Fanny Mail: A Fan Scores In Edmonton

Kiddies, I am catching up on some email that I received in the past week, including a message from Tristan Brown, a fan in Edmonton, Alberta. Tristan writes: "Dear Grandmother Winsome, what a game last night! I hadn't been to a hockey game since I was a kid. But after I read your legal tip on a good way of getting rid of a hat that might have been visible on security cameras, I bought a ticket and went to the arena. As luck would have it, one of the stars of the home team scored a hat trick. Hundreds of hats went flying onto the ice, including the one I used at a job a week ago. Thank you for that wonderful tip and for rekindling my interest in hockey. I had a blast!"

Wonderful, Sweetie! I actually was watching that game, and it tickles me to know that one of the hats I saw flying from the seats was yours. Enjoy the rest of the series.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

All week at school I thought about the plan for my next experiment, and this morning after talking with Mrs. Lieberman I decided to move ahead with it. I had to run the idea by her since the experiment would possibly affect the outcome of the poker games. So today only half the patients at the Birch Street Nursing Home, chosen mostly at random, received breakfast. With the promise that she'd be one of the patients to get breakfast, Mrs. Lieberman agreed to help make sure each of the patients started the day with the same amount of cash. Seeing which group has more money at the end of the day is one way of indicating how those players are performing. The data from this first day of the experiment seems to suggest that breakfast is the most important meal of the day, because the group without breakfast won only twenty percent of the hands. I have to remember to buy a new deck of cards before next Saturday because Mrs. Henley took bites out of the two of hearts and the ten of clubs.

Edward's Ice Cream Truck Adventures

I took the ice cream truck on the road early this year because I read that the cicadas are out in full force in certain states. Right now I am in South Carolina, and you wouldn't believe the noise these insects make. You couldn't hear even a dozen children screaming over this racket. It was certainly worth the trip. Next stop: Georgia.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

Things continue to be good with both Mrs. Patterson and Mr. Tanaka, the subjects of my last two experiments. Now I'm toying with an idea for my next experiment at the Birch Street Nursing Home. They say that breakfast is the most important meal of the day. But is it? One idea I have is to withhold breakfast from half the patients each Saturday and see how it affects their poker game. If the old saying is correct, then they will make more mistakes than the group that gets breakfast. Before committing to this plan, I'll think more about it at school next week.

Grandmother Winsome's Legal Advice

Kiddies, wearing a hat will help obscure your features and keep hairs from being left at the scene. But because of possible security cameras, you'll want to get rid of that hat. One way to dispose of the hat is to go to a hockey game, and when the star player scores his third goal, throw it onto the ice where it will get mixed up with hundreds of other hats thrown by fans in celebration of the hat trick.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

I conducted two successful experiments recently at the Birch Street Nursing Home, and today decided to take a break and focus on poker. The patients were happy to have me at the poker table for the entire day this time, especially Mrs. Henley, who outplayed me on a high-stakes hand near the end of the afternoon. I had gone all in on three queens, but Mrs. Henley had a full house. Even though I lost my earnings for the day, I had a wonderful time.

Spread The Word

Help spread the word, Kiddies! If you work as an astronaut, put an "I'm following Grandmother Winsome" bumper sticker on your space ship, and leave a few behind on the next planet you visit for anyone else who might come along.

And for any fan who has run out of bumper stickers, I just found a box of them here at Winsome Headquarters. Drop me a line with your address and the number you need.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

My treatment worked! According to the data collection forms Mrs. Henley handed me this morning at the Birch Street Nursing Home, Mr. Tanaka has stopped scratching that irritated spot under his chin. I did notice, however, that the skin there is now a different color from the rest of his neck, so I offered to even it out for him by using my machine again. But he said he liked it as it is.

Grandmother Winsome's Legal Advice

If you've just moved to a new town and are curious which activities you need to be secretive about in the area, do not call the police directly to inquire. Though that might be quicker, it is better to take the extra time to do the research yourself. Local authorities tend to be suspicious of new individuals anyway, and you don't want to lend more credence to their assumptions.