Spring Cleaning

If you have a pet you are not using, please submit a photo of it for consideration in one of my future experiments.

Happy St. Patrick's Day

Just a St. Patrick's Day reminder, Kiddies: Not all midgets have pots of gold.  But the ones that do might not be up front about it, so be sure to shake them for several minutes before moving on.  

Cindy Cheers Up The Elderly (Week 11)

This week to cheer up the elderly, I went to the Birch Street Nursing Home and changed all the patients' clocks for daylight-saving time.  Many of them seemed surprised to learn they'd lost another hour.  But I assured them it was true.

Photos From The Set: Alfred Cobbler

Graph of Experiment 0231-A

Once again here are the results from my Hawaiian experiment, this time in graph form.

This experiment has been so enjoyable.  Now it's time to move on to other work that I have planned.

Cindy Cheers Up The Elderly (Week 10)

This week to cheer up the elderly, I took Mrs. Chang on a nice long nature hike. This also gave her family the time they needed to pack up her belongings.

Results From Experiment 0231-A (The Hawaiian Experiment)

I know a lot of you have been curious about the experiment I conducted in Hawaii.  So I would like to share with you the results.

• Wild rooster (Pistol Jim): 48 min.
• Raccoon: 23 min.
• Cockroach: 22 min.
• Rat: 19 min.
• Coyote: 18.5 min.
• Tarantula: 16 min.
• Cat, black fur: 11 min.
• Cat, black fur, short tail: 11 min.
• Cat, grey fur: 11 min.
• Cat, orange fur: 11 min.
• Cat, orange fur, with limp: 11 min.
• Hawaiian goose: 4 min.
• Gecko: .5 min.

As you can see, the winner of the experiment was Pistol Jim, with the raccoon a distant second. Thanks to all of the participants.

Cindy Cheers Up The Elderly (Week 9)

This week to cheer up the elderly, I helped scrub those hard-to-reach places on Mr. Pearlman's back.

Before Checking Out...

Don't forget to tip the maids.

Sunset In Hawaii

It's been a delightful and productive time here in Hawaii.  And some of the results have been surprising.  Tonight it's time to relax, while the maids are busy inside, cleaning the equipment and removing the stains from my apron.

Experiment Participant

The cats in Hawaii run free. Clearly the people here are ignorant of proper cat storage.

Just for my books, what kind of cat was this?

Poolside Negotiations

It looks like I'm not the only one doing work in Hawaii.  Here a woman with a fashionable sweater is getting assistance from a local girl.

Pistol Jim Revisited

I was so impressed with Pistol Jim's performance yesterday that I went back today to convince him to participate in my experiment.

Enjoying The Hawaiian Culture

I put my money on Pistol Jim.

Location for Experiment 0231-A

Sound really does travel here. But it's difficult to pinpoint its origin, so not to worry.

Grandmother's Special Excursion

Aloha, Kiddies! Greetings from the Koa Kea Hotel & Resort, where I'm enjoying a delicious beverage by the pool. But it's not all fun and games. I'll be doing some important work while I'm here. I didn't want to conduct this experiment too close to home. So I've come to Hawaii.

Cindy Cheers Up The Elderly (Week 8)

This week to cheer up the elderly, I removed all the hair from Mrs. Shimshack's necklace.  

Cindy Cheers Up The Elderly (Week 7)

This week to cheer up the elderly, I stayed up way past midnight talking on the phone with Mr. Matthews so he wouldn't feel lonely on the anniversary of his wife's death.

Dating Tips From The Winsome Women (Valentine's Day Edition Tip #4)

The special day is here.  And if you're still looking for a helpful hint, here is today's tip...

If you've done some investigative work for someone, that doesn't necessarily exclude her from being your number one gal.  Just be sure to take her out some place nice, where she can wear her best pink sweater.

Dating Tips From The Winsome Women (Valentine's Day Edition Tip #3)

Cindy contributed today's helpful tip.

If you like a boy in your class, bring in an extra cupcake to share with him.  

Dating Tips From The Winsome Women (Valentine's Day Edition Tip #2)

Today's contribution comes from Jane.  

A mink jacket means a man is interested, but a full-length coat indicates a serious commitment. 

Dating Tips From The Winsome Women (Valentine's Day Edition Tip #1)

Remind young men that older women know more tricks than young women. And the older the gal, the more tricks she knows. 

Grandmother Winsome's Variety Minute Episode 14: The Man With The Blue Umbrella

I'm so delighted to announce that a new episode of my wonderful program is ready for your viewing pleasure.  Alfred Cobbler makes his return in "The Man With The Blue Umbrella."

Cindy Cheers Up The Elderly (Week 6)

This week to cheer up the elderly, I put on a puppet show at the Birch Street Nursing Home using some of the invalids' socks.

Cindy Cheers Up The Elderly (Week 5)

This week to cheer up the elderly, I smiled throughout Mrs. Shimshack's entire tale of her youth.

Cindy Cheers Up The Elderly (Week 4)

This week to cheer up the elderly...  While Sniffles, Mr. Pearlman's guide dog, was mending at the vet again, I helped out as a substitute, leading Mr. Pearlman around.  With one small adjustment, the harness fit me perfectly.

Cindy Cheers Up The Elderly (Week 3)

This week to cheer up the elderly, I made up a fun dance routine and performed it for them at the park. One old man liked it so much he asked me to do it again, but slower.

Cindy Cheers Up The Elderly (Week 2)

This week to cheer up the elderly, I scraped some gum off the park bench so they'll have a clean place to spend their days.

