Kiddies, thanks to your generosity I have plenty of fur coats, and I have enough cats for the next several experiments. So for my birthday this year all I ask is that you help spread the word!
Here are some favorite ways to do just that:
- Put an "I'm following Grandmother Winsome" bumper sticker on your car or on the wall of your cubicle at work.
- Write to your mayor and demand that Grandmother Winsome receive a key to your city.
- Choose a busy public place, and act out your favorite scenes from "Grandmother Winsome's Variety Minute."
- Hire a skywriting team to spell out "Follow the Grandmother's Fanny Game blog" over a football stadium this weekend.
- Have a picture of your favorite Winsome Family member tattooed on your arm. If you're afraid of needles, have it tattooed on your child's arm.
- In your counseling sessions, during the word association game, always answer, "Grandmother Winsome."
- If you work as a shrink, tell all your patients that the only path to sanity is by following Grandmother Winsome.
- If you work in a Chinese restaurant, make sure all the fortune cookies read, "Grandmother Winsome has the answers."
- If you work as a psychic, tell your customers that their deceased loved ones are urging them to follow the Grandmother's Fanny Game blog.
- If you work as a ventriloquist, kindly ask your dummy to tell his audience about Grandmother’s Fanny Game.
- If you work in a computer store, be sure to have all of your display models set to the Grandmother’s Fanny Game blog page.
- When working for a suicide prevention hotline, just remind those prospective suicides that if they kill themselves, they'll miss the next Grandmother's Fanny Game blog update.
- If you are into graffiti, mention Grandmother Winsome in your tags. But be truthful. If it's a crummy place, be sure to write, "Grandmother Winsome was not here."
- When reading someone his last rites, also read him the latest Grandmother’s Fanny Game blog entry.
- When defusing a bomb in a public place, take a moment to pretend you're unsure how to proceed and shout, "Somebody contact Grandmother Winsome!"
- When planting evidence in an unsuspecting neighbor's house, be sure to also bookmark the Grandmother's Fanny Game blog page on his computer.
- Tell the parole board that you’ve now found Grandmother Winsome and so the State has no further worries.