Dating Tips From The Winsome Women

Meeting a man can be difficult. One place you might try is a hiking trail. Get there early and choose a spot halfway along the trail. When an attractive man approaches, get to know him by suggesting the two of you hike together. If he seems hesitant, tell him you saw several deadly snakes on the trail, and it will be safer for both of you if you continue together.

Grandmother Winsome's Tips For Better Living

Just a reminder, Kiddies: If you're going to pretend to be blind, wear dark sunglasses.

Grandmother Winsome Returns To Hawaii

Kiddies, I'll be heading back to Winsome Headquarters in the morning. This trip to Hawaii has been both eventful and delightful, and I'm spending this final day relaxing at the hotel. I love that this hotel caters to my specific needs. The management has even installed a special device for destroying evidence. I've been spending this whole afternoon burning shredded documents and enjoying the view. You can't beat the peace and quiet here.

Grandmother Winsome Returns To Hawaii

Yesterday, after I left the children and was on my way to the second tunnel, I came upon this waterfall, just off the main part of the river, and more memories came flooding back to me. All those decades ago, we had cleaned some of our tools and clothing here, and now it seems to have become a favorite local spot for washing off evidence.

Grandmother Winsome Returns To Hawaii

After watching the children remove the barrels from the first tunnel, I recalled that there had been so much evidence that we had been forced to use a second tunnel. So I left the children to their dumping, and went in search of this second spot. This one wasn't at all difficult to find, and nothing of what we had stored there remained. It seems that many others over the years have chosen this spot. In fact, so many vehicles have traveled this path that it now appears to be a dirt road.

Grandmother Winsome Returns To Hawaii

Yesterday, after re-discovering the sugar plantation where we once conducted some serious business, I became curious whether I could retrace the steps that the evidence took all those decades ago. Today I had the opportunity to do just that. Enough time has passed since those days that I reasoned the dangers of my returning there were nil. It took quite a while, and I had to double back at least twice, but eventually I was able to find this tunnel. We once stored a lot of evidence inside. I was surprised to see that a few of the barrels were still there, as it had been my understanding that this tunnel was intended to only temporarily house the barrels. I hired some local children to dump the remaining contents into a nearby river, thereby finally putting to rest this bit of business.

Edward's "For Your Information"

Putting up signs on your shack that say "Danger" and "Do Not Enter" and "Children Not Allowed" is certain to attract a number of children.

Grandmother Winsome Returns To Hawaii

Kiddies, I am enjoying Hawaii. Today I came upon a spot that sparked some memories from my youth. The head of the carnival took several of us on our first trip to Hawaii during the off season, back when I was in my late teens. We had some business to attend to at this sugar plantation. It was still in use then, so we had to be quite careful and not make too much noise while we went about our business. One night we moved dozens of barrels of evidence without being detected. I don't recall there being a fence back then.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

It was a quiet day at the Birch Street Nursing Home. The head nurse had left no special chores on the list for me to do, and most of the patients seemed to be exhausted still from the holiday. So I spent much of the time in the basement, pondering what my next experiment might be.

Grandmother Winsome Returns To Hawaii

Kiddies, as you'll likely remember, back in early 2013 I conducted an important experiment here in Hawaii. During that time, I met some colleagues who presented an interesting opportunity to start a small business. I accepted the offer, stipulating that they take care of the day-to-day operations and report all progress to me back at Winsome Headquarters. In the last couple of years, the operation has grown enough that now it has become necessary to purchase the company's first truck. Of course we had to repaint the cab. Isn't she a beauty?

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home: Thanksgiving Edition

Each year at Thanksgiving we at Winsome Headquarters state what we are thankful for as part of our holiday celebration. But this year since Grandmother is in Hawaii and I am working today, I've decided to ask some of the patients here at the Birch Street Nursing Home what they are thankful for.

Here is what they told me:

Mrs. Geffner is thankful for a warm blanket.

Mrs. Diaz is thankful for each new day.

Mr. Pearlman is thankful for his new seeing eye dog, Sniffles The Fourth, who just got back from seeing the vet.

Ms. Jenkins is thankful for her memories of previous holidays.

Mrs. Henley is thankful for second helpings of medicine.

