Dating Tips From The Winsome Women

If a man is enthusiastic about you, open up to him! It's unusual that a man wants to know so much about you, not only your favorite food and color, but the city where you were born, the street you grew up on, the name of your first pet, and your mother's maiden name. Don't be too guarded. In my recent experience, the more a man learns, the more excited he becomes.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

Today when I arrived at the Birch Street Nursing Home, Mrs. Lieberman was already at the poker table. But she was in no mood to play poker. She had a stack of papers in front of her, and told me they were part of a large package of evidence that the prosecution dropped off yesterday. She said the evidence also included a DVD with security footage, but she did not have a DVD player. I remembered that there was a television and DVD player in the head nurse's office, but when I checked that door, it was locked. Mrs. Lieberman was getting nervous. She handed me two hundred dollars and asked me to go buy her a DVD player. But I decided to first try a special trick that Grandmother had showed me. From my backpack, I took out a standard screwdriver and paper clip, and did exactly as she had taught me. Moments later, the door was unlocked and Mrs. Lieberman was watching the DVD in the head nurse's office. I moved the stack of papers from the poker table, and noticed that the top few sheets were photocopies of receipts from Mrs. Lieberman's trips to the art museum. I ran the poker game until an hour later when Mrs. Lieberman came back into the activity room, looking upset. She said she might have to change her defense strategy.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

Today at the Birch Street Nursing Home, Mrs. Lieberman was eager to take a break from reading her law books and play some poker. She got on a winning streak and said she hoped that streak would take her right through the trial.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

Today at the Birch Street Nursing Home, Mrs. Lieberman was in a good mood, because the judge had accepted her request for an extension in her upcoming trial. Now that she is acting as her own attorney, Mrs. Lieberman has been needing my help. As she requested, I returned the books I had checked out from my school library, and brought her several law books from the public library. When Mrs. Lieberman began going through those books, I decided to take a look around the activity room for two missing books that the librarian at my school told me were not in the stack with the others I returned. I was about ready to give up when Mr. Matthews came down the stairs carrying Susie Takes The Stand and It Wasn't Emily's Fault. Before I left for the day, Mrs. Lieberman praised my new selection of books, saying she was well on her way to being declared not guilty.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

After Mrs. Lieberman decided to become her own counsel for her upcoming trial, she asked me to get as many books on law out of the library as I could. Today I brought a bag full of books from my school library to her at the Birch Street Nursing Home, but Mrs. Lieberman said that none of them would be any help and told me I had to go to the adult library. I was a little disappointed. I thought Little Billy Goes To Court and Why Daddy Will Be Gone For Three To Five Years had a lot of useful information.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

I wasn't surprised to find Mrs. Lieberman's public defense attorney waiting outside when I got to the Birch Street Nursing Home this morning. She didn't seem as happy as she was last week. When we got inside, she told Mrs. Lieberman that the district attorney wouldn't budge, since there was so much evidence against her, including video footage from the museum of her taking the 16th-century vase. She urged Mrs. Lieberman again to take the plea deal. But instead, Mrs. Lieberman fired her and announced she would represent herself. Mrs. Lieberman immediately began drafting a letter to the judge requesting an extension, and left me in charge of the poker game.

Grandmother Winsome's Tips For Better Living

If a neighbor's child is injured on your property, it's best to finish him off and bury the evidence rather than risk a lawsuit from his parents.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

This morning when I arrived at the Birch Street Nursing Home, Mrs. Lieberman's public defense attorney was standing at the door again. She told me she didn't bother knocking this time, since she knew I'd be along soon to open the door. She also said she had come with good news for Mrs. Lieberman. I was eager to hear it, but she told me it was something for her client's ears. Mrs. Lieberman was already setting up the poker table when we walked into the activity room. Right away, the public defender announced that she negotiated a plea deal with the district attorney. Mrs. Lieberman would no longer be charged with felony theft. All she had to do was plead guilty to the lesser charge of misdemeanor theft. She seemed so pleased when she said it, and most of the patients took it as a good sign. But Mrs. Lieberman was quiet for almost a minute. When she finally spoke, she said, "No deal."

An Important Message From Grandmother Winsome

Kiddies, unless you're filming someone's suicide off a high-rise building, hold your cell phones horizontally. You'll capture more of the action that way.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

When I got to the Birch Street Nursing Home this morning, I was surprised to see Mrs. Lieberman's public defense attorney standing outside. She said she'd been knocking on the door for a while, but no one had answered. When I let her in with my key, she told me she was there to get character witness statements from the other patients. Mrs. Henley was the first to be interviewed, and she was thrilled that this lawyer was adopting the strategy that she herself used. I just hope the outcome is better for Mrs. Lieberman than it was at our mock trial when Mrs. Henley defended her.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

When I got to the Birch Street Nursing Home this morning, the first thing I did was ask Mrs. Lieberman if she'd heard from her defense attorney. She said she hadn't, but assured me she wasn't worried, that these things take time. I had my doubts, until she won the first three hands of the poker game, and then I knew that she wasn't distracted much by her upcoming trial.

