Friday, March 4, 2016
Dear Kiddies, as an objective scientist, I have to accept an experiment's results, even when they are not what I desired or expected. Back in August, I started an experiment in an effort to cause cats to bark like dogs. The idea came to me after reading a fan's letter about a medical condition called Foreign Accent Syndrome, in which people suddenly begin speaking with a foreign accent after severe head trauma.
In my experiment, none of the cats ended up barking like dogs. In fact, most never meowed again either. After multiple trials, I’ve decided to terminate Experiment 8373. I wish to thank all of you who sent in cats for this experiment. I promise that the few cats I have left over will not go to waste.