Mr. Matthews is thankful for back-to-school catalogues.

Mrs. Patterson is thankful that Mrs. Shimshack is dead.

Hazel was unresponsive, but I believe she is thankful for her window.

And I am thankful for my very own laboratory, where I hope to conduct many important experiments.

Dating Tips From The Winsome Women

It can be difficult meeting a good man. One place most women overlook in their search is a marathon. Dress up like a runner, splash a little water on your face and place yourself at the finish line of the race. Male runners will be impressed that you finished ahead of them. If they ask why you're not wearing a number, tell them you ran so fast that it blew off.

Grandmother Winsome Returns To Hawaii

Aloha, Kiddies! I am relaxing with another drink in my usual hotel room, but I do have one unexpected task to perform later tonight. When I first arrived and stepped out onto the balcony, I noticed that whoever had the room before me wasn't as diligent about cleaning up his or her evidence. Well, that person is not to worry, for I plan on taking that cushion out and burning it tonight.

Grandmother Winsome Returns To Hawaii

Kiddies, I've arrived at my hotel in Hawaii. When I was checking in, I saw that these flowers had been planted all along the outside. What a delightful welcome!

Grandmother Winsome Returns To Hawaii

Kiddies, I'm heading to Hawaii tomorrow to take care of some business. But don't worry, I'll continue to post Grandmother's Fanny Game updates from the field.

Grandmother Winsome's Legal Advice

Remember, the day after Thanksgiving is a day one would expect to find a lot of flesh and small bones in the trash.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

Today at the Birch Street Nursing Home, there was a note attached to my list of chores. The head nurse asked if I could work on Thanksgiving because she and the other nurses want to spend the holiday with their families. I left her a note saying I'd do it for time and a half pay. I'll put that extra five dollars toward more laboratory supplies.

Grandmother Winsome's Tips For Better Living

Kiddies, while I understand the urge to constantly check the Grandmother's Fanny Game blog for updates, if you fly a plane that fights forest fires, be sure to release the water before logging onto the site.

Dating Tips From The Winsome Women

Meeting a good man can be difficult. One place you might try is a yoga class. Any man you find there is likely to be fit, and you'll be able to see his physique before you even approach him. Set up your mat in the back of the room so you can evaluate all the men during the class. What I've learned is that often the first yoga class is free. So if there are four different yoga studios in your area, that means four opportunities to meet a man.

A Special Alert From Grandmother Winsome

Kiddies, after learning of the arrest of one of my fans, I thought it important to post this special alert. If you're planning to reduce your family by one member during a trip, don't try to save money by booking him a one-way ticket. Once his absence is noticed and he is reported missing, the fact that you didn't book him a return flight could cast suspicions your way.

Dating Tips From The Winsome Women

A large fire will draw not only the local firefighters, but firemen from the surrounding districts, men you probably haven't seen before. So pick a nice spot close to the fire where they are all certain to see you, and chances are good you'll have a date before the fire is even put out.

Grandmother Winsome's Legal Advice

If the air quality in your neighborhood is bad due to a nearby forest fire, wearing a respirator mask will not raise any suspicion. The mask will hide much of your face, so you can go about your business without fear of being recognized.

Winsome Family History: November 12, 2013

It was five years ago today that I noticed that Cindy had gone missing. Fanny Game fans throughout the world soon pitched in to help safely bring her back to Winsome Headquarters. Perhaps one day Cindy will be able to recover those memories and tell us where she was for those two weeks.

Spread The Word

Help spread the word, Kiddies! If you are hanging a banner from a freeway bridge welcoming home a soldier, hang a second banner telling him to follow Grandmother's Fanny Game.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

Today at the Birch Street Nursing Home, I conducted a new experiment on the patients. Their breath was never good, but lately it's gotten much worse. Sometimes it is so bad that I have to hold my nose while they complain. This is especially true with Mrs. Patterson when she shouts about her missing possessions. Most people brush their teeth to keep their breath from smelling, but I know the patients there don't like to use toothpaste or mouthwash, for I've never seen any in the bathrooms. So I got to the Birch Street Nursing Home early today, and created a special potion in my basement laboratory to give them with their morning medicine. I used supplies that I brought from home, mixing together toothpaste, mint leaves, cinnamon, baking soda, flowers, and crushed peppermint candies in a large bowl of mouthwash. This is what I gave them to wash down their medicine. By mealtime, I noticed an improvement. Another successful experiment!

