next few weeks and heading home. I was surprised. None of the patients have ever really left the Birch Street Nursing Home, other than those who have died. Mr. Shaw explained that the trial he'd been following in his hometown newspaper was going to be over soon, and guilty verdicts were nearly guaranteed. He said this was great news for him because the bad guys on trial didn't like him very much anymore. If they went to prison, that meant he could return home.

Friday, April 9, 2021

Jane's Tips For Online Dating


Because of the pandemic, many people are meeting online and conducting their relationships over the computer. While this might not sound like fun, there are some benefits to online dating. For example, there is less danger of being slipped a date-rape drug before the end of the night.

Thursday, April 8, 2021

Jane's Tips For Online Dating


Because of the pandemic, many people are meeting online and conducting their relationships over the computer. While this might not sound like fun, there are some benefits to online dating. For example, you can pretend to be interested in whatever hobbies excite your date without the hassle of having to engage in them.

Monday, April 5, 2021

Grandmother Winsome's Legal Advice


Kiddies, it's generally safer to start a new crime scene than to return to a previous crime scene.

Saturday, April 3, 2021

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home


There is more money coming into the Birch Street Nursing Home, thanks to Mr. Smith renting two rooms for his female friends on Saturdays. Last week I purchased a few jigsaw puzzles and games for the activity room, and this week I decided to use the leftover money for the poker club. I divided it among the players, and each of them got twenty-two dollars to play with. That helped create even more excitement at the tables. Mrs. Henley and Mrs. Patterson were getting particularly loud, and one of Crystal doctor's poked his head into the activity room to see what all the commotion was. He was early for his appointment, and decided to sit in for a hand or two while waiting for the other doctor to finish upstairs. He quickly lost forty dollars to Mrs. Lieberman, which made him so sad that he said he now couldn't stay to see Crystal.

Friday, April 2, 2021

Jane's Tips For Online Dating


Because of the pandemic, many people are meeting online and conducting their relationships over the computer. While this might not sound like fun, there are some benefits to online dating. For example, no more awkward moments due to stomach troubles. If you are feeling gassy during your date, simply mute the computer's microphone until the feeling passes.

Thursday, April 1, 2021

Grandmother Winsome's Legal Advice


While painting your car an unusual color might impress a date, keep in mind that it will also make it easier for witnesses to recall and for authorities to spot in traffic.