Jane's Volunteer Work

I am continuing my volunteer work over at the rehab clinic. Now that things are going so well with Mr. Walton, I try to put in an appearance once a day. Of course, I still have my first drink of the day with Jefferson, who provides me with the latest news on the goings-on at the clinic, and on anything Mr. Walton might have said since my last visit. According to Jefferson this morning, Mr. Walton has been talking about his plans for traveling to Europe in the fall, but hasn't yet mentioned anything about taking me with him. Nevertheless, I am sure he's going to ask me soon, especially because today he expressed surprise when I told him I had never been to Paris.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

With the ongoing coronavirus pandemic, my school remains closed and the Birch Street Nursing Home nurses continue to work from home. So I am making some extra money again this week. And there was more good news today. Almost all the patients were feeling healthy enough to do their chores. Only Mr. Matthews remained in bed, and kept demanding that I bring him more tea. 

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

More good news at the Birch Street Nursing Home! Several of the patients there were feeling good enough today to take care of the list of chores. Their health had improved so much that I needed to make only three pots of tea. So I was able to spend some time down in my basement laboratory, drawing up plans for my next experiment.

Grandmother Winsome's Legal Advice

If the coronavirus pandemic works in your favor by getting you an early release from prison, the first thing you should do with your freedom is read my past Legal Advice posts to learn how to avoid future troubles.

Jane's Volunteer Work

The new big purse that Jefferson gave me last week is coming in quite handy at the rehab clinic where I'm volunteering. Today I was able to fit in a third bottle of champagne for Mr. Walton, who was quite pleased. As we drank, he kept dropping hints of his plans to travel to Europe in the fall, though hasn't quite gotten around to inviting me yet. I know it's just a matter of time.

Grandmother Winsome's Legal Advice

Think of the shelter-in-place order as practice for whenever you might need to go into hiding.

Fanny Mail: A Coronavirus Question From New Jersey

Kiddies, I just received an email from Darcy Miller of Patterson, New Jersey. Darcy writes: "Dear Grandmother Winsome, last night I was relaxing with a glass of wine and a good book when a terrible thought suddenly occurred to me. At some point, this coronavirus pandemic will come to an end, and so too will social distancing, and my family will expect me to resume my weekend visits. Not even a second bottle of wine was able to raise my spirits after that thought began haunting me. And today it was the first thing on my mind when I woke up. Do you have any advice on how to shake this sense of dread?"

Well, Darcy, from what I've read, it is likely that social distancing will have to continue for at least another year, maybe much longer. Until a vaccine is administered to every single person on the planet, there is a danger of a coronavirus resurgence. Let your family know that you are not willing to risk their lives just for the joy of spending a few hours with them. By the time things return to normal, it is possible they will have become accustomed to no longer being visited. They will have their own new routine that doesn't involve you. Let that set your mind at ease, and you can go back to enjoying your time.

Grandmother Winsome's Legal Advice

Kiddies, if you're relying on homeless people to remove the evidence for you, sometimes they might require a gentle push.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

Because of the coronavirus pandemic, my school is still closed, and the Birch Street Nursing Home nurses are continuing to work from home, so I am making some extra money at the nursing home again this week. While most of the patients are still sick in bed, Mrs. Kunkle has made a full recovery, and today Mrs. Henley managed to get out of bed long enough to distribute the medicine to the other patients. She said she was happy to be able to resume doing her chore, then went back to bed.

Grandmother Winsome's Legal Advice

Kiddies, while it may seem like a great idea to hide evidence, including a car or a body, in ponds that are covered with lily pads, keep in mind that by late summer those thick and ample leaves will begin to decay, leaving your evidence visible to any passersby.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

There was some good news at the Birch Street Nursing Home today. Mrs. Kunkle was finally feeling better. But all the other patients were still sick in bed, so she and I split my list of chores between us. Things were going well until I heard a ruckus in Mrs. Henley's room. When I got there, Mrs. Kunkle was leaning over Mrs. Henley's bed, trying to pull the tray of medicine out of her hands. Mrs. Henley was in a state, upset because Mrs. Kunkle was distributing the medicine to the patients, the chore she usually handles. It took me several minutes and a couple extra blue pills to calm her down and convince her that Mrs. Kunkle is only temporarily filling in for her until she is back on her feet.

Dating Tips From The Winsome Women

Before accepting a date, make the man completely remove his medical mask.

Jane's Volunteer Work

Today while I was volunteering at the rehab clinic, Jefferson surprised me with a gift. It was neatly wrapped, with a big red bow, and when he handed it to me he said it was a thank-you for all the great work I've done so far at the clinic. I tore open the package right away to see what it was. Inside was a gorgeous and stylish purse, much larger than the one I'd been using. Jefferson told me this one should be big enough to carry everything I might need for my continued success at the clinic.

Jane's Volunteer Work

Based on the inside information supplied to me yesterday by Jefferson, today I brought champagne to the rehab clinic to share with the wealthy Mr. Walton. I bought the smallest bottles I could find, but still was only able to fit two into my purse. When I approached Mr. Walton with the champagne, he was surprised that someone had brought him his favorite drink. After the cork from the first bottle popped a little too loudly, Mr. Walton grabbed the second bottle and said he would do that one himself because he had a special way of muffling the sound. "Don't want the nurses to hear our good cheer," he said. Jefferson was happy that Mr. Walton and I hit it off, but was sad that I hadn't been able to fit any other bottles of alcohol in my purse for him. He said he'd have to see about fixing that.

