Grandmother Winsome's Halloween Tips (Tip #14)

Halloween Tip #14: Assure any parents who show up at your door that you have not put razors or poison in the candy.

Grandmother Winsome's Halloween Tips (Tip #13)

Halloween is the most wonderful time of the year. And it's my birthday. (For anyone who might be wondering, I would love a new mink coat.) To help you make the most of this delightful day, I am presenting daily Halloween tips.

Halloween Tip #13: If you decide to turn in early, hire a homeless person to give out the rest of the candy. Tell him he can keep one piece of candy for himself at the end of the night. And remember to lock your door; you don't want him inside your home.

Grandmother Winsome's Halloween Tips (Tip #12)

Halloween will be here soon, and the Winsome Family is getting into the spirit of things. Here is a Halloween tip contributed by Edward.

Halloween Tip #12: If you have the equipment, project a scary film on your garage door. To make it even more interesting, edit in some of that footage of the neighbors you've been secretly shooting. People love to see themselves on screen. It makes the Halloween experience more personal.

Grandmother Winsome's Halloween Tips (Tip #11)

Halloween is the most wonderful time of the year.  To help you make the most of the holiday, I am presenting daily tips.

Halloween Tip #11: Telling the children you expect something in return for the candy teaches them the important lesson that nothing is really free.

Grandmother Winsome's Halloween Tips (Tip #10)

Halloween is my favorite day. Like most people, I truly enjoy scaring little children. And this is the one day where that doesn't result in problems with the authorities. To help you celebrate the best day of the year, I'm offering daily holiday tips.

Halloween Tip #10: Instead of using a recording of scary sounds, lock some people in the basement. Their screams for help will be much more frightening for the children.

Grandmother Winsome's Halloween Tips (Tip #9)

Halloween is my favorite day of the year. I'm sure it's yours as well. To help you make the most of this splendid day, I'm offering a series of Halloween tips.

Halloween Tip #9: If you've had a recent death in the family, don't bury the corpse until after Halloween. Allow the family member to celebrate one more holiday with you, by propping the body up somewhere in the yard to scare the children. It will also give you one more wonderful anecdote to tell at the funeral.

Grandmother Winsome's Halloween Tips (Tip #8)

Hi, Kiddies. I am so excited because Halloween will be here soon. It is such a wonderful time, and I am here to help you make the most of it by offering daily holiday tips.

Halloween Tip #8: Tell all of the children who come to your door, regardless of their physical appeal, that they look great.

Grandmother Winsome's Halloween Tips (Tip #7)

Other members of the family are getting into the spirit of the holiday.  Here's a tip contributed by Edward.

Halloween Tip #7: Rather than candy, encourage your neighbors to give out warm cider.  Full bladders and a well-placed camera in your bathroom will allow you to revisit Halloween any night of the year.

Grandmother Winsome's Halloween Tips (Tip #6)

Halloween is the best time of the year (and not only because it happens to be my birthday). This is a time for delightful mischief, a time for eating a lot of food that isn't nutritious, and a time for knocking on strangers' doors and making ridiculous demands. To help you all make the most of this holiday, I'm offering a series of Halloween tips.

Halloween Tip #6: Mix things up this Halloween by using animal skeletons. Cats and dogs are good choices, and are easy to come by.

Grandmother Winsome's Halloween Tips (Tip #5)

Hi, Kiddies. I'm excited because Halloween will be here soon. (For those who don't already know, that is also my birthday, and I am in need of a new mink.) To help you make the most of the holiday, I'm offering daily tips.

Halloween Tip #5: Whenever there is a group of children at your door, give the one with the best costume more candy than the others.

Grandmother Winsome's Halloween Tips (Tip #4)

Halloween is the best day of the year. I'm here to help you make the most of your holiday.

Halloween Tip #4: Halloween is a day when you can wear a mask in public without drawing unwanted attention.

Grandmother Winsome's Halloween Tips (Tip #3)

Halloween will be here soon, and I'm here to help, with daily tips on how to make the most of your holiday.

Halloween Tip #3: Turn your tool shed into a haunted house for the children. Hire vagrants to pose as ghosts and demons. You can pay them with cheap wine.

Grandmother Winsome's Halloween Tips (Tip #2)

We're more than halfway through the month now, and it will be Halloween before you know it. To help everyone, I'm offering tips on making the holiday as enjoyable as possible.

