Winsome Family History: November 14, 1965

It was fifty-seven years ago today that Dr. Bob in his lab at Winsome Headquarters created an early version of erasable ink, which came in handy when revising legal contracts after they'd been signed.

Winsome Family History: September 1, 1981

It was forty years ago today that we opened the Winsome Family Cleaners. No longer would we be questioned about the giant vats of bleach we purchased each week.

Winsome Family History: March 23, 1970

It was fifty years ago today that Barbara and Carol Winsome began their flower business, Petals & Pedicels, which soon found them selling arrangements to decorate the graves of some of the very people they'd disposed of in their other business, Knives & Knuckles. It was a busy time for those enterprising gals.

Winsome Family History: October 16, 1966

It was on this day fifty-three years ago that I took advantage of the new National Historic Preservation Act to keep the government from digging up the land where Winsome Family Headquarters was located. In those early days, we often buried evidence right at the site of our headquarters. Thankfully, we still had those old dinosaur bones that Hotfoot McGraw had stolen from a museum years earlier. They finally paid off when we declared that they had all been found at the Winsome Family Headquarters site. Those bones not only explained to the authorities why the land around the building had clearly been dug up, but also were enough for it to be declared an important archeological landmark. By the time the authorities got wise, all the evidence had been moved to another location, as had Winsome Family Headquarters.

Winsome Family History: April 18, 1959

It was sixty years ago today that the Winsome Family Carnival challenged the local law enforcement to a friendly game of softball. Those coppers defeated us handily, but the two hours of game time allowed for the relocation of some crucial evidence by some of the more athletic Winsome Family members.  

Winsome Family History: December 27, 1958

It was on this day sixty years ago that Lord Larry used his professional wrestling skills to subdue a foreign agent, earning him immediate praise and a pardon from the governor a few years later.

Winsome Family History: November 12, 2013

It was five years ago today that I noticed that Cindy had gone missing. Fanny Game fans throughout the world soon pitched in to help safely bring her back to Winsome Headquarters. Perhaps one day Cindy will be able to recover those memories and tell us where she was for those two weeks.

Winsome Family History: August 28, 1973

It was forty-five years ago today that a routine trip to the dump to get rid of evidence resulted in the discovery of a box of government documents that should have been shredded. We made good use of the information contained in them for the next decade. 

Winsome Family History: May 10, 1968

It was fifty years ago that we finally had to put Madame Saber down. A lot of evidence passed through that tiger's system during her many years with the Winsome Family Carnival, and even beyond. But she just couldn't digest that last piece of evidence.

Winsome Family History: March 26, 1968

It was exactly fifty years ago that Jacqueline Winsome created a fake Winsome Headquarters to draw attention from the real operation we were running at home. Those trucks carrying large quantities of sugar only operated for four nights, but Jacqueline was so good at drawing attention that it was during this short time that she was able to attract the man who would become her husband, turning the fake headquarters into a real home.

Winsome Family History: March 21, 1963

Kiddies, it was fifty-five years ago that Harry "Pigeon" McCoy finished his short stint as a guard at Alcatraz, where he eliminated a potential threat to the Winsome Family. While there, he also learned security measures that would prove instrumental the following year when we designed the first Winsome Family Headquarters.

Winsome Family History: December 3, 1979

It was thirty-eight years ago that Brock Winsome created his own Witness Protection Program to compete against the monopoly held by the U.S. government. This short-lived business venture resulted in the disappearances of several key witnesses.

Winsome Family History: May 1, 2016

It was one year ago today that we learned Milton is allergic to strawberry ice cream.

Winsome Family History: Summer, 1944

Kiddies, it was seventy-two years ago, in the summer of 1944, that more than a dozen traveling carnivals got together to hold the Carny Games. The Olympics had been canceled, due to some troubles overseas, and so it was decided this would be a good way to fill a void and cash in on an unmet demand. Also, hundreds of athletes were looking for something to do, and so many of them participated, which helped draw even larger crowds. The first weekend did such great business that we took the games on the road, performing in front of thousands of people all over the country. The carnival that I was part of fared really well, winning many events, including juggling, knife-throwing and cat-hurling. I remember that the Barker Sisters alone brought home three gold medals, and our conjoined twins won the three-legged race by more than six seconds. By the end of the summer, two of the athletes had decided to become permanent members of our carnival. We replaced our aging Strong Man with an Olympic weight lifter, and we added a young gymnast to be a second contortionist, thus giving us an unusual double-contortionist act.

Winsome Family History: July 13, 1956

It was on this date in 1956 that I agreed to be the beard for a famous movie star. In return, he agreed to fund the very first Winsome Family Laboratory. The cost included a hundred dollars in cats, which in those days was quite a lot.

Winsome Family History: April 10, 1975

Kiddies, it was forty-one years ago today that the Winsome Family Concrete Company got its first official contract, and its fourth actual job.

Winsome Family History: November 20, 1963

It was fifty-two years ago today that Jack became Jacqueline, the first Winsome Family member to undergo sexual reassignment surgery, thereby successfully eluding the FBI while simultaneously becoming the tallest female Winsome Family member (a record that holds to this day).

Winsome Family History: August 26, 1985

Kiddies, it's time to look back at another important moment in Winsome Family history. It was thirty years ago that I drew up my first plans for a time-travel machine, as several associates were looking for ways of escaping those awful Reagan years. Although it would be nearly three decades before I perfected the machine, the efforts then helped get our minds off of the times. Coincidentally, this morning Buddy, the Time-Traveling Cat suddenly returned. At least, I think it's Buddy. Though all of my test subjects are properly labeled when they're in storage, when they're out, it's difficult to tell them apart. From now on I will brand them.

Winsome Family History: December 29, 1964

It was fifty years ago today that the first Winsome Family Headquarters was established. At that time, we were promised to soon be living in plastic laminated homes in electric cities, enjoying our 8-tracks. Oh, how the times have changed. We didn't have as much room then, so the experiments had to be kept rather small in scope. Plus, we had to deal with that pesky Declaration of Helsinki. Still, those were good times.

Winsome Family History: August 2, 1954

It was sixty years ago today that George "The Killer" Steele first masterfully eluded the authorities, beginning a game that kept them occupied for decades.