Cindy Cheers Up The Elderly (Week 1)

I am sticking to my New Year's resolution.  This week to cheer up the elderly, I helped take down Christmas decorations at the Birch Street Nursing Home. 

Coping With A Sick Maid

Don't get upset if your maid is sick.  While I understand the urge to fire her, you could also retain her and have her perform some outdoor chores until the illness passes. That way she won't infect any members of the household.

This list of chores my maid has performed will give you some ideas:

1. Pick weeds around the perimeter of the property.
2. Wash the car.
3. Paint the fence.
4. Clear brush from the yard.
5. Dig a hole for a new garden.
6. Cut firewood.
7. Clear dead branches from the tops of trees and power lines.
8. Remove any animal droppings from the yard.
9. Re-shingle the roof.
10. Clean dead birds from the gutter.
11. Remove the family of raccoons from the tool shed.

Winsome Family Resolutions (Grandmother Winsome)

The night is finally upon us, Kiddies!  Enjoy your New Year's Eve celebrations.  And don't forget those resolutions.  Here is mine.

To not let the evidence pile up.

Winsome Family Resolutions (Jane)

Today I offer Jane's New Year's resolution.

To be less upset when unattractive men compliment me.

Winsome Family Resolutions (Milton)

Today I offer Milton's New Year's resolution:

To come up with a new game you can play with cats.

Winsome Family Resolutions (Edward)

Today I offer Edward's New Year's resolution.

 To run my errands earlier in the day, so I'll be free by 2 p.m. to follow the school bus on its route.

Winsome Family Resolutions (Cindy)

I'm thrilled that so many people enjoyed our Christmas tips.  In fact, my blog reached a record number of views this month.  To lead us into the new year, some of the Winsome Family members will be contributing their New Year's resolutions.  The first comes from Cindy.

To do one thing each week to cheer up the elderly.

Winsome Family Christmas Tips (Tip #25)

Happy Christmas, Kiddies. Here is today's special holiday tip:

The day after Christmas is a good day to throw away any evidence you might have been storing. Since everyone is tossing out great amounts of stuff on that day, your numerous large trash bags won't draw any unwanted attention.

Winsome Family Christmas Tips (Tip #24)

Remember on Christmas to take a moment to think of those less fortunate than you. That's a good way to provide a much needed chuckle during this sometimes stressful holiday.

Winsome Family Christmas Tips (Tip #23)

This Christmas, don't forget your maid. I've already purchased my maid's gift - red and green rubber gloves. Other ideas that will work equally well include red and green paper towels, red and green sponges, and red and green dish rags. Receiving such a thoughtful, personal gift will make her more happy about working through the holiday.

Winsome Family Christmas Tips (Tip #22)

If you're planning on dressing as Santa Claus on Christmas Eve, hire midgets to play your minions. They will surely delight your children. Toss them down the chimney first to help cushion your fall.

Winsome Family Christmas Tips (Tip #21)

Coal is still a good gift for naughty children. But children who are extra naughty deserve something more, like a cute outfit or a new bicycle.

Winsome Family Christmas Tips (Tip #20)

Keep your grandmother warm this holiday with a new mink.

Winsome Family Christmas Tips (Tip #19)

Remember, lots of people get sick at this time of year, so illness is a believable excuse if you wish to avoid seeing certain relatives. Telling them you don't feel up for a visit isn't really a lie, is it?

Winsome Family Christmas Tips (Tip #18)

If your office decides to do a Secret Santa, this provides an opportunity to get rid of some evidence, and to get a second set of prints on it.

Winsome Family Christmas Tips (Tip #17)

If you find yourself in a light-hearted competition with your neighbors over who can more festively decorate their homes to show their holiday spirit, dress a homeless person as Santa Claus and have him stand in your yard saying "Ho ho ho" to any passersby. An alternative is to dress him as a snowman. You can cover him with snow, but remind him he's not to eat the carrot you use as a nose.

Winsome Family Christmas Tips (Tip #16)

If your child has gone missing or is recently deceased and you haven't reported it, simply have your maid sign the child's name on your Christmas cards. Her squiggly handwriting and poor grasp on spelling will easily duplicate a young child's attempt at a signature.

Winsome Family Christmas Tips (Tip #15)

If you dress as Santa Claus, children will sit on your lap and tell you all their desires. When they're done, feel free to tell them a few of your own.

Winsome Family Christmas Tips (Tip #14)

Don't get a terminally ill person a long book as a Christmas gift.

Winsome Family Christmas Tips (Tip #13)

Use the socks of loved ones who have died in the past year as Christmas stockings.  This will keep them present for one final holiday.  Don't bother using baby's socks, however, as not much will fit in them.

Winsome Family Christmas Tips (Tip #12)

Young children love looking at Christmas lights, so be sure to hang some around your bedroom window.

Winsome Family Christmas Tips (Tip #11)

Staying after school to help decorate the classroom for the holiday has its rewards. I got to be the first one under the mistletoe with my teacher.

Winsome Family Christmas Tips (Tip #10)

Remember to buy your grandmother something expensive this year.

Winsome Family Christmas Tips (Tip #9)

Ladies, don’t wait until the week before Christmas to meet someone. Because then he is under no obligation to buy you a gift. It’s best to find that special someone by the 15th. That gives you enough time for three dates before the holiday, and at that point he’ll certainly want to buy you something nice. Also, in this early getting-to-know-you stage, you can concentrate on your most desired gift. He won’t know all of your interests yet, so be sure to focus those early conversations on the beauty of a full-length ranch mink.