Grandmother Winsome's Tips For Better Living

Do not rely solely on a “Beware of Dog” sign to scare off potential burglars. To really do the trick, scatter some human bones around the perimeter of your property.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home: Memorial Day Edition

As I promised the patients on Saturday, today I took them on a picnic. I used the $650 I won in the poker game to buy lots of food and drink. I also got one of the school bus drivers, who had the day off, to drive everyone to the park in exchange for a hundred dollars and all the hot dogs he could eat. Boy, were the patients surprised when I showed up at the Birch Street Nursing Home this morning in a school bus. It took me a while to get them all loaded on, and there were three bathroom stops along the way, but once we got to the park, everyone had a really good time. Mrs. Henley helped me unload all the food and drink through the emergency exit at the back of the bus, and she was thrilled when she saw the size of the tub of potato salad. While we were doing that, Mrs. Lieberman helped the others get settled at some picnic tables next to the pond. As Mrs. Kunkle was watching the ducks float by, she said she was happy to see something other than the front yard of the Birch Street Nursing Home, and the others agreed that it was nice to get away for a day. Bus driver Bill ate six hot dogs, which was not the day's record. Once Mrs. Henley finished off the potato salad, she had seven and a half!

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

When I got to the Birch Street Nursing Home this morning, there was a note from the head nurse letting me know I'll be needed on Memorial Day, because the nurses are planning to go on a picnic. I have that day off from school, so it will be no problem. The Birch Street Nursing Home poker game continues to be exciting because of all that money I found in the metal briefcase. Today I won $650 in a single hand, when my full house beat Mrs. Macmillan's straight. I told the patients I'm going to use that money to take them on their own picnic this Monday. Mrs. Henley told me not to forget the potato salad.

Dating Tips From The Winsome Women

Just because a guy doesn't invite you to his sentencing hearing doesn't necessarily mean he's no longer interested in you. He likely just wants to avoid having you see him in one of those unflattering prison jumpsuits.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

When I arrived at the Birch Street Nursing Home this morning, Mrs. Lieberman was not at the poker table. I was about to ask Mrs. Henley if she knew where she might be when I heard some banging down in my basement laboratory. As I got to the bottom of the stairs, I saw Mrs. Lieberman pounding on the metal briefcase with some of my laboratory tools. There were several dents in it, but when she saw me, she stopped and told me she was having trouble destroying the case. And she said she was getting tired. I offered to take over the job for her, but after a moment, she said it would be easier for me to just throw the case in the dumpster behind the grocery store on my way home. She placed it in a black garbage bag, and this afternoon as I was leaving the Birch Street Nursing Home, she reminded me not to let anyone see what was inside.

Dating Tips From The Winsome Women

Just because a guy is found guilty doesn't necessarily mean that you won't be able to continue your date soon. He was likely convicted of those crimes only because the lawyer refused to call you as a character witness, and now because of inadequate legal representation, he has perfect grounds for appeal.

Grandmother Winsome's Legal Advice

If you're looking for a relaxing way to dispose of evidence, book yourself a cruise. Then you can leave some of the evidence at each of the various ports where the boat stops.

Edward's Ice Cream Truck Adventures

I'm continuing my tour of this nation's breath-taking parks. Today I found a little out-of-the-way park, where the neighborhood children are allowed to play unattended. I handed out lots of tasty treats, and took several photos for my scrapbook.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

Mrs. Henley won more than eight hundred dollars at the poker game this morning at the Birch Street Nursing Home. And when she revealed her hand, we learned that she had been bluffing the whole time, and both Mr. Tanaka and Mrs. Kunkle had better cards. Mr. Tanaka was cursing himself for folding on a flush. To make him feel better, Mrs. Henley used some of her winnings to have food delivered to the poker club. There were so many entrees and sides, that even when everyone was full, there were still plenty of leftovers. Mrs. Henley was sad to see it go, but asked me to take the rest of the food home so that the Sunday nurse wouldn't see it when she came in.

Dating Tips From The Winsome Women

Show you're really interested in a man by offering to be a character witness at his trial.

Edward's Ice Cream Truck Adventures

Today marked the start of my tour of this nation's breath-taking parks. My first stop was at a park about a hundred and fifty miles from Winsome Headquarters. I'd been to this park a few times, and always had success there, even selling some ice cream. The park did not disappoint me, and though I'd like to stay here another day or two, I've got to get moving.

Grandmother Winsome's Wedding Tip

If you think guests will be reluctant to attend your wedding reception, just tell them that the DJ will be reading out any Grandmother's Fanny Game updates as they occur so they won't miss a thing.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

When I got to the Birch Street Nursing Home this morning, Mrs. Lieberman pulled me aside to check if I had burned all the documents from the briefcase like she had asked me to. I assured her that all the papers, photos and the map were destroyed, along with a lot of other evidence, in the Winsome Headquarters incinerator this week. Mrs. Lieberman was much more relaxed during the game and won more than a thousand dollars.

Dating Tips From The Winsome Women

Just because a guy uses a court-appointed lawyer doesn't necessarily mean he's poor. He's probably saving his money so that after the trial he can take you on a special vacation to make up for the date that was interrupted by his arrest.

Grandmother Winsome's Legal Advice

Picking up a hitchhiker is a good way of getting an extra set of fingerprints on the door handle, seat belt and console of your vehicle. And if need be, just ask him to open the trunk once or twice.

Edward's Ice Cream Truck Adventures

This great nation has a lot of breath-taking parks, and I've decided to tour as many of them as I can this summer. But of course not all of them have the same amenities. I want to visit only the ones with the best playground equipment that will attract the cutest children, so I am doing my research before I hit the road in my ice cream truck.