Halloween Tip #2: In addition to candy, give each of your trick-or-treaters a big hug and a kiss.

Grandmother Winsome's Halloween Tips (Tip #1)

Halloween is the best holiday of the year, and not just because of the fact that it's my birthday.  It's a time for folks to be delightfully mischievous, and without having to be sly or secretive about it as is customary the rest of the year.

This year I have decided to offer a series of tips to help you enjoy the holiday even more.

Halloween Tip #1: Remember, real human skeletons are much scarier than those plastic fakes.

This Week's Important Question

Grandmother Winsome's Tips For Better Living: October 1, 2012

If you discover your child likes to harm animals, remind him of the neighbor's dog that barks late at night.

Grandmother Winsome's Tips For Better Living: September 29, 2012

When sending your maid out to do the grocery shopping, give her an extra dollar and let her pick out something for herself. Just don't let this become a regular thing. You don't want her expecting it.

Grandmother Winsome's Variety Minute Episode 13: Fanny Mail #4 And A Treat

Hi kiddies! I'm delighted to share with you the newest episode of my wonderful program. I think it's my best episode yet.

Grandmother Winsome's Variety Minute Episode 12: Guest Anne Pastor

Hi kiddies!

Welcome to the second season of my wonderful program. I'm so delighted to present this new episode. Enjoy!

For Those With A Disease

No one wants a terminal illness. But often people get them anyway. If you should acquire one, one way to turn it into a more positive experience is to make a list of all the terrible, perhaps criminal, things you've always wanted to do but didn't because of the consequences. Now you can go ahead and do them. Perhaps limit yourself to one a week. That all depends, of course, on how much time you have left, and how long your list is.

For those who do not have a terminal illness, write your list anyway, and then tuck it away in a safe, special place. It will be ready when you need it later. And perhaps there are some things on that list you might want to do when you get a cold. No one enjoys getting a cold, and accomplishing one of these tasks might be just the thing to cheer you up. Just don't go doing everything on your list, because then when you get a disease you'll be disappointed.

Fanny Mail: A Question Regarding Parenting And Pets

Hi, Kiddies. Today I received a letter from Mrs. Hammond of Houston, Texas.

She writes, "What's the best way to break it to my son that his dog has died? I like to avoid emotional scenes, so I was thinking rather than tell him directly, I'd leave the dog's corpse in his room with a note nailed to it saying, 'I am dead.' That worked when his grandmother died. But he really loved this dog, and I'm not sure this course of action is appropriate this time. I would appreciate any advice you might have."

Mrs. Hammond, I understand your wanting to avoid emotional moments. Sometimes a crying child can be quite off-putting. It all depends on your mood, of course. Is your child in school? If so, you could call the principal's office in the morning, and ask him to inform your son of his dog's demise. If school hasn't started yet, or if you have decided to keep your child from being educated, another option is to send your son to a camp and then notify him by mail. Or send him to stay with relatives and let them notify your son about his dog. But your idea of leaving the dog in his room is a good one, for then he learns about death seemingly on his own. He will come to tell you about the dog, and you can reward him for being so grown-up about it. You might even give him the very adult responsibility of burying the animal. That way you can continue with your crochet or bridge game.

Exercise Caution Around Children

As most people are by now aware, children carry diseases. So whenever handling a child - and you should never feel forced to handle one - always wear surgical gloves. And if a child coughs or sneezes near you, immediately visit your physician. It's a good idea to bring along a blood sample from the child so the doctor knows what he's up against.

Tonight's Thought

There is an adorable family of raccoons in my back yard. That reminds me - I need a new coat this year. 

A Fun Activity

It's fun to collect hairs found between the pages of various library books. Who did they belong to? Are those people still alive? In my collection, they are. Plus, it's always nice to have a variety of DNA samples to leave in those special places. 

Parenting: Noisy Children

Since children are gullible and quick to believe in fanciful characters like the Tooth Fairy, Easter Bunny and recovered alcoholics, why not tell them that there is a hungry beast called The Great Maw that at night eats children who are noisy during the day. Then enjoy the peace and quiet resulting from their new fear.

Season Two Promo

Hi kiddies!

I'm hard at work on the second season of my wonderful program, "Grandmother Winsome's Variety Minute." Please watch this special message.

