Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

Because of the illness and the recent deaths at the Birch Street Nursing Home, I wanted to do something to cheer up the remaining patients for Halloween. So I stopped by the store on my way in and picked up some candy. However, most of the patients were not feeling up to celebrating. When I got to Hazel's room, she was in her usual spot by the window, but there was a terrible smell and Hazel was not looking good. Mrs. Lieberman was the only patient out of bed, so I asked her to check on Hazel. After a few moments, she came back and told me that Hazel was dead, and probably had been for at least a day. I called the head nurse from the office to give her the news. She didn't answer, so I left her a message, and then went back to doing my rounds. Though Mrs. Henley was not feeling good enough to get out of bed, she was feeling good enough to eat some candy. When she saw that my pumpkin pail was still nearly full, she offered to eat whatever candy the other patients didn't want. I left the pail on her bedside table.

Grandmother Winsome's Birthday Message

Kiddies, I just want to thank you for all the birthday wishes. And yes, I am having a great day. I took a nice long walk this morning, disposed of a little evidence along the way, and now I am back at Winsome Headquarters, enjoying a big piece of chocolate cake.

A Halloween Tip From Grandmother Winsome

Because of the ongoing pandemic, do not let trick-or-treaters reach into your bowl of candy this year. Instead, make them stand several feet away from your porch and throw the candy at them from your door.

Grandmother Winsome's Legal Advice: Halloween 2020 Edition

Kiddies, be aware that there will be a full moon this Halloween. Your nighttime activities will run a greater risk of being seen because the sky will be brighter.

An Update From Winsome Headquarters

Kiddies, the coronavirus pandemic continues to be a problem, and there was even an outbreak at Cindy's school that led to its closure. But on the bright side, having Cindy at Winsome Headquarters with me the last few weeks has really been a bit of good fortune. In fact, with her help I was able to finish one of my experiments nearly a week ahead of schedule. Some of the results have been surprising. Who would have thought that squirrels, even those deprived of sleep, could detect the presence of tiny amounts of mercury on acorns and walnuts?

Fanny Mail: A Grave Concern In San Jose

This morning I received an email from Denise Jones-Martinez of San Jose, California. Denise writes: "Dear Grandmother Winsome, recently my wife's favorite aunt died, and we are worried about grave robbers. We've had a couple of family plots disturbed before, and this seems like a year for grave robbing, particularly now as Halloween is approaching. How can we make sure Aunt Guadalupe rests in peace?"

Well, Denise, I recommend purchasing one of those little doorbell cameras and placing it on the headstone. You can monitor any graveyard activity from your smart phone. The better doorbell cameras include speakers so you can scare away any intruders from the comfort of your home, and know that Aunt Guadalupe will have a restful Halloween.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

This morning I was sad to find that most of the patients at the Birch Street Nursing Home were sick in bed. Mrs. Kunkle wasn't feeling good enough to do even a single round of touching all the windows and light switches. When I was distributing the medicine, Mrs. Patterson shouted at me from her bed to close her door. She said that if the door was left open, Mrs. Shimshack could get in more easily and steal her away, like she did with Mr. Oliveras and Mrs. Lowe. I explained to her that Mrs. Shimshack has been dead for seven years, and now so are Mr. Oliveras and Mrs. Lowe. But I still closed the door on my way out of her room. I hope everyone is feeling better by Halloween.

A Halloween Tip From Grandmother Winsome

 

 

Kiddies, because of the pandemic, remember to disinfect the headstones before doing your gravestone rubbings this year.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

I learned there was more sad news at the Birch Street Nursing Home. Mrs. Lieberman told me that Mrs. Lowe died Wednesday evening. The other patients weren't feeling up for poker today, and most of them stayed in bed. When I was doing my rounds distributing the medicine, Mrs. Henley told me Mrs. Lowe died of a broken heart, but now she and Mr. Oliveras are able to dance together again. She then asked me to make her a cup of tea to help soothe her throat. I ended up making several pots of tea, because Mrs. Macmillan and Mr. Pearlman were also coughing a lot. The head nurse left a note for me to call back the local newspaper to change the classified ad to say there are now two vacancies.

A Halloween Tip From Grandmother Winsome

Remember, your coronavirus mask does not constitute a Halloween costume, so don't expect to get any candy if you're not willing to put in more of an effort.

Edward's Traveling Haunted House

I have once again refitted my ice cream truck for Halloween, turning it into a frightening haunted house. I know that parents are concerned about their children's safety this Halloween because of the pandemic, but I want to assure everyone that I will be thoroughly cleaning and disinfecting my traveling haunted house after each child exits. And only one child will be in the vehicle with me at a time. So no one should have any worries.