Jane's Volunteer Work

Today Jefferson gave me the scoop on one Oliver Walton, a new arrival at the rehab clinic, and something of a regular. He is certainly an eligible man, part of a wealthy family. And not having to work, he spends a lot of his time traveling, according to Jefferson, who also filled me in on Mr. Walton's love of tennis, and of course let me know his favorite drink. I will be sure to bring some of that with me tomorrow when I volunteer again at the clinic. Jefferson encouraged me to go for it, and even told me, "I think you'll have better luck with him than I did."

Grandmother Winsome's Legal Advice

With high-ranking health officials now encouraging everyone in the country to wear masks, it is easier than ever to avoid detection from the authorities. However, Kiddies, keep in mind that your targets may also be hard to identify since they too will be wearing masks.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

Today at the Birch Street Nursing Home we ran out of the little green pills that several of the patients are supposed to take daily, so I gave them each a blue pill and a yellow pill instead. It is not yet an emergency, but once we run out of the blue pills and yellow pills, I will have to call the head nurse so she can place a new order with the pharmacy. And it looks like I'm going to have to make another run to the grocery store soon to purchase more tea, because all the patients are still coughing.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

I usually don't work Sundays at the Birch Street Nursing Home, but since all the patients were sick in bed yesterday, I thought I should check on them today and make sure they got their food and medicine. I'm glad I did, because they were all still feeling under the weather. I made several pots of tea for everyone. Mrs. Henley was especially glad to see me. She promised she would be back on her feet soon, and asked me not to give her job of distributing the medicine to anyone else. I assured her the job was hers.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

The patients at the Birch Street Nursing Home have been so good about completing my usual list of chores, but today every single one of them was sick in bed. I was surprised that even Mrs. Henley wasn't feeling good enough to get out of bed. She loves distributing the medicine. She has told me many times that it is her favorite activity, especially since she decided to keep the leftovers for herself. It was a good thing I bought a lot of tea on Monday, because today I ended up making several pots as I was going about the chores.

A Tip From Grandmother

If your activities call for late-night surveillance, be sure to take an afternoon nap so you'll have your wits about you when it really counts.

Jane's Volunteer Work

I am continuing my successful volunteer work at the rehab clinic. Today I spoke with Jefferson, one of the most attractive men there. I noticed him yesterday when he was admitted, but he came in so late in the afternoon that I was already out of alcohol. So today I went right over to him and introduced myself. Though it quickly became apparent that a romance wouldn't work out between us, he did give me the scoop on several of the other men there, some of whom are regulars at the clinic. In fact, he told me the main reason he admitted himself was to meet some new men with common interests. We had such a ball talking that by the time we were done, I had no more bottles of alcohol left in my purse to share with the other men. He reminded me that some of the nurses there frown upon the patients drinking, and requested that in addition to alcohol, I bring a box of mints next time to mask the smell.

Fanny Mail: A Coronavirus Question From Kansas

Kiddies, I just received an email from Charlie Ford of Overland Park, Kansas. Charlie writes: "Dear Grandmother Winsome, because of the restrictions in place due to the coronavirus outbreak, I am stuck at home with my wife and children. I have learned a lot about them in the last couple of weeks, none of it good. It turns out they have several annoying habits. While I don't wish to expose them to the coronavirus, especially because that could expose me as well, I do want to get them out of the house for a while. What can I do to make that happen?"

Well, Charlie, the most surefire way to get them away from you right now is to act like you yourself have the virus. The next time you go to the grocery store to stock up on supplies, go alone. Then, as you're putting the food away in the kitchen, throw a coughing fit. Tell your wife you must have just gotten the virus at the store and will be contagious for up to two weeks, so she and your kids should go to her mother's house for the duration. And if you want a little more time after that, tell your wife that once you're better you will be busy disinfecting the entire house, which could buy you up to another week.

And, Kiddies, keep those emails coming! In these times, emails are preferable. The letters I've received through the post are stored in a plastic bag out back, and as soon as I'm sure the germs have died off, I will bring them in to read.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

The nurses at the Birch Street Nursing Home are still working from home as a precaution during the coronavirus outbreak, so I am filling in for them again this week. Most of the patients have now picked up Mrs. Kunkle's cough. Mrs. Macmillan in particular had a rough day, but did still her part to make sure the other patients were fed. I made so much tea for everyone that I actually ran out, and had to go purchase more at the grocery store.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

Mrs. Kunkle was still feeling under the weather today at the Birch Street Nursing Home, and several other patients have now picked up her cough. They made such a racket that I could hear them down in my basement laboratory. By the end of the afternoon, I had made a total of six pots of tea.

Jane's Volunteer Work

You are an instant hit at these rehab clinics if you're able to bring in even a single travel-size bottle of gin. As for me, I've become the most popular volunteer, because I've emptied my purse of all unnecessary items so that I can carry as many small bottles of alcohol as possible. And the men here have been grateful, fawning over me every time they see me. I just know that at least one of them will take me out for dinner and drinks once his thirty days are up and he is back in circulation.

Edward's Traveling Babysitting Service

During this time of crisis, I have been offering my babysitting services to those parents who still have to go in to work. However, more and more companies are now requiring employees to work from home, which has created a new babysitting demand. To meet it, I have expanded my services to aid those parents who need a break from their children. I will take those children off your hands for the workday so you can conduct those online meetings in peace. Depending on their sizes, I can fit up to six children in the back of my van.

Grandmother Winsome's Legal Advice

Kiddies, if a certain activity requires an accomplice, consider smuggling in a person from a remote tribe. He or she will have no government record, or any record whatsoever. As far as the authorities are concerned, it will be like that person doesn't exist.