Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

The nurses are working from home as a precaution during the coronavirus outbreak, so I am filling in for them at the Birch Street Nursing Home again this week. Mrs. Kunkle is still not feeling very good. In addition to her cough, today she was having a bit of trouble breathing. But that did not stop her from making her usual seven rounds to all the rooms of the Birch Street Nursing Home to touch every light switch and window. When she had completed her rounds, I made her a nice cup of tea, and she said it soothed her throat.

Grandmother Winsome's Legal Advice

Kiddies, leaving behind fingerprints is always a legitimate concern when engaging in certain activities. But thanks to the coronavirus, these days you can wear rubber gloves in broad daylight without fear of raising any suspicion whatsoever. So say goodbye to those fingerprint worries! Just remember to dispose of those gloves away from the scene, because they will still contain bits of DNA evidence from your skins cells and sweat.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

Today at the Birch Street Nursing Home, Mrs. Kunkle wasn't feeling very good. I could hear her dry cough from down in my basement laboratory as she made her rounds to all the rooms to touch each window and light switch. On her fourth round of the day I caught up to her to give her some tea I made. I hope she feels better soon.

Grandmother Winsome's Legal Advice

Kiddies, keep in mind that the police may not maintain the recommended social distance of six feet from you if they spot you engaging in suspicious activity.

Spread The Word

Help spread the word, Kiddies! Remote tribes get few visitors from the outside, and those they do get are usually missionaries, there only to peddle their wares. So if you find yourself amongst a tribe during your travels, rather than selling them something, offer to tell them about Grandmother's Fanny Game. They will likely reward your generosity and wisdom with a virgin or a pretty necklace.

Grandmother Winsome's Legal Advice

Kiddies, while this continues to be an excellent time to obscure your facial features with medical masks without fear of raising suspicion, keep in mind that at airport security checkpoints, the TSA officers will likely ask you to remove those masks while they verify your identity.

Jane's Volunteer Work

Word of my presence has already caused quite a stir at the rehab clinic where I'm volunteering. Today I was propositioned by two wealthy men, who each wanted to share a drink with me. I have quickly become the most popular volunteer, but must remember to set aside a little time to sober up before the drive home.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

Today I worked at the Birch Street Nursing Home. Because my school is closed due to the coronavirus outbreak, the head nurse has asked me to fill in for her while she and the other nurses work from home. All I have to do is make sure the patients are fed and get their medications. I arrived early in the morning, as I do on Saturdays, but ended up not having to do anything. The moment the patients saw me, they believed it was Saturday and began to do the usual tasks I had assigned them for that day. So Mrs. Macmillan busied herself preparing the food, and Mrs. Henley started distributing the medicine. Once I knew everything was in order, I decided to spend the rest of the morning in my laboratory down in the basement.

Winsome Family History: March 23, 1970

It was fifty years ago today that Barbara and Carol Winsome began their flower business, Petals & Pedicels, which soon found them selling arrangements to decorate the graves of some of the very people they'd disposed of in their other business, Knives & Knuckles. It was a busy time for those enterprising gals.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

Today the head nurse at the Birch Street Nursing Home contacted Grandmother and told her she had seen that my school is going to be closed for the next few weeks. She asked Grandmother if I would be available to spend those days at the Birch Street Nursing Home. As a precaution during the coronavirus outbreak, she and the other nurses have decided to work from home, and so need someone to go in and make sure the patients are fed and get their medications. Grandmother negotiated for my usual pay of ten dollars a day, even though I likely won't have to spend as much time there during the week as I do on Saturdays.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

Today at the Birch Street Nursing Home I was saddened to find that Sniffles The Seventh still hadn't returned. Last week when I was searching for the seeing eye dog, I noticed that Mrs. Chang's grave was covered with trash. So this afternoon I took a break from my laboratory work and walked across the street to the Birch Street Cemetery to clean her grave as I had once promised her. While I was there, I visited the graves of some other Birch Street Nursing Home patients who have died – Mrs. Geffner, Mrs. Beaumont, Ms. Jenkins, Mr. Yeats, Mrs. Diaz, and Mrs. Shimshack.