Grandmother Winsome's Tips For Better Living

Kiddies, these days lots of people are having to move out of their homes because of unemployment, and you may have friends or family who are in the process of moving. But remember, with the coronavirus pandemic showing no signs of slowing down, you have the perfect excuse to avoid helping them with their move.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

There was sad news today at the Birch Street Nursing Home. When I arrived, I found a few of the patients gathered in Mrs. Lowe's room. Mrs. Lowe was sobbing. I asked her what was wrong, but that made her cry harder. Mrs. Lieberman then took me aside and told me that Mr. Oliveras had died on Thursday. I was surprised because last week Mr. Oliveras said he was certain he'd be feeling better for the next poker game. I made a pot of tea for Mrs. Lowe and for the other patients who were feeling down. Because of the sad news, I told the patients I would complete today's list of chores myself. In addition to the usual tasks, the head nurse had included two extras – putting the vacancy sign out front by the road and placing an ad in the local newspaper's classified section.

Cindy's Remote Learning

I wrapped up my first week of homeschooling here at Winsome Headquarters, and I learned a lot. Late this morning, Grandmother had me close my computer and help her in her laboratory. She taught me that mixing certain chemicals works to remove blood stains from burlap.

Another Surprise At School

This morning at school there was an announcement that all students were to gather their books and other belongings to take home. There was a coronavirus outbreak, and several students and a couple of teachers are sick. Looks like I'll be homeschooling at Winsome Headquarters for a while.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

Today when I arrived at the Birch Street Nursing Home, I saw that Mrs. Lieberman had set up only one poker table in the activity room. She told me that Mrs. Lowe, Mr. Oliveras and Mrs. Henley wouldn't be joining us because they were sick in bed. It just wasn't the same without them, and whenever there was a break in the action, I took some tea up to their rooms. Mr. Oliveras said he was certain they'd all be feeling better for next week's game. During one of the hands today, Mrs. Lieberman asked me how my school poker club was going. I was happy to tell her that I got three new members this week. That meant more lunch money in the pot for each game.

Grandmother Winsome's Tips For Better Living

Kiddies, before you rent a cabin deep in the woods, be sure to read the rental agreement carefully. There may be a hefty cleaning fee for scrubbing the blood from the wood floors.

Grandmother Winsome's Legal Advice

Kiddies, it looks suspicious if you don't replant the flowers after you bury the bodies.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

I was excited to get to the Birch Street Nursing Home today and tell Mrs. Lieberman about my school poker club, and that I had won a total of eighteen dollars this week. She was nearly as excited as I was about it, and was happy that I'd followed her advice to play for money. When I asked her why we don't play for money at the Birch Street Nursing Home, Mrs. Lieberman told me that she would love to, but she's looked into it, and none of the other patients have anything to play with.

Cindy's Poker Club

Today I won ten dollars playing poker at school, the same amount I would have made if I'd worked at the Birch Street Nursing Home. Mrs. Lieberman was right. Poker is much more exciting when you play for money.

Cindy's Poker Club

Today at recess I recruited two kids to be the first official members of my school poker club. We only had enough time to play a few hands, and they didn't have any money, but we still had a fun session. Both promised to save their lunch money for the game from now on, and to tell their friends about the club.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

Before we played our first hand of poker this morning at the Birch Street Nursing Home, I told Mrs. Lieberman that I'm planning on starting a poker club at my school. She said it was a great idea, and then told me that playing for money makes poker even more exciting. When I said I didn't think the other kids would have much cash, she told me to have them save their lunch money each day and play with that.

Fanny Mail: A Mother Writes About Edward

Kiddies, I love getting letters and emails from my fans. And today I received a Fanny Mail about Edward. Sally Ramsey writes: "Dear Grandmother Winsome, the other day I had to work later than usual and did not get home before my son was dropped off from school. I was in a state of anxiety the entire drive home because my son is too young to be trusted with his own house key. But fortunately when I got home, Edward's ice cream truck was parked out front. Not only did Edward give my son a free ice cream cone, but he also invited him to play in the back of the truck until I arrived. Now little Ethan wants to be an ice cream truck driver when he grows up. It is comforting to know there are still decent people in the world."

That's wonderful, Sweetie. I will be sure to pass the word on to Edward.

Cindy's New School Project

School is going well, and I love getting the chance to see Sniffles The Seventh during recess every day, but I do miss playing poker and blackjack regularly. One day a week at the Birch Street Nursing Home just isn't enough. So I'm thinking of starting a poker club at school. If I hold the club outside at recess, then I'll still get to see Sniffles.

