Potty Training

Laura Bostwick writes, "Dear Grandmother Winsome, I had my first child and am trying to potty train him. Whenever he poops in his crib, I rub his nose in it, then smack him with a rolled up newspaper. So far this has had no effect.  Am I not hitting him hard enough? Should I use the Sunday edition?  Please help."

Laura, I completely understand your inclination to train your child as you would a puppy. The problem is that puppies are far smarter than most children, and pick up things more quickly. Babies need to hear the same things over and over before they finally respond appropriately.   It's very frustrating having to repeat yourself.  That is why it's best to hire someone else to train your baby.  Bring in the professionals.  That way you can make better use of your time. Go to the beach, or see a film.  And if you're unable to afford the professionals, then hire someone who is desperate for any work at any rate.  Homeless people and folks who have just been released from prison are always safe bets in that regard.