Fanny Mail: Election Results

Kiddies, I was tickled pink to receive this email from Lydia Gomez of San Francisco, California. Lydia writes: "Dear Grandmother Winsome, I work for the elections department here in San Francisco. It's been a busy week, counting mail-in ballots and so on, and I just wanted to let you know that, although you weren't running for any office, three voters in the area wrote in your name for justice for the Court of Appeals Division 1. If you want to send them thank-you notes, their names are Nadine Jordan, Kim Tang and Oliver Tannenbaum. I can send you their addresses if you'd like."

Thank you, Lydia! And thank you, Nadine, Kim and Oliver, for your support.

Grandmother Winsome's Legal Advice

If you plan on ditching a car in a pond, first be aware of how rainy it has been in the area. While it might seem safe now, water levels change with the seasons. You'll want to be sure that if the water level drops later, the car will still be hidden from view.

Fanny Mail: Important Car Rental Information

Kiddies, I just received a delightful email from Ann Becker. Ann writes: "Dear Grandmother Winsome, I wanted to thank you for some wonderful advice you once gave me, for it came into play again. My husband and I began our special trip Tuesday morning. As we were picking up the rental car from the airport, I was reminded of your advice. You said, 'Never accept a free upgrade to an SUV, because it's too easy for people to see into the back.' And on this trip I most certainly did not want anyone seeing what I was transporting, so I demanded a car with a trunk. Well, traveling alone always makes me nervous, even now when I am the happiest I've been in years, so I just took two sedatives before my return flight, and wanted to make sure to send this message before I fall asleep."

Thanks, Ann! I am delighted that my advice could come in handy a second time.

Spread The Word

If you run a hotel, make the Wi-Fi password "Followgrandmothersfannygame." That way, every time a guest requests the password, you're spreading the word. Also, set the Grandmother's Fanny Game blog as the homepage for all hotel computers.

Dating Tips From The Winsome Women

It can be difficult meeting a worthwhile man. One place women might not think to look is a hotel. If your local hotel has a conference room, business men will gather there to discuss their company's new projects. Many of these men are single and eager to meet interesting women. Hang around the hotel lobby or bar until you find a man that suits you. And if the hotel also has a restaurant, it will be that much easier for the man to buy you a nice meal.

Spread The Word

Help spread the word, Kiddies! If you are having a serious operation, rather than asking your friends for thoughts and prayers, ask them all to follow the Grandmother's Fanny Game blog.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

Yesterday at the Birch Street Nursing Home, I spent the day trying to calm Mrs. Patterson down. She was demanding to see Mrs. Wintergreen, which was the character I created for Halloween. She kept shouting that Mrs. Wintergreen and Mrs. Shimshack were in league against her, trying to steal her few remaining possessions. I had to give Mrs. Patterson a second and then third and then fourth helping of medicine before she finally went to sleep.

Grandmother Winsome's Tips For Better Living

When meeting your significant other's friends, be cordial and pleasant enough that they won't criticize you to your partner behind your back, but not so friendly that they'll want to invite you to group functions or couples nights.

A Parenting Tip From Grandmother Winsome

If you want your child to do better at sports, tell him you've got a lot of money riding on his games, and that if his team doesn't win, there will be no Christmas presents this year.

A Message From Cindy

Today I brought the ten dollars I earned last night to school, and used it to buy Halloween candy from the vending machine in the teachers' lounge.

Fanny Mail: A Message From Bakersfield

Kiddies, I just received an email from Lawrence Boyd of Bakersfield, California. Lawrence writes: "Dear Grandmother Winsome, after twenty long years, my name has finally been removed from the sex offenders list. To celebrate, I am throwing a little party for all the special people in the neighborhood. Tomorrow I am going to purchase supplies for the party, and I was wondering, do young children still like licorice?"

Congratulations, Sweetie! And yes, I do believe children still enjoy licorice. Look for post-Halloween candy sales and stock up.