Photo From The Set, July 14, 2012

Season Two Coming Soon

Hi, Kiddies! I am pleased to announce that yesterday I began shooting the second season of my wonderful program, "Grandmother Winsome's Variety Minute."  Everything went well, and I will continue shooting next weekend.  In the meantime, please continue sending me your questions. And I will answer as many as I can.

A Busy Time

No time to answer questions today. I'm supervising my maid's cleaning of the parlor.  I am delighted to begin shooting season two of my wonderful program this weekend, and am so pleased to have a special guest coming for the first episode. That means a lot of hard of work from my maid, and so a lot of overseeing on my part.

Before Going Out...

Be sure to carry a mask in your purse whenever you go out on the town.  Should the need arise to use a public restroom, you can easily slip it on to avoid the risk of being identified on those hidden cameras. 

Potty Training

Laura Bostwick writes, "Dear Grandmother Winsome, I had my first child and am trying to potty train him. Whenever he poops in his crib, I rub his nose in it, then smack him with a rolled up newspaper. So far this has had no effect.  Am I not hitting him hard enough? Should I use the Sunday edition?  Please help."

Laura, I completely understand your inclination to train your child as you would a puppy. The problem is that puppies are far smarter than most children, and pick up things more quickly. Babies need to hear the same things over and over before they finally respond appropriately.   It's very frustrating having to repeat yourself.  That is why it's best to hire someone else to train your baby.  Bring in the professionals.  That way you can make better use of your time. Go to the beach, or see a film.  And if you're unable to afford the professionals, then hire someone who is desperate for any work at any rate.  Homeless people and folks who have just been released from prison are always safe bets in that regard.

Thursday's Thought

Do I need to wash clothing before donating it to Good Will?  I'm just afraid the blood will somehow mess up the washing machine.  There is so much of it.

Dorothy Baker of Des Moines, Iowa writes, “Dear Grandmother Winsome, now that I’m postmenopausal, what should I do with the extra money that I set aside each month for abortions?” 

Dorothy, while it is highly unlikely that you will become pregnant, there is still that slight chance.  I applaud the idea of celebrating your likely inability to conceive, but I must warn you against going out and blowing your entire abortion fund.  Do something special for yourself, but keep a little money in that account, just in case.

My First Greeting Card

This is the first Grandmother's Fanny Game greeting card.  I still have some available.  They're only three dollars each, and of course include an envelope.  If you know anyone who loves cats the way I do, he or she would certainly be tickled pink to receive this card in the mail.

Important Car Seat Question

Today I received an interesting letter from Tanya Tailor of Minneapolis.

She writes, "Dear Grandmother Winsome, do I have to keep my midget in a car seat?  He's thirty-five, but still very tiny.  He insists he no longer needs to ride in his special seat, but I don't want to get into any legal trouble.  I can't afford it, especially after my other convictions."

Well, Tanya, it's better to be safe.  After all, you don't want to be hassled by the fuzz.  And you can tell your midget it's for his own safety, that you care for him.  If he still fusses, tell him that if he's a good boy you'll allow him to decorate his special seat.  Perhaps he'd like to put a sticker of his favorite rock and roll band on the side.  Or maybe tie ribbons to it.  Let him personalize it; then he'll be more excited to ride in it like a good little guy.

Today's Thought

Is there anything funnier than a blind man with bushy eyebrows?

Holiday weekends are the busiest times for emergency rooms, in part because the more experienced, qualified doctors take time off while the rest of the staff have a go at it. I recommend you do all the reckless things on your list tonight. With a little bit of planning, you’ll be discharged in time to accomplish everything else on your list. You may even have extra time to do things not on your list, like seeing your family.

Grandmother Winsome's Tips For Adopting A Child

1. Make sure the child doesn't need any special medication or food. That could become costly and burdensome. 
2. Younger children are more malleable, so avoid ones that have been in circulation too long. Those are also more likely to have picked up some bad habits. 
3. Ask to see the child naked first. The adoption agency might be trying to hide a deformity or birth mark with clothing. 
4. Firm thighs are a sign of a healthy child, so give them a good squeeze. Think of children the way you think of fruit. Watch for bruising. 
5. If possible, take a look at the child's actual parents. If they're ugly, there's a good chance that before long the child will turn ugly too. 
6. If the child is already able to talk, ask it what its expectations are. Then see if those are in line with your plans. 
7. Ask the adoption agency for a demonstration of the child's pain threshold. 
8. If you adopt a child from another country, there will be less of a paper trail, but make sure that shipping is included in the cost. That's where they try to get you. 
9. Shop around. Even if you really like the first child you see, hold off purchase until you've gone to at least one or two competing agencies. 
10. Save your receipt. If something goes wrong with the child in the first ninety days, you should be able to return it for a full refund.

