Dating Tips From The Winsome Women

If the men you date don't accept your word on everything, try going out with men who belong to church groups. Those people are less likely to question anything they're told.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

Today at the Birch Street Nursing Home, it was such a nice day that I decided to take the patients out for a stroll in the yard. They all put on their summer sweaters, and out the door we went. I sat on the porch and watched them walk back and forth on the front lawn. When they were good and tired, I rounded them up and brought them inside. It didn't take as long as usual, and just as I wondered why, I heard a noise across the street. It was Mr. Pearlman hitting his walking cane against the gate of the Birch Street Cemetery. I ran across the street and when I got to him, he seemed out of sorts, asking who put the post there. I guided him back to the Birch Street Nursing Home, and thought that maybe it's time he gets a new seeing eye dog.

Fanny Mail: A Robot Maid Update

Yesterday I received a delightful letter from Dieter Mengele of Buenos Aires, Argentina. Dieter writes: "Dear Grandmother Winsome, I've followed with great interest your experiments over the years, and most recently the updates on your robot maid. I too have been conducting some interesting experiments. And I too have my own robot maid. I wanted to share with you a special program that I created for my maid which allows her to detect one hundred twenty-four different types of poison. You'll find the specifications included. Your devoted fan, Dieter."

Thank you, Sweetie. I got right to installing the program in my robot maid, and then tested a good dozen poisons I had lying around Winsome Headquarters. She was able to detect even the smallest amount of each of them. I am extremely pleased with the results, though I did have to make a couple of minor adjustments to the program to keep her from raising her right arm in salute every time I entered the room and to stop her from yelling at my Jewish neighbors.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

This morning at the Birch Street Nursing Home, I made sure to ask Mr. Richards about the visitor he had last week, the first visitor any of the patients have ever had. Mr. Richards laughed and said he was just an old friend. Mr. Volkov immediately suggested we start the poker game, and two seconds later Mrs. Lieberman was shuffling the cards. I started with a great hand, and the game was so exciting that it pushed the visitor right out of my thoughts until I was walking back to Winsome Headquarters, and by then it was too late to ask any more about him.

Dating Tips From The Winsome Women

If a man gives you a religious symbol as a gift, as long as it's gold or another precious metal, go ahead and accept it. There are places that can melt it down for you.

Grandmother Winsome's Tips For Better Living

If you have a baby on the way and are setting up the nursery, don't feel you have to paint the room baby blue or baby pink. Instead, paint it a color that you love. That way, if the baby does not survive birth, you'll have a freshly painted room to enjoy for yourself.

Spread The Word

Rather than creating tired crop circles in your spare time, impress those flying overhead with an important message in your fields: "Follow Grandmother's Fanny Game." 

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

There was a knock at the door of the Birch Street Nursing Home this afternoon. It was the first time there'd been anyone at the door since Mrs. Lieberman was investigated for stealing that vase from the museum. I wasn't sure what to expect, but I knew I had to answer it. It turned out it was a visitor to see Mr. Richards. What a wonderful surprise! I don't remember any of the patients ever having a visitor before. Everyone crowded around the man, until Mr. Richards excused himself from the activity room and went upstairs to show the man his room. They must have had a lot to catch up on, because the man didn't come back down until just before I left. We weren't sure who the man was, but that was the topic of conversation at the poker table all afternoon. Mrs. Henley said he must be Mr. Richards' grandson, but Mr. Volkov seemed certain that he wasn't. I didn't get a chance to ask Mr. Richards because he didn't come back downstairs. I'll have to ask him next week.

Dating Tips From The Winsome Women

Don't assume that newly sober men will spend what was their drinking money on you. Sober men are less likely to make spontaneous purchases for their dates, and are less fun in general.

Grandmother Winsome's Tips For Better Living

Encourage your child to drop out of high school. That way, you won't have to sit through that tedious graduation ceremony.

A Robot Maid Update

Kiddies, there is not much I miss about the Mexican maid, given that the robot maid has been functioning nearly perfectly lately. The only disadvantage I've come across is that the robot maid is not able to detect if food has gone bad or been poisoned, whereas the reaction to even a small bite taken by the Mexican maid would alert me to any troubles.