Kiddies, today I received a delightful email from Xander Nash of Chicago, Illinois. Xander writes: "Dear Grandmother Winsome, last week I adopted a Great Dane with the expectation that he would be able to eat a large amount of bones in a short amount of time. The dog is good about not barking, but he just isn’t getting the job done quickly enough. He's barely finished one bone, and at the rate he’s going, at one bone a week, it would take him just over eight years to finish the pile I've amassed here in my studio apartment. There's a new girl in the neighborhood that I have my eye on, and I really want to clear out the bones before bringing her up to see my place. I’m in a bind. What should I do?"
Well, Xander, your troubles are over if you have an associate who works on a pig farm. I learned from a reliable source that pigs are well-equipped to digest all sorts of things, including bones. And what's more, they don't excrete much evidence of what they eat. Just starve the pigs for a couple of days, and then they'll devour those bones in no time. Good luck with your new conquest, Sweetie!
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