Tuesday, October 14, 2014

Fanny Mail: A Parenting Question

Last night I received an email from Gregory Brock of Moberly, Missouri. Gregory writes: "My daughter has started developing much earlier than most girls, and is feeling very awkward about her body. I told her she looks sizzling hot, but she doesn't believe me because I'm her father so of course I'm going to say that. So I was wondering, is it possible to hire a troupe of clowns to pay her compliments?"

Gregory, that's a wonderful idea. Children trust clowns. And I've learned from experience that you can hire clowns to do just about anything. They are generally a desperate and hungry lot, with few scruples to get in the way. Be sure to hire only clowns with happy faces, for compliments from sad-faced clowns might seem insincere. By the way, I once knew a clown in "The Magic City." He is long since dead, having fallen asleep on the railroad tracks, but perhaps his descendants have kept up the family trade. Look into the Ginbottom family. Kahoots Ginbottom was once a relatively famous clown in those parts, and I can't imagine his name is entirely forgotten.

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