Jane Helps At-Risk Women

I decided I would improve the lives of at-risk women this year. Last night I spotted two of the girls who had taken my December course entering a women's self-defense class. I quickly pulled them away from there, explaining to them that that is no way to meet a man. I reminded them of a few key points from my dating class, and we then spent the rest of the night bar-hopping. It is so rewarding to follow through on my New Year's resolution.

Jane's Social Work: Week 3 Course Outline

 
Week 3: Looking To The Future

Topics to be covered include:

• Moving in with a man in order to stay off the streets
• Keeping your options open by terminating unwanted pregnancies 
• Getting money by befriending rich, elderly people
• Maintaining a youthful outlook through plastic surgery
• Installing a cold storage vault in your home to protect your furs 
• Avoiding future troubles by choosing a fresh start at a new location where no one knows you

This week's course will be held at Last Call on Saturday, December 23, 2017, from 8 p.m. to closing. This is the final week of my course, and I hope to see all you at-risk women there.

Jane's Social Work: Bonus Class – The Benefits Of Dating The Blind

My course for at-risk women is going strong, and last night I held an impromptu supplemental class on dating, specifically on the benefits of dating a blind guy. This class took place at Corner Bowl, my favorite bowling alley. I don't recall all the advice I gave, but here are some key points to keep in mind.

• When ordering at a restaurant, instead of saying the name of the most expensive item on the menu, just point to it and tell your server, "I'll have this tonight." And then – no matter what it is you've actually ordered – you can say to your date at some point, "Wow, they make a really good salad here." And while ordinarily you don't want to eat more than the man, with a blind guy, it doesn't matter how much you eat. Go ahead and finish your plate, and he'll be none the wiser.
• To show him you're popular, create an exciting life for yourself, complete with photographic evidence. Simply say stuff like, "This is me with my three best friends visiting Paris." Be sure to research a few things about Paris in the off chance that he managed to get there himself.
• Deliberately step in front of your date, so that when he hits you with his cane you can yelp out in pain. That will cause him to want to make up for his clumsy action by purchasing a nice gift for you.
• With a blind guy, you don't have to worry about makeup. But if you're going out, keep in mind that there might be some attractive sighted men dining at that very restaurant, so it's best to still put in the effort. And if there is someone who catches your eye, you can always excuse yourself to go to the bathroom and instead go flirt with him.

A warning: Blind men can be crafty, so don't claim to be several inches taller than you are. And if you do flirt with another man while on a date, be sure to whisper, because blind guys sometimes have excellent hearing.

Remember, the next official class in my course will take place this Saturday at a bar to be determined. I hope to see all you at-risk women there.

Jane's Social Work: Week 2 Course Outline

Week 2: Jane's Guide To Dating In The Modern Age

Topics to be covered include:

• Ways to attract a man's attention
• Overlooking a rich man's bad qualities
• Having fun with a poor man on weekdays
• Ways that alcohol improves a date  
• Getting the best gifts from your dates
• Reasons to stay in an abusive relationship 
• Demanding more from unattractive men
• Turning a one-night stand into a longer relationship

This week's course will be held at Kelly's Bar on Saturday, December 16, 2017, from 8 p.m. to closing. I'm expecting an even greater turnout than last week, which is why we're moving to the larger venue. I hope to see all you at-risk women there.

Jane's Social Work: Week 1 Course Outline

Week 1: Building Confidence By Using Makeup And Clothing To Enhance Your Best Features And Hide The Rest

Topics to be covered include:

• Using ample makeup to appear younger 
• Choosing the right attention-grabbing shade of red for your lips
• How to hide a bruise with makeup
• Negotiating with manicurists
• Why tweezers are your friends 
• Stylish sunglasses cover up the effects of a rough night 
• The perils of open-toe shoes 
• Loose-fitting sweaters help hide extra pounds and are in style right now
• Fur coats show that you have class, and will also keep you warm when you have to walk home alone late at night

This week's course will be held at Mack's Bar & Grill, Saturday, December 9, 2017, from 8 p.m. to closing. I hope to see all you at-risk women there.

Jane's Social Work: Holiday Edition

For the holiday season, I've decided to do my part for the community and go back to my social work. The women's center was not as welcoming as I would have expected, so I will be running my own group, holding meetings at various bars in the area every Saturday night from now until Christmas. Of all the girls I used to help at the women's center, only two still attend, so I know my methods are successful. I caught those final two women before they went inside the center last night, and told them about my plan. Though wary at first, the two women soon took to my ideas and by their third drink promised me they would not only attend my meetings and avoid the women's center, but would recruit other women in need to join us. The topics to be covered at each meeting will be posted here on Grandmother's Fanny Game, so stay tuned!