 These tips will help make your adoption experience more pleasant.

Message From The Creators: Nora! Nora! Nora!

What To Call Your Puppy

Donna Kelley from Montreal writes, “Dear Grandmother Winsome, will giving my puppy a cute name help her get adopted when I decide that I’m ready for a new puppy?”

Donna, it probably wouldn’t hurt.  But the truth is it really doesn’t matter what you call the dog.  Pick a word or phrase that you like.  When you are ready to drop the dog off at the shelter, you can tell them any old name.  They’ll be none the wiser.  If by some chance the dog does get adopted, the new owners will probably give it another name anyway, one that suits their inclinations.  In the more likely scenario that the dog will get gassed, it may give the shelter worker a laugh if you say the dog is named Charcoal or Anne Frank.

A Tooth Fairy's Query

Hi, kiddies.  I've been receiving a lot of letters lately from parents with various important concerns.  Today I'd like to share one of those letters with you.

Tammy Montgomery writes, "Dear Grandmother Winsome, my child lost his first tooth yesterday.  He put it under his pillow, so of course I took it and left him a quarter.  But now I'm wondering, what do I do with this tooth?  It seems wrong somehow to just throw it away.  After all, it's a piece of my child.  I wouldn't throw away his leg or hand or eyes if they should fall off.  So I was thinking I might wait until the rest of his teeth have fallen out and make a necklace out of them.  But I was wondering if you or any of your viewers might have other ideas.  I would be grateful for any suggestions."

Tammy, first of all, I think the necklace idea is wonderful.  And possibly profitable.  If you have a few other children, you might consider a jewelry line.  You could sell them from home.  On the other hand, let me stress that you shouldn't feel obligated to save any part of your child.  It's enough that you feed and clothe him.  Tossing away his teeth doesn't mean you care for him any less.  You don't want to become one of those mothers who saves her child's drawings and school papers and Mother's Day cards.  Never become too attached.

I do, however, encourage my loyal viewers to write in with any suggestions they might have for Tammy.  I know some of you have had children, and possibly a few of them lived long enough for their teeth to fall out.  What did you do with those teeth?

Message From the Creators: Tell Nora I Love Her

I rarely get asked sports-related questions, so I was tickled pink to receive this letter from Chuck of West Virginia.

Chuck writes, "Dear Grandmother Winsome, rumor has it that you've made a fortune over the years betting on basketball games.  If this is true, what is the secret to your success?"

Well, Chuck, the first thing I do is see which team has more white players.  Then I bet on the other team. Remember to not allow your personal feelings to get in the way when betting.

A Loyal Viewer's Request

Hello, kiddies. Today I received a letter from a thoughtful woman, who has asked me to post her dilemma here on my blog. I am guessing that there are many of you who will also benefit, so I am happy to oblige.

She writes, "Dear Grandmother Winsome, people often ask me which of my children I prefer. I always say the thin pretty one. But the truth is neither of my children is pretty. Obviously the large one isn't. But the thin one is sort of awkward and has acne. I hate being asked this question, because it reminds me of how unfortunate I am. I'd rather go through the day without thinking about my children. I'd be grateful if you'd please pass this on to your loyal viewers and readers. And perhaps if the word is spread, people will cease to ask this disturbing question. Also, if you have any advice as to how I should answer if someone does ask me this question again, I would certainly appreciate your wisdom. Thank you so much, Grandmother Winsome."

I agree that people should not ask about other people's children. No one wants to be reminded of her burdens throughout the day. And to answer your question, sometimes the truth is your best ally. The next time you're asked this awful question, look the person straight in the eye and say, "I don't care for either of my children." I bet that person will avoid asking you about them in the future, and may in fact stop asking you questions altogether. I'm so glad that I've been able to help.

Grandmother Winsome's Tip For The Weekend

When tossing a bag of evidence into the dumpster, make sure the bag is left untied. That way, there's a better chance the contents will mix in with other people's evidence.