Another Important Message From Grandmother Winsome

Kiddies, beware! The photo that has been circulating online is bogus! After many discussions with top cardinals about my taking over the papacy, I must inform my fans that we were not able to reach satisfactory terms. So the image you have been seeing everywhere is merely a tactic on the part of the Vatican in the hope that I would change my mind. For the foreseeable future, Winsome Headquarters will remain right where it is.

Grandmother Winsome's Legal Advice

Kiddies, while a fake mustache can work well as part of a man's disguise, it could inadvertently call more attention to you if you're a woman.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

Today at the Birch Street Nursing Home, our poker game was interrupted by Mrs. Lieberman's public defense attorney. She came in and spread her papers out on the poker table, and asked Mrs. Lieberman to give her own account of the events leading to the museum's 16th century vase ending up at the Birch Street Nursing Home. Mrs. Henley, who played the defense attorney in our own mock trial of Mrs. Lieberman, interrupted to say that all the patients really enjoyed having the vase on the poker table. She said it brightened up the place, even though Mrs. Lieberman wouldn't let them put any flowers in it. Mrs. Lieberman told the attorney she had gotten confused at the museum and thought she was in the gift shop. When the attorney finished taking Mrs. Lieberman's statement, she promised she'd do everything she could for her client and would be in touch soon.

An Important Message From Grandmother Winsome

Kiddies, I appreciate your many messages encouraging me to accept the position as the next pope. While I value your support, I am far too busy to take on that job and to move Winsome Headquarters to Rome. But if you see pink smoke rising from the Sistine Chapel, you'll know that those cardinals sweetened the pot enough to get me to change my mind.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

Today I brought three boxes of doughnuts to the Birch Street Nursing Home to help cheer up Mrs. Lieberman after the unexpected results of last week's mock trial. The patients played poker and ate doughnuts all day and did not once mention her legal troubles.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

Today we held our mock trial of Mrs. Lieberman at the Birch Street Nursing Home, to help calm her fears before her real trial. I played the judge. The judge's robe that Grandmother lent me was a little big, but once I was seated I was no longer worried about tripping on it. I called court to order at 9 o'clock. Mr. Pearlman, playing the prosecutor, made his opening statement, and everyone was impressed by his argument. He didn't pull any punches, and went right after Mrs. Lieberman, reminding the jury that they had all seen the stolen vase and worn the stolen hats. Even Mrs. Henley, who was playing the defense attorney, applauded Mr. Pearlman's performance. Mrs. Henley's defense was largely based on Mrs. Lieberman's good character. She reminded the jury that Mrs. Lieberman gave the stolen hats and purses to them, and that the vase was there for the enjoyment of everyone while we played poker. Mrs. Henley also called witnesses who testified that Mrs. Lieberman made things fun at the Birch Street Nursing Home by running the poker game and by setting up fireworks displays on the 4th of July. As the closing arguments were made, I wasn't sure which way the jury would go, and thought deliberation might go on for hours. But after only five minutes, the jury foreman, Mrs. Kunkle, told me that they had reached a verdict. Mrs. Lieberman was guilty on all counts. And now Mrs. Lieberman is more nervous than before.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

Today at the Birch Street Nursing Home, Mrs. Lieberman was having an off day at the poker table. I knew something was wrong when she folded with three of a kind. When I asked her about it, she told me she was nervous about her upcoming trial. I suggested we hold a mock trial at the Birch Street Nursing Home to help calm her fears. I could pretend to be the judge, and the other patients could act as prosecutors, defense attorneys, witnesses and jury members. Mrs. Lieberman took to the idea, and before I left this afternoon I assigned roles to the other patients and told them to be prepared for next Saturday.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

Today at the Birch Street Nursing Home, Mr. Pearlman surprised us by saying that he wanted to join the poker game. We didn't have any braille playing cards, so Mrs. Henley offered to whisper to him which cards he had in his hand. We could all hear Mrs. Henley, and it wasn't long before Mr. Pearlman lost all his money.

Grandmother Winsome's Legal Advice

Kiddies, remember that if you are out on bail you should not contact any witnesses. Instead, have an associate do that for you.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

During a bathroom break in the poker game today at the Birch Street Nursing Home, Mrs. Lieberman read aloud to me the conditions of her bond. She laughed at all the things she's not allowed to do, including setting foot within a hundred yards of the art museum and JoAnn's Hats And Purses.