Jane's Volunteer Work

Today was my first day volunteering at the rehab clinic, and I've already helped one eligible man. I was making the rounds and introducing myself to all the men and asking them what they did for work. One banking executive pulled me aside and asked me if I could get him a drink. Of course, I always carry a little something in my purse, and was happy to share it with such an accomplished man. Thankfully the nurse at the door hadn't check my purse on the way in, only my temperature. The man finished the little bottle in one gulp, thanked me and said that he wanted to see me again. I should have volunteered sooner!

Edward's "For Your Information"

Now that most schools across the country are closing due to the coronavirus, it is a great time to offer your services as a babysitter. Parents who still have to go in to work are too stressed out and desperate to run background checks or ask for references.

Jane's Volunteer Work

Since my volunteer work at the women's center a few years ago was such a success, I thought it was time to once again use my talents to help those in need. This time I've decided to focus on men who suffer from alcoholism. The in-patient rehab clinic where I've chosen to volunteer caters to wealthy people, so there will be plenty of eligible men staying there. I know I will be able to provide just what these men need.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

Today when I arrived at the Birch Street Nursing Home, Mr. Pearlman was frantically calling for his seeing eye dog, Sniffles The Seventh. He does this a lot, so I wasn't worried. But then when I went down to the basement to do some work in my laboratory, I saw that the dog was not curled up in his usual spot. I then realized I hadn't seen him since he bolted out the door during last week's fire drill. I immediately went outside, calling his name. He didn't respond, so I searched the entire neighborhood, even going as far as the gas station where I'd found Mrs. Lowe last summer. But no luck. I hope the dog is okay.

Grandmother Winsome's Tips For Better Living

Kiddies, if you are under quarantine because of the coronavirus outbreak, cheer yourself up by re-reading the entire Grandmother's Fanny Game blog, starting at the very beginning and working your way up to the most recent posts.

Grandmother Winsome's Tips For Better Living

With the coronavirus hysteria going strong, no one will question your purchase of thick rubber gloves, a mop, a bucket, a box of industrial strength garbage bags, a bone saw and a case of bleach.

Grandmother Winsome's Tips For Better Living

Reach out to elderly family members now to make sure you are in their wills. With the coronavirus spreading rapidly, time is of the essence, Kiddies!

Grandmother Winsome's Tips For Better Living

Now that springtime is just around the corner and the ground is softening, many of you will be eager to get to your spring cleaning and dispose of all the bodies that have been accumulating in your attics and basements over the winter. However, don't let your haste cause you to make any silly mistakes. It's better to take your time and do the job right. You don't want the sun to rise on your wheelbarrow or pickup truck when there are still three or four corpses in it awaiting burial.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

Today at the Birch Street Nursing Home, I held a surprise fire drill. Unfortunately, it was a total disaster. Even though the last fire drill was only ten weeks ago, the patients had already forgotten their roles. Mr. Oliveras and Mr. Matthews attempted to carry out Mrs. Henley rather than Hazel, but gave up without moving her even an inch. Mr. Oliveras threw out his back in the process and dropped to the floor. Mrs. Henley was so flustered by their unexpected attention that she forgot to retrieve Mrs. Patterson's possessions, and so Mrs. Patterson again refused to go, swearing that she would not stand for any of Mrs. Shimshack's trickery. Mrs. Kunkel forgot to guide Mr. Pearlman out, and his seeing eye dog Sniffles The Seventh had immediately bolted the moment I yelled "Fire!" So Mr. Pearlman took another tumble down the stairs. And Hazel was completely forgotten. It took nearly two hours to get everyone out. The newest patient, Mrs. Lieberman, even though she wasn't present for the previous fire drills, had the least trouble and was actually the first patient out. She later told me she's had plenty of practice escaping burning buildings.

Grandmother Winsome's Tips For Better Living

When visiting someone's house, be sure to have your escape route mapped out in case of emergency.

Grandmother Winsome's Legal Advice

If your activities call for surveillance in a neighborhood, consider taking a dog along with you. No one suspects someone with a friendly dog of being up to no good. And if you have to stand in one spot for a long time, any passersby will just assume you're waiting for the dog to do its business. When you've completed your work, you can return the dog to the pound until it's needed again.

Grandmother Winsome's Tips For Better Living

Kiddies, wandering about in remote jungles can be dangerous, for indigenous tribes are sometimes known to attack outsiders. That is why you should always carry a few extra "I'm following Grandmother Winsome" bumper stickers in your backpack to offer as gifts. Present one to the tribe's leader to show that you come in peace, and you will certainly be welcomed into their village.