Fanny Mail: A Question From Oregon

Hi, Kiddies. I just received an email from Tom Gaston of Hillsboro, Oregon. Tom writes: "Dear Grandmother Winsome, my great aunt hasn't been feeling good lately. I think it's time to say goodbye and pull the plug. Unfortunately, she's not even on life support yet. How do I hasten the process and put an end to her suffering?"

Well, Tom, it's best to say goodbye in steps. First, remove all the medicines from your great aunt's home. If any of her prescriptions are to treat pain, she will soon be just as eager as you to end things. Next, cancel her phone and internet service and all her magazine subscriptions, thus releasing her from her connections to the world outside. Then let her know how weak and frail she looks, and that she no longer has to hold on for your sake.

Spread The Word

Help spread the word, Kiddies. If you work as a psychic, tell your customers that their deceased loved ones are urging them to follow the Grandmother's Fanny Game blog.

Grandmother Winsome's Legal Advice

It turns out you can't claim your stillborn babies as dependents on your tax forms, even if you keep them in jars.

Grandmother Winsome: Classifieds

Kiddies, recently I received a response to my online ad offering legal advice. This person, who did not leave his or her name and clearly was in such a rush that he or she did not have time to proofread, writes: "I am looking for an expert witness testimony on reviewing CHP MVARS. I am in fighting in court."

Well, Sweetie, I would love to help, but it's just not a good idea for me to appear in any court at this time.

Edward's Ice Cream Truck Adventures

It's baseball season again, which means it's also ice cream season. Wherever kids are playing, I will be there. I'm toying with the idea of sponsoring a team this year. That way, my presence at all their practices won't be questioned. I've been scouting the neighborhoods already, keeping an eye out for good-looking young players.

Grandmother Winsome's Tips For Better Living

If you don't have money to take your children out to the movie theatre, just put on a DVD and tell them to sit really close to the television.

Grandmother Winsome's Tips For Better Living

Be sure to use vagrants to assist you with any experiments involving hazardous materials.

Fanny Mail: A Spring Cleaning Surprise

Don't skimp on the spring cleaning, Kiddies! You never know what you might find. Take Linda Sutcliffe, for example. I just received an email from her, which reads: "Dear Grandmother Winsome, my husband and I began doing a thorough cleaning of our house, and in the process, found the child we thought had been missing since Christmas. My husband came to the conclusion that little Susie had been looking for hidden presents. Unfortunately, it was such a tight, hard-to-get-to spot that we never thought to hide gifts there. But we'll remember it, in case we ever decide to have more children."

Winsome Family History: April 10, 1975

Kiddies, it was forty-one years ago today that the Winsome Family Concrete Company got its first official contract, and its fourth actual job.

Grandmother Winsome's Tips For Better Living

Take frequent trips abroad. That way, if you suddenly have to leave the country, it won't seem as suspicious.