A Parenting Tip From Grandmother Winsome

For your family photos, arrange your children in the order of preference, with your favorites closest to you in the center. That way, if need be, it will be easy to crop out the others at a later date.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

Today during a tense hand of poker at the Birch Street Nursing Home, Mrs. Henley suddenly blurted out that she didn't care if the hats and purses were hot, that she appreciated the gesture. Mrs. Lieberman thanked her and said if she's able to beat the rap at her upcoming trial she will do her best to replace all the items the police confiscated.

Grandmother Winsome's Legal Advice

Kiddies, if you plan on dumping a body in the ocean, for heaven's sake, do not embalm it first! Embalming a body actually helps preserve it, and will likely keep certain fish from finding it a tasty treat.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

Monday I took Mrs. Lieberman's stack of money to the jail to bail her out. But the man behind the desk wouldn't take the money. He told me I was legally too young to bail someone out of jail, and that the money had to be presented at the courthouse anyway. I was able to talk Jane into driving me yesterday after school and delivering the bail. All I had to do was tell her that there would be lots of single lawyers there. It took a while, but afterward we were able to pick up Mrs. Lieberman at the jail and drive her back to the Birch Street Nursing Home. So today, the poker game at the Birch Street Nursing Home was back to normal, though we still need to replace the card shuffler that the police confiscated.

Grandmother Winsome's Legal Advice

If a stranger calls your name, don't react until you're certain he is not there to serve you papers.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

Today at the Birch Street Nursing Home, we received a collect call from Mrs. Lieberman in jail. The first thing she did was remind me that the call was being recorded. Then she told me she was touched by the patients' letter that I had sent. She said she was doing well, and that the food is better there than at the Birch Street Nursing Home, but that the poker game isn't as much fun. I asked her when she's coming back, and she told me it all depends on when someone might bail her out. She then told me that when I do my rounds to please fix the loose floorboard under her bed. I knew what she meant, and Monday after school I will take the money to jail to get her out.

Spread The Word

Help spread the word, Kiddies! If you are running for political office, in all your speeches be sure to say that it's time this country got back to Winsome Family values.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

Mrs. Lieberman is still in jail. And for the second week in a row, the poker game wasn't much fun at the Birch Street Nursing Home. Before lunch, we had given up on the game entirely. The patients wanted to spend time writing a letter for me to send to Mrs. Lieberman. I kept in the line about how they all miss her, but cut out the line about how they also miss their new hats and purses, which were confiscated by the police. The one silver lining of the whole ordeal is that Mrs. Patterson has not once mentioned the dead Mrs. Shimshack, not even when the police took her hat and purse. It's good to know that my experiment has had a lasting effect.

Grandmother Winsome's Legal Advice

Kiddies, if you are creating false documents under a British alias, remember it is not enough to simply adopt a name like Nigel or Percy. You must also use the British spelling of words, such as "organise" and "colour."

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

We really missed Mrs. Lieberman today at the Birch Street Nursing Home, and we're all hoping she gets out of jail soon. I bought a new deck of cards to help keep the patients' minds occupied, but the poker game just wasn't the same without Mrs. Lieberman. And it didn't have that same excitement without real money to play with. We didn't have chips, and elbow macaroni just doesn't have the same pizzazz. Mrs. Henley suggested baking a chocolate cake with a file inside to take to Mrs. Lieberman in jail. Some of the others were gung ho about the idea, but I told them we'd better not make things worse than they already are.

Grandmother Winsome's Tips For Better Living

Kiddies, if you're programming emotions into your robot maid, then be sure to get her a little something for each of the major holidays. You don't want what happened here at Winsome Headquarters this morning to happen to you. When my robot maid saw that she was the only one not getting a Valentine's Day gift, she flew into a jealous rage and tore up everyone's cards, threw the flowers in the trash, and flushed the chocolates down the toilet.

Grandmother Winsome's Tips For Better Living

If there is a questionable package you need to send through the mail, now is the perfect time. Slap a few Valentine's Day stickers on the box, and the postal workers will let it go. No one wants to ruin a Valentine's Day surprise.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

I had trouble concentrating in school yesterday and today, and so decided to walk over to the Birch Street Nursing Home to see if Mrs. Lieberman and Mrs. Patterson were out of jail. The head nurse was surprised to see me and reminded me that I don't get paid for any unscheduled visits. I told her that was fine, and asked her about the two patients. It turns out Mrs. Patterson is back in her room upstairs, but Mrs. Lieberman is still in jail.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

