Grandmother Winsome's Legal Advice

If you are becoming forgetful in your old age, it is even more important to dispose of any evidence immediately. Otherwise, if you are ever moved into a nursing home, the people in charge of the estate sale may find a house full of incriminating evidence.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

This morning during the poker game at the Birch Street Nursing Home, there was a sudden shout and several loud thumps. Mrs. Patterson jumped up from the table and exclaimed that she'd caught Mrs. Shimshack at last. But what we found was Mr. Pearlman in a heap at the bottom of the stairs. Mrs. Patterson was disappointed, but told us not to worry, because she had set out several other booby traps. I didn't bother to remind her that Mrs. Shimshack has been dead for years. Instead, I got to work searching for her traps. I found three trip wires. I hope that's all of them.

Fanny Mail: A Mother's Feedback About Edward

Today I received a sweet message from a hard-working mother named Katie Jones. Katie writes: "Dear Grandmother Winsome, I just wanted to thank you for sending Edward out into our community. Never has my little Jacob had a teacher who was so hands on! And even during a pandemic! Having Jacob out of the house during the day has made working from home so much easier. I now feel that I have a good shot for getting that promotion. And thanks to Edward's physical education classes, Jacob has really slimmed down. Edward's traveling learning center is turning things around for our family."

Thank you so much for your message, Sweetie! I'll be sure to let Edward know what an impact he's had the next time I see him.

Grandmother Winsome's Legal Advice

Keep in mind, Kiddies, that if you are traveling with someone that you plan to have disappear, it is best not to document your trip on social media. That makes it all too easy for the authorities to trace your steps.

Grandmother Winsome's Tips For Better Living

Avoid violent confrontations at baby showers by remembering to remove the price tag from your gift. No good can come from letting the mother know you purchased the item on clearance.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

Today at the Birch Street Nursing Home, one of the doctors asked me if I wanted to join him upstairs with Cinnamon. I thanked him, but told him I was feeling fine.

Jane's Tips For Online Dating

The rise in coronavirus cases has put a halt to our plans to be wined and dined inside our favorite elegant restaurants. And so people are again deciding to meet online and conduct their relationships over the computer. While this might not sound like fun, there are some benefits to online dating. For example, online dating makes it much easier to pretend to be twins. Many men find dating twins to be exciting. But what's exciting for us is that it means twice as many free meals and gifts. Just remember to keep the names straight, because one twin should always be more adventurous than the other, and you don't want to blow your cover by having your date notice any inconsistencies.

Fanny Mail: A Family Matter

Kiddies, today I received an email from Lou Larsen of Minnetonka, Minnesota. Lou writes: "Dear Grandmother Winsome, years ago my mother faked her own death, and I inherited her house. Now, because of some trouble down in Haiti, she has returned and is demanding I hand over the house to her. Moving is such a pain, and I have things dear to me hidden under the floorboards and in a lot of the walls of this house, so I'd prefer to stay put. But she is my mother, and it is her house. What should I do?"

Sweetie, legally it is your house, so long as the authorities continue to believe your mother is dead. Is there a burial plot with an empty coffin bearing her name? If so, you could threaten to fill it with its rightful occupant if she tries to kick you out of your house. Remember, you do have some leverage. After all, she's not going to want the authorities coming around any more than you do. To keep things civil, offer to help her find other lodgings in a secluded spot nearby until things blow over in Haiti.

Edward's Traveling Learning Center

Last month I converted my ice cream truck into a traveling learning center to take care of children whose schools have closed due to outbreaks of the pandemic. I've learned that many parents want a photo taken of their children at the start of a new school year. So I have decided to offer photography services as well as classes in mathematics, science and physical education. I've created a small darkroom in the back of my truck where I can develop the photos right away while the children are doing their assignments.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

Our poker game this morning at the Birch Street Nursing Home was interrupted when a bird crashed into the window of the activity room, startling Mrs. Henley, who screamed and dropped her cards.

Fanny Mail: A Legal Argument

Kiddies, today I received a delightful email from David Martin of Abilene, Texas. David writes: "Dear Grandmother Winsome, I have been a fan of yours for nearly a decade. Lately I've been thinking about one bit of legal advice you posted back in 2013. You advised that if someone has been caught disposing of a body, he should tell the judge that to save the court’s time, he’d be willing to plead guilty to the lesser charge of littering. Do you think the same logic would allow me to plead guilty to petty theft instead of facing three counts of kidnapping?"

Well, David, first let me say what a pleasure it is to hear from a longtime fan. And yes, you make a perfectly valid point, which any reasonable judge should recognize. Plus, as I understand it, courts are still backed up due to the pandemic, so even the most unreasonable judge should be happy to accept your plea so he can move on to more serious cases.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

Today fewer doctors than usual stopped by the Birch Street Nursing Home to check on Crystal, Angel and Cinnamon. After the morning regulars left, only one doctor arrived this afternoon, an older man who must have a lot of experience, because he was able to see all three girls at the same time. He spent several hours with them, and when he came back down he looked happy, but exhausted, and he asked me to get him a glass of water. I told him I hoped all his hard work paid off, and the girls would be feeling better soon.

Winsome Family History: September 1, 1981

It was forty years ago today that we opened the Winsome Family Cleaners. No longer would we be questioned about the giant vats of bleach we purchased each week.