Kiddies, today I received an email from Nicole Devlin of Wakefield, Massachusetts. Nicole writes: "Dear Grandmother Winsome, our daughter Elisa is possessed by a demon. We decided to have an exorcism performed, but the local priest in charge of such ceremonies wanted too much money. So my husband has been reading up on how to do it himself. He thought it best to do a practice run on our neighbor's cat, who's also been acting a little funny lately. But something went wrong, and the cat exploded into hundreds of pieces. We'd prefer to not have our daughter suffer the same fate. Any tips?"
Well, Nicole, some things are best left to the professionals. However, if your local priest won't lower his fee, you can go to the next best thing – those who are soon to become professionals. Consider going to a seminary, where the priests are trained. Just the same way you can get a cheaper massage at a massage school and a cheaper haircut at a beauty school, you will likely find someone there who will perform the exorcism at a greatly reduced rate. Perhaps you might even find one who will do it for free, in exchange for extra credit in his class. If you're lucky, the teacher might tag along to critique his student's work and can lend a hand if things get particularly messy.
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