Today's Important Question Regarding Food

An Important Question Regarding Adoption

Grandmother Winsome's Variety Minute Episode 11: Fanny Mail #3

Hi kiddies!

The final episode of my first season is ready for viewing. This has been so enjoyable. Thank you for your support and inspiration. Keep the letters coming and I'll get to them in season two!

Grandmother Winsome's Variety Minute Episode 10: Lost and Found

Hi kiddies!

I'm so happy to share with you my wonderful new episode. I think you'll all learn something from this one.

Today's Important Question

Grandmother Winsome's Variety Minute Episode 9: This Is A Song, Part 2

Hi kiddies!

My first episode of 2012 is now online for your viewing pleasure. Since Episode 8 ended with a cliffhanger, I know you've all been eagerly anticipating this new episode. So here it is. Enjoy!

A Teacher Needs Your Help

Hello, kiddies. I received a letter from a teacher seeking advice. Her name is Margot Black, and she finds herself in a particular bind. It is my hope that you will be able to help her.

Margot Black writes, "Dear Grandmother Winsome, I teach third grade. And for an exercise I had all of my students write out their wills. Some of the parents complained, but I maintain the true cause of their displeasure was that their children didn't leave them their possessions. Yet, I've been suspended from my job. After only one kid committed suicide. How do I get my job back? And how do I collect my winnings from that dead child's will? Sincerely, Margot Black."

My legal knowledge is limited. Thus, I am turning to you, my loyal viewers and readers, for assistance. Please leave your advice and comments below, and I will see to it that Margot gets them. She will certainly appreciate it. And there are probably many other teachers out there who are finding themselves in the same situation, so you'll be doing them a service as well.

Grandmother Winsome's Variety Minute Episode 8: This Is A Song

Hi kiddies! I'm pleased to announce the last episode of 2011. It's something a little different that I'm sure you'll enjoy.

Grandmother Winsome's Holiday Card

I hope you all had a wonderful holiday. I just wanted to let you know that Episode 8 of my wonderful program will be posted here soon.

Grandmother Winsome Solves Your Holiday Troubles

I'm so pleased that folks are enjoying the special holiday episode of my wonderful program. I've been getting messages from so many nice people complimenting me on it, and on my generosity. I've also received letters from people seeking advice with regards to the holidays. So I thought I'd address a few of those concerns here. Because chances are several of you have similar questions.

Miss Marie Kingston asks, "Is it all right to ignore my ugly students when they stand under the mistletoe?"

Well, first, it's so nice to hear from a teacher, especially one who cares about making the right impression. After all, many ugly people in the world have the notion that they're just as worthy of attention as the beautiful people. But you and I know this is just not so. And it's best for children to come to terms with this at a young age. So, yes, Marie, it's quite all right to ignore the ugly students. Plus, they're more likely to carry diseases, and you don't want to risk getting sick.

Now, Edward writes, "What color Christmas lights will attract the most children to my house?"

Edward, children like lots of bright colors. So I would think plenty of greens and yellows and pinks would do the trick. Stay away from the plain white lights. And don't choose strings that are of all the same color. Children like a variety.

Sherry Boylan asks, "Should we bother wrapping our retarded child's Christmas presents?"

That's a good question. One might think that in these tough economic times, it might be best to save a bit of money by not buying wrapping paper. But that's not the case. You'll save much more money by not buying the presents themselves. Just wrap up an empty box, or an old sock. Retarded children get all caught up in the excitement of unwrapping things. It really doesn't matter what those things are. And wrapping paper is so much cheaper than the actual gifts.

I'm so glad I can be of help to you all during these festive days.

Grandmother Winsome's Variety Minute Episode 7: A Holiday Message

Hi kiddies! I am very pleased to announce that the special holiday episode of my wonderful program is now available. I certainly hope this will inspire you to spread joy this holiday season.

Grandmother Winsome's Variety Minute Episode 6: Mexican Maid

Hi kiddies, I'm just delighted to announce that the newest episode of my wonderful program is available for your viewing pleasure. For those of you dealing with the troubles I've had, this episode should be of great assistance.

New Episodes Coming Soon

Hello, kiddies. I wanted to let you all know that Episode 6 of my wonderful program, Grandmother Winsome's Variety Minute, will be ready soon. And next weekend we will be shooting a very special holiday episode.

In the meantime, please take a look at our first five episodes...

