Kiddies, I just received an email from Charlie Ford of Overland Park, Kansas. Charlie writes: "Dear Grandmother Winsome, because of the restrictions in place due to the coronavirus outbreak, I am stuck at home with my wife and children. I have learned a lot about them in the last couple of weeks, none of it good. It turns out they have several annoying habits. While I don't wish to expose them to the coronavirus, especially because that could expose me as well, I do want to get them out of the house for a while. What can I do to make that happen?"
Well, Charlie, the most surefire way to get them away from you right now is to act like you yourself have the virus. The next time you go to the grocery store to stock up on supplies, go alone. Then, as you're putting the food away in the kitchen, throw a coughing fit. Tell your wife you must have just gotten the virus at the store and will be contagious for up to two weeks, so she and your kids should go to her mother's house for the duration. And if you want a little more time after that, tell your wife that once you're better you will be busy disinfecting the entire house, which could buy you up to another week.
And, Kiddies, keep those emails coming! In these times, emails are preferable. The letters I've received through the post are stored in a plastic bag out back, and as soon as I'm sure the germs have died off, I will bring them in to read.
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