Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

When I got to the Birch Street Nursing Home this morning, Mr. Richards immediately asked me if I'd had a chance to write up the proposal for the activity room improvements. I told him that not only did I write up the proposal, but I then typed it during computer class at school so it looks professional. I took the page out of my backpack for him and the other patients to read. Mr. Richards told me I had done a great job, and then said he had come up with a few more ideas in the past week, including a glass chandelier to hang above the poker table. He asked if I could amend the proposal with those changes. I suggested we start with the proposal as written and see what the head nurse has to say before adding more requests. After a brief deliberation, he and the other patients agreed.

Dating Tips From The Winsome Women

I've read there's a new dating trend in which you let your friends vet possible matches for you. I think this is wonderful. First you should expand your group of friends as much as possible so that you have a large number of people out there working on your behalf. Be sure to pick friends who are less attractive than you. You don't want any potential matches getting stolen by a friend. And be sure to let all your friends know the lowest acceptable salary for any potential match. Then sit back and enjoy some chocolate while they find you the right man.

A Grandmother Winsome Tip For The Homeless

It's been brought to my attention that most homeless people now have cell phones and are able to check the Grandmother's Fanny Game blog for updates. So for you folks, I offer this tip: If you find a water bottle filled with what appears to be apple juice, leave it there on the sidewalk.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

When I got to the Birch Street Nursing Home today, the patients were again gathered around Mr. Richards. He was explaining his elaborate plans for the activity room, including pulling up the old carpet, swapping out the drapes and repainting the walls. He wants the room to be a bright yellow, with one fuchsia accent wall. The patients were thrilled with all his ideas, but I saw trouble ahead. I told them that we'd have to run these plans by the head nurse before making any big changes. Mrs. Patterson immediately agreed with me, and so Mr. Richards asked me to draw up a written proposal for the head nurse to approve. I promised I would do it this coming week.

Grandmother Winsome's Legal Advice

Kiddies, when on the witness stand, never be in a rush to answer a question from the prosecution. Give your attorney plenty of time to raise an objection to each question.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

This morning when I got to the Birch Street Nursing Home, I was surprised to find the patients talking about sprucing up the activity room, something Mr. Richards had mentioned last week. Usually they forget things like that after a week. But Mr. Richards had everyone gathered around him and was exciting them with his ideas on how to make the room fabulous. The patients got so fired up that they sent me out to the store to find a print of a painting that many of them remembered enjoying. I couldn't find the water lilies picture that they wanted, but I did find a poster of a kitten clinging to a branch. It was so cute, I knew they would like it. And they did. We tacked it up next to the poker table.

Dating Tips From The Winsome Women

I just read about a new trend in the dating world. It's called honesty, and while it may sound nice, I should caution you against fully embracing this trend. Telling a man all your needs on the first date is likely to scare him away. And then you won't have any of your needs met.

Fanny Mail: A Question About Jury Duty

Kiddies, today I received an email from Wilbur McAdoo of Westville, Oklahoma. Wilbur writes: "Dear Grandmother Winsome, as you are probably aware, it's not very difficult to get a pardon these days. Still, I was really happy to receive one for my felony, at least until I realized that it meant I was again eligible for jury duty. Is there a way to remain both out of prison and out of the jury pool?"

That's a good question, Wilbur. No one wants to deal with jury duty, though it's not quite as bad as being imprisoned. The good news is there are ways to avoid it without getting arrested for another felony. You could become a law enforcement official or licensed attorney or judge, for people in those occupations are not eligible for jury duty. Of those three, law enforcement official is the only one that doesn't require any education, and so is the easiest, quickest route. But if that is not an appealing option, another thing to do is have sexual relations with all the judges in your town. While that won't get you out of the jury pool, a relationship with a judge will disqualify you from serving. In a lot of places, being a student keeps you from having to serve, so you could enroll in a free community college course. Just be sure to never finish the course.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

Today at the Birch Street Nursing Home, Mr. Richards suggested that we go around the poker table and voice our New Year's resolutions. He volunteered to go first, and said he was resolved to spruce up the activity room, not just at holidays but the whole year. Everyone else got excited, and started giving him ideas on how to make the room more cheerful. Later I realized no one else actually ever got around to giving a New Year's resolution. But it didn't matter. We all had fun coming up with plans for revamping the activity room.