Grandmother Winsome's Legal Advice

Never be definitive in your responses to the authorities. You don't know what information they already have, and you want to be careful not to implicate yourself. Don't speak in absolutes, but rather use vague phrases such as "If I recall correctly" or "I think it might be" or "It was something like." By wording your responses like that, you can change your story later if necessary simply by stating that you now remember the details a little more clearly.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

Today when I arrived at the Birch Street Nursing Home, the activity room was quiet. None of the patients were there, and the poker tables were not set up. Not knowing what was going on, I went upstairs to investigate. Mrs. Henley was startled when I entered her room, and asked me if it was Saturday. After I assured her it was, she got up to perform her chore of distributing the medicine. When I got to Mrs. Lieberman's room, she said she was glad I was there, and that we could now set up the poker tables. She told me that the nurses made all the patients stay in their own rooms to receive their food and medication, so there hadn't been any poker all week. Mrs. Lieberman and I let the other patients know that the poker club was on for today, and they came out of their rooms, eager to do their chores quickly so that they would have enough time to play many hands. Because of the strangeness of the morning, I completely forgot to tell Mr. Pearlman that I saw Sniffles The Seventh at school.

Grandmother Winsome's Legal Advice

Be careful when disposing of evidence in those wildfires, Kiddies! They tend to move fast, and could change direction suddenly if the wind shifts.

Sniffles At School

Today was my second day back at school. All morning, I was looking forward to recess because that was the one chance I had to see Sniffles The Seventh, since his new owner is in a different classroom. As soon as recess was called, I ran outside and claimed a spot near the basketball hoop, because that is where Sniffles was yesterday. And sure enough, after a few minutes, Sniffles came racing over to me, his new owner doing his best to hold onto his harness. After I pet the dog and told him what a good boy he was, I introduced myself to the blind kid that Sniffles had dragged over. He told me his name was Julian and that he'd had the dog for two months, since his family moved to town. I told him I've known Sniffles for more than a year. Julian seemed confused, and said the guy at the seeing eye dog agency told him the dog's name was Vincent. After a moment, he said he thought Sniffles was a better name, and told me I could pet him whenever I wanted.

A Surprise At School

Today I returned to school for the first time since the beginning of the pandemic, and things sure were different. There were plastic shields around each desk, and we weren't allowed to touch anyone else's books or pencils. But the biggest surprise of the day came during recess. While I was trying to keep my distance from the other kids, a dog suddenly ran from near the basketball hoop and jumped on me. It was Sniffles The Seventh! I hadn't seen him since he ran off during the last fire drill at the Birch Street Nursing Home. Soon a teacher led a blind student over to retrieve the dog. They called Sniffles by a different name, Vincent, but he didn't seem to mind at all. I'm so glad to know he's okay.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

For the past five months, I've worked at the Birch Street Nursing Home Monday through Saturday, and had a wonderful time. However, last night Grandmother called the head nurse and told her it was time I went back to school, since classes started two weeks ago. So today I told the patients that from now on I will be seeing them only on Saturdays again. They seemed a little sad, so I turned the radio up loud in the activity room, and everyone danced to the oldies.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

It was a beautiful day today at the Birch Street Nursing Home, so I took some of the patients on a walk. We went across the street to stroll through the Birch Street Cemetery and say hello to some old friends.

A Tip For Doctors

If you need to inform one of your patients that he is going to lose a limb, comfort him by reminding him that he does not need legs to read the Grandmother’s Fanny Game blog.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

This morning when I arrived at the Birch Street Nursing Home, Mrs. Lowe, Mr. Oliveras and Mrs. Patterson were already seated at my poker table. Before I even sat down, they asked if we could play another session of blackjack, since they'd had so much fun on Saturday. I asked Mrs. Lieberman if that was okay, and she told me to go ahead. We had such a good time that we ended up playing blackjack all day.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

During the morning poker session today at the Birch Street Nursing Home, I asked the players at my table if they were interested in playing a little blackjack. Mrs. Lieberman had been teaching me the game the last few days, and I felt I knew enough to give it a go. They were all keen on the idea, and Mrs. Lieberman gave me the okay to devote the afternoon session to blackjack. The players had such a good time that most were hesitant to even take bathroom breaks. The most exciting moment came when Mrs. Patterson had two kings and told me to hit her. The entire table gasped when I dealt her an ace.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

During the break between the morning and afternoon poker sessions today at the Birch Street Nursing Home, Mrs. Lieberman started to teach me blackjack. It's a fun game, and I love that aces count as either 11 or 1. Mrs. Lieberman says that if there is enough interest from the poker club members, we'll schedule some occasional blackjack sessions.

A Thought From Edward

Nothing pleases me more than a smiling child's face as he gets off the school bus. So let's end remote learning and get those children back in school.

Grandmother Winsome's Legal Advice

Kiddies, most documents require a date next to the signature, so if you are planning a forgery, be sure to practice not only that person's name, but also the way he writes his numbers.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

This morning when I arrived at the Birch Street Nursing Home, a few of the patients were outside, getting some exercise. Mrs. Kunkle greeted me, and told me it was nice to get a little fresh air. She then assured me she would be in her usual seat in time for the first hand of poker. That first hand began a lucky streak for Mrs. Kunkle that lasted her the whole day.

