Edward's Ice Cream Truck Adventures

The special I've been running has been a hit with the kids, and because of the heat wave in most parts of the country, I've decided to extend the special through July. For each ice cream a child purchases, he receives a big squirt of sunblock, which I spread on all his vulnerable areas for him. I've been purchasing sunblock by the gallon, and have already gone through four containers in my efforts to protect the children.

Edward's Ice Cream Truck Adventures

Warm weather is finally here, and my ice cream truck has a full tank of gas. To celebrate, I'm running a special. With each ice cream purchase, a child receives a big squirt of sunblock for free, helping protect him from the sun's harmful rays. And because the child's hands will be full, I will apply the sunblock for him.

Edward's Easter Egg Hunt

I'll be hiding treats and sweets for the children in a few select neighborhoods this week to celebrate Easter. So if you notice someone rustling in the bushes in your back yard, don't alert your mommy or daddy. Just come on out and search for the hidden treats. Once you've found them all, you can take a much-needed break in the back of my ice cream truck, where my massage table is set up and ready. Happy Easter, everyone.

Edward's Valentine's Day Adventures

I've decorated my traveling massage parlor specially for Valentine's Day and am hitting the road tonight. Parts of this country are incredibly cold right now, and I'll be freezing in my Cupid costume, but I can't bear the thought of disappointing any children for the holiday. So when you kids see my truck parked in your neighborhood, come give me a big hug to keep me warm.

Edward's School Service

Now that school is in session everywhere, there are fewer children at the parks I like to frequent. But I've come up with a plan for the school year. I'm going to offer my services as a substitute teacher for home-schoolers. Parents sometimes bite off more than they can chew when they decide to home-school their children, and most could use a break. So I'll be there for those parents who need a day off or even a week's vacation. I also offer short-term services for parents who just need to get out of the house for a few hours. The kids will be in good hands.

Edward's Ice Cream Truck Adventures

In some areas, the children have only one more week before they have to return to school. Well, those kids sure are making the most of these final days of summer, and I'm there to enjoy the action with them. I'm glad the summer doesn't come to such an early end in all school districts. Thanks to ongoing petitioning by some of my associates, the start of the school year is staggered across the country. So I'll be following the summer, and following the children with my ice cream truck. I've assembled a list of all the schools within a five-hundred-mile radius, with the date that each reopens. So there are no worries, even for those returning to school the latest, because I promise to be there with those final tasty treats of summer.

Edward's Ice Cream Truck Adventures

It was a wonderful day at the park. I had so many customers that I ran out of four flavors of ice cream. And then in the afternoon I noticed some young children beginning to gather at the nearby baseball diamond. There didn't seem to be a coach or any other adult supervision, so I happily closed up shop and went over to help the youngsters with their batting stance and their swing. It feels good to give back to those who have given me so much.

A Special Message From Edward

It is a stressful time for many people, and I have decided to do my part to help. My traveling massage parlor is now a safe haven for undocumented children. Don't worry, parents, the authorities will never find your adorable kids.

Edward's Ice Cream Truck Adventures

It's been hotter than normal, so I have been doing my part to help the children stay cool. In addition to providing tasty frozen treats, today at the park I invited some of the children to come into the back of my ice cream truck, take off their shirts and lie on top of the coolers. One of the little kids got so comfortable that he fell asleep. I woke him only when I had to get to the butter pecan.

Edward's Ice Cream Truck Adventures

My special ice cream sundae Bottom's Up has been incredibly successful. All the adorable children are once again crowding around my ice cream truck, and the competition has left the area. But today I used up the last bottle of the berry-flavored medicine I had been using as a topping. During a brief lull in the action, I went to the drug store to purchase more, but the pharmacist there said it had been pulled from the market years ago.

Edward's Ice Cream Truck Adventures

While I was gone, enjoying the cicadas, a new ice cream truck moved in on my territory here near Winsome Headquarters. I discovered this the moment I got back to town, because my first order of business was driving to my favorite playground. There I was dismayed to find another truck with all the adorable children gathered around it. Rather than get upset, I went to another park, but the action there wasn't as good. The next day, the truck was again at my favorite playground. This time I immediately went back to Winsome Headquarters, where I decided to create my own special ice cream sundae to lure the children away from my competitor. I started with vanilla ice cream as its base, and then mixed in all the bits of candy I found in my pants and jacket pockets. But it didn't seem quite enough. There was no chocolate sauce or fudge in the pantry, but I did find some berry-flavored medicine, which I poured over the top. I call it Bottoms Up, and the children love it.

Edward's Ice Cream Truck Adventures

I've had a good time following the cicadas, but now I'm in Missouri, and I've had enough. Even though their noise has more been than effective in drowning out other noises, I'll be glad to not hear them for another seven years. Tomorrow I'll be taking the ice cream truck back to my usual haunts, the parks and playgrounds near Winsome Headquarters.

Edward's Ice Cream Truck Adventures

I took the ice cream truck on the road early this year because I read that the cicadas are out in full force in certain states. Right now I am in South Carolina, and you wouldn't believe the noise these insects make. You couldn't hear even a dozen children screaming over this racket. It was certainly worth the trip. Next stop: Georgia.

Edward's Traveling Haunted House

The children won't soon forget this year's traveling haunted house. The last two weeks I've been on the road, scaring the pants off the kids. And tonight one little boy got so frightened he actually wet himself. For a moment, I got nervous because he was strapped to the electric chair. But he was fine. He received no more of a shock than any of the others. I helped dry him off and then wiped down the chair before letting in the next child. Happy Halloween!

Edward's Traveling Haunted House

I've finished refitting my ice cream truck as a traveling haunted house, and this year I think I've outdone all past efforts. Don't be surprised if you hear the screams of several children coming from the back of my truck.

Edward's Traveling Haunted House

The traveling haunted house is going to be more terrifying this year than any of the previous years. I spent this week gathering the items I needed, including thick rusty chains, a large spool of wire, leather straps, and an old sturdy wooden chair. Now I just need to run out to a fabric store to purchase some heavy black cloth.

Edward's Ice Cream Truck Adventures

The weather is getting cooler, and there wasn't a lot of action in the park today. No matter how many times I played that jingle, I couldn't coax the few kids over to my ice cream truck. So I used the time to begin sketching ideas for my traveling haunted house. I want to go all out this year, and scare the pants off the children faster than ever before.

Edward's Ice Cream Truck Adventures

Most children are back in school, so I am wrapping up my tour of the nation's parks and heading back to Winsome Headquarters. It's been a wonderful summer, and I met a lot of adorable children. In the next couple of weeks, while it's still warm, I will pick a local park to visit each afternoon when school lets out. And I will start making sketches for turning my ice cream truck into a traveling haunted house for Halloween.

 

Edward's Ice Cream Truck Adventures

I'm continuing my tour of the nation's parks. The park I visited today didn't have a whole lot of action at first. I was getting ready to leave when I saw a couple of men setting up a large screen. I asked them what they were doing, and they told me that once a week they show children's movies at this park. So I decided to hang around until dark, and parked my ice cream truck near the restrooms. I'm so glad I did. Soon the park was teeming with adorable children. And no one complained that my flash camera was interfering with the film.

Edward's Ice Cream Truck Adventures

I've been touring the nation's parks and enjoying the sights. But today's park was a disappointment. There was no playground, and it was full of senior citizens seated on benches. Some of the old people started to shuffle over to my ice cream truck to make purchases, but I quickly closed up shop and was back on the road before they could get there.