Monday, October 24, 2016

Grandmother Winsome's Birthday Request

Kiddies, thanks to your generosity I have plenty of fur coats, and I have enough cats for the next several experiments. So for my birthday this year all I ask is that you help spread the word!

Here are some favorite ways to do just that:
  • Put an "I'm following Grandmother Winsome" bumper sticker on your car or on the wall of your cubicle at work.
  • Write to your mayor and demand that Grandmother Winsome receive a key to your city. 
  • Choose a busy public place, and act out your favorite scenes from "Grandmother Winsome's Variety Minute."
  • Hire a skywriting team to spell out "Follow the Grandmother's Fanny Game blog" over a football stadium this weekend.
  • Have a picture of your favorite Winsome Family member tattooed on your arm. If you're afraid of needles, have it tattooed on your child's arm. 
  • In your counseling sessions, during the word association game, always answer, "Grandmother Winsome."
  • If you work as a shrink, tell all your patients that the only path to sanity is by following Grandmother Winsome.
  • If you work in a Chinese restaurant, make sure all the fortune cookies read, "Grandmother Winsome has the answers." 
  • If you work as a psychic, tell your customers that their deceased loved ones are urging them to follow the Grandmother's Fanny Game blog. 
  • If you work as a ventriloquist, kindly ask your dummy to tell his audience about Grandmother’s Fanny Game. 
  • If you work in a computer store, be sure to have all of your display models set to the Grandmother’s Fanny Game blog page. 
  • When working for a suicide prevention hotline, just remind those prospective suicides that if they kill themselves, they'll miss the next Grandmother's Fanny Game blog update. 
  • If you are into graffiti, mention Grandmother Winsome in your tags. But be truthful. If it's a crummy place, be sure to write, "Grandmother Winsome was not here." 
  • When reading someone his last rites, also read him the latest Grandmother’s Fanny Game blog entry.
  • When defusing a bomb in a public place, take a moment to pretend you're unsure how to proceed and shout, "Somebody contact Grandmother Winsome!" 
  • When planting evidence in an unsuspecting neighbor's house, be sure to also bookmark the Grandmother's Fanny Game blog page on his computer. 
  • Tell the parole board that you’ve now found Grandmother Winsome and so the State has no further worries.

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