Experiment Participant

The cats in Hawaii run free. Clearly the people here are ignorant of proper cat storage.

Just for my books, what kind of cat was this?

Poolside Negotiations

It looks like I'm not the only one doing work in Hawaii.  Here a woman with a fashionable sweater is getting assistance from a local girl.

Pistol Jim Revisited

I was so impressed with Pistol Jim's performance yesterday that I went back today to convince him to participate in my experiment.

Enjoying The Hawaiian Culture

I put my money on Pistol Jim.

Location for Experiment 0231-A

Sound really does travel here. But it's difficult to pinpoint its origin, so not to worry.

Grandmother's Special Excursion

Aloha, Kiddies! Greetings from the Koa Kea Hotel & Resort, where I'm enjoying a delicious beverage by the pool. But it's not all fun and games. I'll be doing some important work while I'm here. I didn't want to conduct this experiment too close to home. So I've come to Hawaii.

Cindy Cheers Up The Elderly (Week 8)

This week to cheer up the elderly, I removed all the hair from Mrs. Shimshack's necklace.  

Cindy Cheers Up The Elderly (Week 7)

This week to cheer up the elderly, I stayed up way past midnight talking on the phone with Mr. Matthews so he wouldn't feel lonely on the anniversary of his wife's death.

Dating Tips From The Winsome Women (Valentine's Day Edition Tip #4)

The special day is here.  And if you're still looking for a helpful hint, here is today's tip...

If you've done some investigative work for someone, that doesn't necessarily exclude her from being your number one gal.  Just be sure to take her out some place nice, where she can wear her best pink sweater.

Dating Tips From The Winsome Women (Valentine's Day Edition Tip #3)

Cindy contributed today's helpful tip.

If you like a boy in your class, bring in an extra cupcake to share with him.  

Dating Tips From The Winsome Women (Valentine's Day Edition Tip #2)

Today's contribution comes from Jane.  

A mink jacket means a man is interested, but a full-length coat indicates a serious commitment. 

Dating Tips From The Winsome Women (Valentine's Day Edition Tip #1)

Remind young men that older women know more tricks than young women. And the older the gal, the more tricks she knows. 

Grandmother Winsome's Variety Minute Episode 14: The Man With The Blue Umbrella

I'm so delighted to announce that a new episode of my wonderful program is ready for your viewing pleasure.  Alfred Cobbler makes his return in "The Man With The Blue Umbrella."

Cindy Cheers Up The Elderly (Week 6)

This week to cheer up the elderly, I put on a puppet show at the Birch Street Nursing Home using some of the invalids' socks.

Cindy Cheers Up The Elderly (Week 5)

This week to cheer up the elderly, I smiled throughout Mrs. Shimshack's entire tale of her youth.

Cindy Cheers Up The Elderly (Week 4)

This week to cheer up the elderly...  While Sniffles, Mr. Pearlman's guide dog, was mending at the vet again, I helped out as a substitute, leading Mr. Pearlman around.  With one small adjustment, the harness fit me perfectly.

Cindy Cheers Up The Elderly (Week 3)

This week to cheer up the elderly, I made up a fun dance routine and performed it for them at the park. One old man liked it so much he asked me to do it again, but slower.

Cindy Cheers Up The Elderly (Week 2)

This week to cheer up the elderly, I scraped some gum off the park bench so they'll have a clean place to spend their days.

Cindy Cheers Up The Elderly (Week 1)

I am sticking to my New Year's resolution.  This week to cheer up the elderly, I helped take down Christmas decorations at the Birch Street Nursing Home. 

Coping With A Sick Maid

Don't get upset if your maid is sick.  While I understand the urge to fire her, you could also retain her and have her perform some outdoor chores until the illness passes. That way she won't infect any members of the household.

This list of chores my maid has performed will give you some ideas:

1. Pick weeds around the perimeter of the property.
2. Wash the car.
3. Paint the fence.
4. Clear brush from the yard.
5. Dig a hole for a new garden.
6. Cut firewood.
7. Clear dead branches from the tops of trees and power lines.
8. Remove any animal droppings from the yard.
9. Re-shingle the roof.
10. Clean dead birds from the gutter.
11. Remove the family of raccoons from the tool shed.