Grandmother Winsome's Legal Advice

Kiddies, a light sprinkle is no reason to abandon your work. Finish burying the evidence and then go in and dry off.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

We finally got everything cleaned up at the Birch Street Nursing Home after Saturday's successful dance. The activity room is now back to being the center for the poker club. After several of the patients said how nice it was hearing music again, I decided to leave the radio there, tuned into the oldies station. And sometimes when a slow song comes on, Mr. Oliveras and Mrs. Lowe will take a break from poker to have a dance.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

Today was the day of the big dance at the Birch Street Nursing Home. While the patients were all upstairs getting ready, I got out the punch and cookies and set them up on the poker tables in the activity room. I had brought an old radio from Winsome Headquarters and tuned it in to the oldies station. Right before the dance began, Mrs. Henley told me she had just finally lost that second pound. Everyone got in a dance, even Hazel. Mr. Matthews and Mr. Oliveras carried her down the stairs and put her in a wheelchair, and we all took turns spinning her around. Mrs. Kunkle really cut loose on the dance floor, and only took breaks to refill Mr. Pearlman's punch glass whenever it was empty. Mr. Oliveras and Mrs. Lowe danced to all the slow songs. Mrs. Lieberman was looking festive. She had decorated her eye patch with glitter. And you couldn't miss Mrs. Macmillan in her bright red lipstick and green eye shadow. But the biggest surprise of the night was Mrs. Patterson, doing the mashed potato.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

The patients have made a lot of progress on the decorations for Saturday's dance at the Birch Street Nursing Home. The activity room was looking even more festive today than it did for the 4th of July celebration. Mrs. Henley told me proudly that she is already halfway to her goal of losing two pounds before the dance.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

This morning when I arrived at the Birch Street Nursing Home, the patients were already gathered in the activity room, discussing themes for Saturday's dance. After a little while, they voted on "An Enchanted Evening," and everyone got busy making decorations. Poker club was canceled today, because both tables were covered with felt, construction paper, magic markers and glue. The upcoming dance was the talk of the day. Mrs. Lowe pulled me aside to share which dress she had picked out to wear. Mrs. Henley said she wants to lose another two pounds before the dance, and Mrs. Macmillan said she was excited for a reason to wear her makeup again.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

Between hands of poker today, Mrs. Lowe said it might be fun to hold a Birch Street Nursing Home dance. Mr. Oliveras quickly agreed that it would be a blast. Within moments, everyone at my table was excited about the idea. Soon the players at Mrs. Lieberman's table joined in, naming songs they'd like to hear again. When I left for the day, the patients were still in the activity room, planning their dance for next Saturday evening.

Grandmother Winsome's Legal Advice

If you don't have enough time to properly dispose of a large amount of evidence, simply leave that evidence in the path of a coming storm. A tornado or hurricane will take care of it for you, mixing it with other bodies and materials, maybe even twisting it beyond recognition. And don't worry, authorities don't have the resources to search through all the debris left by a powerful storm.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

Today at the Birch Street Nursing Home, I took a break from dealing poker, and led the players at my table in a few games of charades. There was one scary moment when everyone thought Mrs. Henley was having a heart attack, but she had simply picked the card that said "putting on a seat belt."

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

Today at the Birch Street Nursing Home, Mrs. Lieberman warned me about Mrs. Henley, who often drops her cards on the floor. Mrs. Lieberman told me that poker dealers have to make sure their players keep their cards in view at all times, either on the table or in their hands above the table. The next time Mrs. Henley dropped her cards, I gave her a friendly warning. She said that sometimes her fingers go numb, but she will do her best to hold onto her cards.

Grandmother Winsome's Legal Advice

Kiddies, everyone is forgetful at times. So if you see a family leaving, it is best to wait ten minutes before entering their home, just in case they return to grab something they've forgotten.

Spread The Word

Help spread the word, Kiddies! If work has been running you ragged and you need a mental health day, set your outgoing message to indicate that you will be away from the office, catching up on Grandmother's Fanny Game blog posts.

Grandmother Winsome's Tips For Better Living

If you are an eyewitness to a crime and have no choice but to take the stand against a potentially dangerous person, be sure to alter your appearance or wear a disguise when you appear in court. If you're a man, take the time leading up to the trial to grow a beard. If you're a woman, dye your hair or wear a wig, and spend some time in the tanning booth. Consider stuffing a pillow under your shirt to make yourself look heavier. Then when you approach the witness stand, be sure to walk with a limp, perhaps even using a cane. And remember, "I don't recall" is a perfectly valid response to any particularly damning questions.