This morning, the poker game at the Birch Street Nursing Home was interrupted by the police pounding on the front door. As they came in, they told me they had a search warrant. The first thing they did was grab the new vase from the poker table. Then they began questioning some of the patients, who were happy to have some new people to talk to. The female officer complimented Mrs. Henley on her new hat. Mrs. Henley told the officer that Mrs. Lieberman had given all the patients beautiful hats, and purses too. Soon that female officer was on the phone, and it wasn't long before the cops were taking everyone's hats and purses. They also took the poker money, the card shuffler and even the deck of cards. Worst of all, they took Mrs. Lieberman, along with her infrared goggles, some tools and masks from her room. Mrs. Patterson refused to give up her purse and hat, and instead used them to hit one of the officers before running up the stairs to her room. I had never seen her move so quickly. The police followed her, and Mrs. Patterson must have put up a good fight because it was at least twenty minutes before the officers brought her down in handcuffs. I left a note for the head nurse saying that the police had arrested Mrs. Lieberman and Mrs. Patterson.

Spread The Word

If you are in charge of sending out those government alerts to every cell phone in an area when there is crucial information to be disseminated, use your position to let everyone know when there is a new post on the Grandmother's Fanny Game blog.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

Today during the poker game, the patients kept talking about that beautiful new vase, saying they'd sure like to see it again. Finally Mrs. Lieberman agreed to get it, but only if the others promised not to bang on the table in frustration if they got a bad hand. Mrs. Henley remarked that things have really improved at the Birch Street Nursing Home since they all got new hats and purses, and now a beautiful vase to look at. She then led everyone in a cheer for Mrs. Lieberman, the woman responsible for these gifts.

A Special Message From Edward

It is a stressful time for many people, and I have decided to do my part to help. My traveling massage parlor is now a safe haven for undocumented children. Don't worry, parents, the authorities will never find your adorable kids.

Grandmother Winsome's Tips For Better Living

It's a good idea to befriend a family of cannibals. That way, someone who can consume certain evidence for you is always just a phone call away.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

This morning when I got to the Birch Street Nursing Home, there was a beautiful vase on the poker table. Mrs. Lieberman let me pick it up to take a closer look, but told me to be very careful with it. It had flowers in different shades of blue, with gold trim at the top. I offered to run to the store to get a bouquet to put inside, but Mrs. Lieberman told me not to bother because water might damage the vase. But we all enjoyed looking at it during the poker game. Until Mrs. Patterson was dealt a bad hand and pounded on the table, almost knocking the vase over. At that point, Mrs. Lieberman took the vase upstairs to her room, where it would be safe.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

Today at the Birch Street Nursing Home, Mrs. Lieberman left me in charge of the poker game for several hands while she made some important phone calls. I overheard her say something about the art museum's winter hours, and wondered if she is planning on having me take the patients on a field trip. I didn't ask her about it, because I didn't want to spoil things if it's supposed to be a surprise.

Dating Tips From The Winsome Women

If you have the good fortune of being within driving distance of the California wildfires, then you are within driving distance of hundreds of out-of-town firefighters, who are both lonely and in need of back rubs after a week of exhausting work. So get yourself dolled up, book a nice hotel room and let those firefighters know you're there.

Dating Tips From The Winsome Women

If you are eager to find a man, Florida might be the place for you. Now that the state government there has enacted its age verification law, making it difficult to access adult websites, the men are getting restless. Take advantage of this perfect opportunity. The men there will be only too happy to shell out money for an excellent dinner in order to get a little attention.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

Because I was away on a road trip with Grandmother for the New Year, and was too tired to organize anything last Saturday, today I had the patients at the Birch Street Nursing Home announce their New Year's resolutions. But they got confused, and kept asking if it was really New Year's Eve again. They were upset that they'd lost another year. Except for Mrs. Henley, who kept shouting "Happy New Year!" and blowing into something she thought was a noisemaker.

Dating Tips From The Winsome Women

While an artificial intelligence companion might seem like an exciting option in today's dating world, keep in mind that no computer-generated partner is going to buy you a nice dinner and expensive jewelry. So don't waste your time with this nonsense. It's best to go the tried-and-true route of meeting men at bars.

Grandmother Winsome's Legal Advice

Kiddies, if you are driving to a wildfire to dispose of evidence, be careful about smoke inhalation. Wear a mask, and keep your time in that area to a minimum.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

I was tired walking to the Birch Street Nursing Home this morning, because we got back to Winsome Headquarters late last night. To celebrate the New Year, Grandmother took us on a special road trip, and we helped her dispose of all the leftover evidence from 2024. There was a lot. Edward had to hook up the trailer to Grandmother's station wagon. We had such a good time that Grandmother said this might become a new Winsome Family tradition.