Winsome Family Resolutions (Grandmother Winsome)

The night is finally upon us, Kiddies!  Enjoy your New Year's Eve celebrations.  And don't forget those resolutions.  Here is mine.

To not let the evidence pile up.

Winsome Family Resolutions (Jane)

Today I offer Jane's New Year's resolution.

To be less upset when unattractive men compliment me.

Winsome Family Resolutions (Milton)

Today I offer Milton's New Year's resolution:

To come up with a new game you can play with cats.

Winsome Family Resolutions (Edward)

Today I offer Edward's New Year's resolution.

 To run my errands earlier in the day, so I'll be free by 2 p.m. to follow the school bus on its route.

Winsome Family Resolutions (Cindy)

I'm thrilled that so many people enjoyed our Christmas tips.  In fact, my blog reached a record number of views this month.  To lead us into the new year, some of the Winsome Family members will be contributing their New Year's resolutions.  The first comes from Cindy.

To do one thing each week to cheer up the elderly.

Winsome Family Christmas Tips (Tip #25)

Happy Christmas, Kiddies. Here is today's special holiday tip:

The day after Christmas is a good day to throw away any evidence you might have been storing. Since everyone is tossing out great amounts of stuff on that day, your numerous large trash bags won't draw any unwanted attention.

Winsome Family Christmas Tips (Tip #24)

Remember on Christmas to take a moment to think of those less fortunate than you. That's a good way to provide a much needed chuckle during this sometimes stressful holiday.

Winsome Family Christmas Tips (Tip #23)

This Christmas, don't forget your maid. I've already purchased my maid's gift - red and green rubber gloves. Other ideas that will work equally well include red and green paper towels, red and green sponges, and red and green dish rags. Receiving such a thoughtful, personal gift will make her more happy about working through the holiday.

Winsome Family Christmas Tips (Tip #22)

If you're planning on dressing as Santa Claus on Christmas Eve, hire midgets to play your minions. They will surely delight your children. Toss them down the chimney first to help cushion your fall.

Winsome Family Christmas Tips (Tip #21)

Coal is still a good gift for naughty children. But children who are extra naughty deserve something more, like a cute outfit or a new bicycle.

Winsome Family Christmas Tips (Tip #20)

Keep your grandmother warm this holiday with a new mink.

Winsome Family Christmas Tips (Tip #19)

Remember, lots of people get sick at this time of year, so illness is a believable excuse if you wish to avoid seeing certain relatives. Telling them you don't feel up for a visit isn't really a lie, is it?

Winsome Family Christmas Tips (Tip #18)

If your office decides to do a Secret Santa, this provides an opportunity to get rid of some evidence, and to get a second set of prints on it.

Winsome Family Christmas Tips (Tip #17)

If you find yourself in a light-hearted competition with your neighbors over who can more festively decorate their homes to show their holiday spirit, dress a homeless person as Santa Claus and have him stand in your yard saying "Ho ho ho" to any passersby. An alternative is to dress him as a snowman. You can cover him with snow, but remind him he's not to eat the carrot you use as a nose.

Winsome Family Christmas Tips (Tip #16)

If your child has gone missing or is recently deceased and you haven't reported it, simply have your maid sign the child's name on your Christmas cards. Her squiggly handwriting and poor grasp on spelling will easily duplicate a young child's attempt at a signature.

Winsome Family Christmas Tips (Tip #15)

If you dress as Santa Claus, children will sit on your lap and tell you all their desires. When they're done, feel free to tell them a few of your own.

Winsome Family Christmas Tips (Tip #14)

Don't get a terminally ill person a long book as a Christmas gift.

Winsome Family Christmas Tips (Tip #13)

Use the socks of loved ones who have died in the past year as Christmas stockings.  This will keep them present for one final holiday.  Don't bother using baby's socks, however, as not much will fit in them.

Winsome Family Christmas Tips (Tip #12)

Young children love looking at Christmas lights, so be sure to hang some around your bedroom window.

Winsome Family Christmas Tips (Tip #11)

Staying after school to help decorate the classroom for the holiday has its rewards. I got to be the first one under the mistletoe with my teacher.

Winsome Family Christmas Tips (Tip #10)

Remember to buy your grandmother something expensive this year.