Episode 1: Dating Service
Episode 2: Cat Storage
Episode 3: A Special Message
Episode 4: Fanny Mail #1
Episode 5: Fanny Mail #2

Grandmother Winsome's Tip Of The Day

Here is another tip to help save you money in this harsh economy. Rather than hire a babysitter, simply sedate your children before you go out. That way you won't have to worry about them damaging anything while you're gone.

Grandmother Winsome's Variety Minute Episode 2: Cat Storage

Hi, Kiddies! I'm thrilled to announce that the second episode of Grandmother Winsome's Variety Minute is available for your viewing pleasure.

Episode 2 Will Be Posted Soon

I'm so pleased with the footage for Episode 2 of "Grandmother Winsome's Variety Minute."  And I can't wait to share it with you.  In the meantime, please check out my other four episodes:

Episode 1: Dating Service
Episode 3: A Special Message
Episode 4: Fanny Mail #1
Episode 5: Fanny Mail #2

Grandmother Winsome's Tip For The Weekend

Searching for missing children in the woods is a good way to get some exercise while also helping keep the forest clean.

Grandmother Winsome's Variety Minute Episode 3: A Special Message

Hi, kiddies. I am so excited to share with you the newest episode of my wonderful program, "Grandmother Winsome's Variety Minute." This is a special and important episode, so please tell your friends about it.

Grandmother Winsome's Tip For Wednesday

Homeless people make cheap babysitters.  Just don't let them in your house, because they might be tempted to steal some of your valuables.  Instead, take your children out to them.

Grandmother Winsome's Tip For Tuesday

Having a few drinks before bed makes it easier to fall asleep.

Grandmother Winsome's Update For Saturday

A lot of folks are struggling financially these days.  But guess what costs only three dollars?  That's right, my wonderful Grandmother's Fanny Game greeting cards.  I'm hard at work on the next batch of four cards, but in the meantime the first four are still available.  Keep in touch with friends and family by sending Grandmother's Fanny Game greeting cards.

And because times are tough, here is another tip for saving money:

Make your own pillows with feathers you find on the ground.

Grandmother Winsome's Update For Friday

Hi, kiddies.  I wanted to let you know that I've looked at the footage that we shot for Episode 3 of my wonderful program, "Grandmother Winsome's Variety Minute," and it's quite good.  I am pleased to announce that Episode 3 will be finished soon and posted here on my blog.

Some of you might be thinking to yourselves, "Now wait a minute - I'm fairly certain that I've already watched three episodes."  Well, indeed you have.  You've watched Episodes 1, 4 and 5.  Things sometimes get a bit out of order around here, but that will soon be corrected, as we're going to finish shooting Episode 2 very soon.  And then we'll proceed in order from there, I can assure you.

In the meantime, here is a tip to help you save money in these troubled economic times:

Rather than buy your child a musical instrument, teach him how to whistle.

Grandmother Winsome's Tip For Better Living For Wednesday

Keep a certain area of the house off-limits to children.  That way you'll always have a place to go to relax, a place that will be quiet and clean.  It's a good idea to include your bedroom in this off-limits section, so children won't wake you in the middle of the night or early in the morning.  You might also consider including the dining room, in case you decide to invite friends to dinner.

Saturday's Tip For Better Living

Making your child donate some of his toys to the needy each month is a sure-fire way to make your child hate poor people.

Friday's Tip For Better Living

Give your old socks to the maid.  Her many children can use them as puppets.  Or they can use them as rags to help their mother with the cleaning since they're not in school.

Thursday's Tip For Better Living

To help stop the annoying accumulation of junk mail, send back any cards or envelopes that say, "No postage necessary if mailed in the United States."  The companies that sent them in the first place are forced to pay for the postage.  You can write little messages on the cards such as "Please stop sending these to everyone."  If we all do our part, we can put an end to the junk mail menace.

Wednesday's Tip For Better Living

Leaving your infant alone for several hours each day helps him build a healthy sense of independence.  You don't want him to learn to rely on you for everything.

Today's Tip For Better Living

And now it's time for one of Grandmother Winsome's tips for better living.

Putting "Lost Cat" fliers on the trees outside your house can get you sympathy from neighbors, and later they'll be less likely to call the authorities on you for your various indiscretions.

Grandmother Winsome's Variety Minute Episode 5: Fanny Mail #2

Hi, kiddies. I am pleased to share with you the newest episode of my wonderful program.