Jane's Social Work

Spring is in the air. So today I helped the girls at the women's center create online personal ads to find them some men for this weekend. I was surprised to learn that none of the girls had any appropriate photos of themselves, so I had them pose provocatively and snapped some shots with my phone. I was running out of time, so for the last couple of girls we just used their driver's license photos.

Jane's Social Work: Valentine's Day Edition

I went to the women's center and grabbed a few of the girls to go out to celebrate. After all, who needs men? Drinking with the girls was a perfect way to celebrate this holiday. It's a shame they had to get back so early, but I can continue to celebrate on my own here at Winsome Headquarters. I found a large cache of special alcohol in the basement. Happy Valentine's Day!

Jane's Social Work

Over the holidays, one of the girls at the women's center had some troubles. I was ready to defend her until I saw the mug shot of the man in question. Then I had to remind her that it is not sexual harassment if the man is attractive. It is flattery.

Jane's Social Work

I kept hearing that times were changing, and now I believe it. On Saturday I had a date, and the man actually expected me to pay for my own meal. I was astonished and disgusted. And then embarrassed, as of course I hadn't brought my wallet. So today I called an emergency session at the women's center to discuss this problem. Oddly, the girls there were unfazed by my story. They seemed to not have a problem with paying on a date, saying it made them feel more independent. So clearly they're more troubled than I had thought. As I've said before, these girls can really use my help. So I held an impromptu seminar on proper dating etiquette, and stressed how important it is to discover ahead of time whether the man intends to pay or not. I told them to ask the man if the restaurant accepts credit cards, or if they need to swing by the ATM before the date. If the man is worth pursuing, he will say right then that he's paying. If he says anything else, then it's time to back out of the date. It feels good to turn what was a tragedy for me into a lesson for others.

Jane's Social Work: Halloween Celebration

The Halloween party at the women's center was a total success. The girls outdid themselves, exceeding even my expectations in the amount of alcohol they contributed. The center hadn't budgeted for a band, so Edward made me a copy of his new Halloween mix tape, which everyone seemed to enjoy. And the girls sure were surprised when the men started showing up. I'd assumed they'd each invite a date, but early in the evening I saw that this wasn't the case. So I sneaked out for a moment to some of the neighborhood bars, and told the men there that we were having a party with plenty of free alcohol. That's when things really got swinging. The party was so successful that the head of the center told me the girls would no longer need my help. But I assured her there was still plenty I would do to improve the girls' lives.

Jane's Social Work: Halloween Celebration

Halloween is on a Saturday this year, and I was planning on taking the girls back to the bowling alley for the Halloween costume contest, but the head of the women's center asked me not to, saying the temptation for mischief would be too great for them. So I suggested bringing the party to the women's center, turning it into a haunted house to keep with the holiday theme. She said it was a brilliant idea, and put me in charge of organizing the festivities. After purchasing cobwebs and renting a fog machine, I realized the head of the women's center had neglected to budget for alcohol. So I asked each of the girls to provide some drinks. Knowing them, we'll have a fully stocked bar.

Jane's Social Work

Yesterday I showed up at the women's center, ready to take the girls out for another fun night on the town. But when I got there, the head of the center told me she'd already made reservations for us at the local bowling alley. She must have made a hasty choice because the place lacked a bar. So I drove the girls across town to a bowling alley where there is a fun atmosphere, because I know these young women like to drink. We had such a good time, and I didn't think of Glenn even once the entire evening.

Jane's Social Work

It turns out that not everyone who is deaf is an aspiring comedian. Just because they insist on speaking with a funny voice doesn't mean they are intending to be humorous, as someone at the women's center was quick to point out to me today.

Jane's Social Work

As a special treat, I took some of the women from my group out to get their nails done. They had a lovely time. As we were leaving the salon, one of them said they all needed to get going to their self-defense class. But I convinced them that a class like that could ruin all the beautiful work that was done, and instead we all went out for a mid-afternoon martini.

Jane's Social Work

Sometimes a good night can lead to jail time, but that doesn't mean your group leader is responsible for your bail.

Jane's Social Work

I took some of the girls from the women's center out to one of my favorite bars over the weekend. We had such a good time, and apparently two of them continued the festivities right through today, missing their afternoon meeting. The center called me to ask if I'd seen them, and I assured them they must have gone home with the young men who had been chatting them up. It feels good to have such a positive effect on these troubled women.

Jane's Social Work

Volunteering at the women's center has made me feel even better about myself. These young, troubled women really look up to me. I have a lot of ideas on how to improve their lives.