Winsome Family Christmas Tips (Tip #9)

Ladies, don’t wait until the week before Christmas to meet someone. Because then he is under no obligation to buy you a gift. It’s best to find that special someone by the 15th. That gives you enough time for three dates before the holiday, and at that point he’ll certainly want to buy you something nice. Also, in this early getting-to-know-you stage, you can concentrate on your most desired gift. He won’t know all of your interests yet, so be sure to focus those early conversations on the beauty of a full-length ranch mink.

Winsome Family Christmas Tips (Tip #8)

To save money on decorations this year, put your Christmas tree in a corner.  That way, you only have to decorate approximately half of it. 

Winsome Family Christmas Tips (Tip #7)

Help out the environment by purchasing a fake Christmas tree this year. If you want to make it seem more authentic, find some bird's eggs and a nest to put on a couple of the branches.

Winsome Family Christmas Tips (Tip #6)

Remember, lines at the post office get quite long this time of year. So when you send the maid to mail your packages, have her take some knitting along to keep her busy. That way, you're still getting your money's worth from her.

Winsome Family Christmas Tips (Tip #5)

Make sure you have last year's blood and urine stains professionally cleaned out of your Santa suit before donning it this season.

Winsome Family Christmas Tips (Tip #4)

Christmas is a time for family, and so in the spirit of the holiday, several members of the Winsome Family will be offering tips on how to make the most of this festive time. Here is one from Edward.

If you get a job as a department store Santa, sometimes a young child will wet himself on you. You don't even have to pay him. It's just one of the benefits of employment.

Winsome Family Christmas Tips (Tip #3)

To help your maid celebrate her heritage and culture, put some candy in her pockets, and let the children hit her with a stick. She'll appreciate the effort to make her feel at home without the trouble of having to go to Mexico and then sneak back over the border again.

Winsome Family Christmas Tips (Tip #2)

Have your maid volunteer at a food bank, and tell her to be sure to grab a few cans of the choicest foods to bring home.

Winsome Family Christmas Tips (Tip #1)

Sending Christmas cards to your relatives will help keep them at bay for another year, while simultaneously making them think kindly of you. This is important especially if they're elderly and drawing up their wills.

Questions About Australia

I'm so pleased that folks around the world are now viewing my blog. I've received messages from people as far away as India and England. But I've noticed very few people from Australia have tuned in. Curious as to why, I had Cindy do some research.

We found part of the reason is their general lack of communication skills.  And, of course, many prisons don't offer internet access, so that knocks off a large portion of the Australian population right there.  But what about the rest of the population, those that are out on parole?

If any Australians do visit my blog, here are some other unanswered questions that my more intelligent viewers would like answered:

1. Is it true that mental retardation was originally called the Australian Disease?
2. Is Australia's lower rate of child abuse due to the repulsive quality of the children, or to the fact that the adult male population is mostly behind bars?
3. Do most Australians have good relationships with their parole officers?
4. Since there are 100 million sheep in Australia and only 20 million people, what are animals rights groups doing about the other 80 million lonely sheep?
5. Australia's coastline has more than 10,000 beaches. Some of them are nude beaches. Is this part of an effort to keep non-blind tourists away from the area?
6. Australia has the lowest population density in the world, at only two people per square kilometer. Is that because even Australians can't stand to be around other Australians?
7. Since it became illegal to hunt Aboriginal people, and Australians export all their beef, what do they do for dinner?
8. Why haven't Australian criminals learned to hide evidence in kangaroo pouches?

By the way, out of the top twenty-five deadliest snakes in the world, twenty are found in Australia. Efforts are now being made to relocate the other five.

Winsome Family Thanksgiving Message

Hi, Kiddies. I hope you are all having a wonderful holiday. I wanted to share with you a little of the Winsome Family celebration. Like many families, we gather around the table for a big meal, and each person has a chance to say what he or she is thankful for. Here is what a few members of the Winsome Family had to say this year:

Jane is thankful for an unseasonably cool autumn that's provided her with many chances to wear her newest fur coat.

Edward is thankful for thrift store clown suits, and heavy rains washing away evidence.

Milton is thankful for strawberry ice cream.

Cindy is thankful for those nights when she was allowed to stay up well past her bedtime to help on the Grandmother's Fanny Game blog.

And I am thankful for all these wonderful opportunities to reach out and help so many people. Keep those letters coming, Kiddies!