Dating Tips From The Winsome Women

If you're looking to meet a man, don't wait until eight or nine o'clock to hit the bars. Men with white collar jobs tend to stop off at their favorite taverns right after work. So be there by five, and grab a good seat where you're able to see each man as he arrives. Getting to a man early enough means he still has time to take you out to a nice dinner.

Grandmother Winsome's Legal Advice

Kiddies, if a close relative has received a DNA kit from one of those ancestry-tracing companies, you need to intercept the completed kit before it is dropped in the mail. For if the authorities get a hold of a close relative's DNA, they essentially have your DNA too. The easiest way is to offer to drop it off at the post office for the person. Then, a few weeks later, just create your own report with whatever information will most please your relative.

Grandmother Winsome's Legal Advice

Seek employment at one of those companies that trace people's ancestry. There you'll have access to an abundance of DNA samples, which could prove useful when you need to throw the authorities off your trail.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

When I got to the Birch Street Nursing Home this morning, I expected to find a note from the head nurse about more improvements to the nurses' office. But there wasn't one. So the patients and I settled in for a day of poker. Before the first hand, Mrs. Lieberman removed my hat and said my hair looked fine. It is still not as long as it was before it got all caught in the robot maid's gears, but I guess it looks okay. Even though I didn't have as good a game as I did the last couple of weeks, I still had fun.

Dating Tips From The Winsome Women

If you're at a bar and you notice there are a lot of other women there, a good way to draw interest away from your competition is to loudly say, "Isn't it fun how most of the women here are actually men?" Then, to make sure there is no question about your gender, add, "Good for them!"

Grandmother Winsome's Tips For Better Living

Kiddies, be leery of accepting any gifts from new acqaintances, because listening devices are small enough these days that they can be placed in almost anything. That potted plant could be recording your conversations and transmitting them. So find a polite way of turning down any such gifts. 

Grandmother Winsome's Tips For Better Living

Kiddies, while being pregnant is a perfect excuse to get you out of jury duty, if your name is Roger and you have a beard, all the fake padding in the world won't be enough to convince a judge that you're with child.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

This morning when I arrived at the Birch Street Nursing Home, there was a note from the head nurse saying she was looking forward to more improvements in the nurses' office. She suggested the next thing the patients do is tear up the old carpet just like they did in the activity room. When I mentioned it to the patients, they were surprised they had any more work to do. But Mrs. Lieberman reminded everyone that the tools needed for that job had already been returned to the hardware store, and so the patients could just take it easy. We settled in for a great day of poker. Like last week, I had several good hands and went home with some extra cash in my backpack. Before I left, Mrs. Lieberman took a look at my hair and declared it would be long enough next week that I wouldn't need to wear the hat anymore.

Dating Tips From The Winsome Women

A good way to meet men is to hang around the bars near military bases. If a soldier is due to be deployed to the Middle East soon, it should be fairly easy to convince him to spend his whole paycheck on you. Just remind him that there isn't much over there worth spending money on, and that his accommodations will be provided. If he still hesitates, tell him he'll probably die over there, so he might as well spend what money he has now to enjoy himself and show you a good time.

A Grandmother Winsome Tip For Novelists

If you're having trouble coming up with intriguing characters for your new book, take a job as a social worker. In that line of work, you're bound to meet all sorts of nuts that could provide unusual storylines and anecdotes. A lot of those people are in sad shape, so do your best to keep them alive long enough to finish your book.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

Today when I showed up at the Birch Street Nursing Home wearing a hat, the patients didn't recognize me. And when I took the hat off, showing them I had no hair, it only made matters worse. I ended up spending most of the morning explaining the robot maid to them, and how my hair got caught in her gears when she attempted to give me braids. Mr. Matthews said he did not like my new look, and told me to put the hat back on. I did, and then had one of my best days of poker ever. After the final hand, Mrs. Lieberman told me that once my hair grows back the hat won't be allowed at the poker table anymore.