Today at the Birch Street Nursing Home, I held a surprise fire drill. Unfortunately, it was a total disaster. Even though the last fire drill was only ten weeks ago, the patients had already forgotten their roles. Mr. Oliveras and Mr. Matthews attempted to carry out Mrs. Henley rather than Hazel, but gave up without moving her even an inch. Mr. Oliveras threw out his back in the process and dropped to the floor. Mrs. Henley was so flustered by their unexpected attention that she forgot to retrieve Mrs. Patterson's possessions, and so Mrs. Patterson again refused to go, swearing that she would not stand for any of Mrs. Shimshack's trickery. Mrs. Kunkel forgot to guide Mr. Pearlman out, and his seeing eye dog Sniffles The Seventh had immediately bolted the moment I yelled "Fire!" So Mr. Pearlman took another tumble down the stairs. And Hazel was completely forgotten. It took nearly two hours to get everyone out. The newest patient, Mrs. Lieberman, even though she wasn't present for the previous fire drills, had the least trouble and was actually the first patient out. She later told me she's had plenty of practice escaping burning buildings.
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