Cindy's Quarterly Report

Last December some of the Winsome Family members contributed their New Year's resolutions to my blog. As you know, Cindy's was to do one thing each week to cheer up the elderly. She has kept up with it, even over her summer vacation. Now it is time for Cindy’s third Quarterly Report. This time there has been lots of interesting activity over at the Birch Street Nursing Home, including a bon voyage to Mrs. Chang.

Week 27: Cindy went to the Birch Street Nursing Home to help them celebrate the Fourth of July. Those on one side of the building were able to see the neighboring town's fireworks display through their windows, but had trouble hearing it, so she stood behind them and shouted "BANG" whenever the fireworks went off.

Week 28: She made Get Well Soon cards for all the patients at the Birch Street Nursing Home.

Week 29: She made paper-mache dentures as temporary replacements for Mrs. Beaumont after her proper ones were stolen by the Birch Street Nursing Home thief.

Week 30: Cindy promised Mrs. Chang she’d help clear trash from her grave.

Week 31: She showed them her collection of old coins.

Week 32: She found a cushion for Mrs. Chang to replace the pillow she'd given her earlier, which was stolen by the Birch Street Nursing Home thief.

Week 33: She walked with Mrs. Chang next door to the Birch Street Funeral Home and helped her pick out a coffin. After that, they walked across the street to the Birch Street Cemetery, where she helped her pick out a plot.

Week 34: She started keeping a late-night vigil outside the Birch Street Nursing Home in an effort to catch the thief.

Week 35: Cindy wiped the lipstick off of Mrs. Chang’s teeth before they carted away her body.

Week 36: She told the new occupant of Mrs. Chang's room that she could keep Mrs. Chang's cushion.

Week 37: She sang to Mr. Matthews one of his deceased wife’s favorite songs.

Week 38: She helped return the stolen items found in Mrs. Shimshack's closet after her death. 

Week 39: Cindy gave medical aid to Mr. Matthews.

Cindy Cheers Up The Elderly (Week 39)

This week to cheer up the elderly, I gave aid to Mr. Matthews. I had just been telling him how we learned mouth-to-mouth resuscitation in school this week, when he suddenly fell over and had trouble breathing. Good thing for him I was there.

Grandmother Winsome's Friday Message

When preparing your will, be sure to leave all your furs, knives and electrical tape to Grandmother Winsome.

Grandmother Winsome's Tips For Better Living

Strategically placed landmines in your yard will help deter criminals from breaking into your home, and may also teach certain neighbors to keep their pets on leashes.

Cindy Cheers Up The Elderly (Week 38)

This week to cheer up the elderly, I helped return the stolen items found in Mrs. Shimshack's closet after her death. It's much easier to understand Mrs. Beaumont now that she has her proper dentures back. She said I can end my late-night vigil.

Spread The Word

Help spread the word, Kiddies! Send a Grandmother’s Fanny Game greeting card to everyone you know before the end of the year.

Cindy Cheers Up The Elderly (Week 37)

This week to cheer up the elderly, I sang to Mr. Matthews. He told me he missed his dead wife and wanted to hear her favorite song, "Ring Around The Rosie." That's one I know by heart! He had me sing it to him four times, and told me I sound just like his wife.

Grandmother Winsome's Friday Message

Remember, Kiddies, don't park your bodies in front of a fire hydrant.

Spread The Word

Help spread the word, Kiddies! Call your local radio station and request the Grandmother Winsome Theme Song.

Spread The Word

When deprogramming cult members, tell them the transition will be made easier by turning to Grandmother Winsome for advice on all things.

Cindy Cheers Up The Elderly (Week 36)

This week to cheer up the elderly, I told the new occupant of Mrs. Chang's room that she could keep Mrs. Chang's cushion.

Edward's "For Your Information"

In neighborhoods throughout the nation there are road signs that warn of the presence of children. Some say "Watch Children." Some say "Slow Children." And some say "Children At Play." However, I have learned through experience, and much wasted time, that in many of those neighborhoods there are no longer any children present. Someone needs to take down these misleading signs. 

Rest In Peace, Mrs. Chang

Hi, Kiddies! As you know, one of Cindy's little friends died recently. In commemoration, Cindy asked me to help her recount the life of Mrs. Chang.

Mrs. Chang moved to the Birch Street Nursing Home in March this year. Her family had forgotten to pack her pillow, so Cindy took her an old one from the attic of Winsome Headquarters. In May, Cindy visited her on Mother's Day. Then in June, Cindy visited her on her birthday. Such a festive one, that Mrs. Chang. More recently, the pillow Cindy gave her was stolen. But Cindy was able to find her a cushion to replace it. Mrs. Chang then took Cindy on a shopping excursion for a coffin and a cemetery plot. And not a moment too soon, either, for this past week, while Cindy was visiting the Birch Street Nursing Home, Mrs. Chang suddenly died. Mrs. Chang's hobbies included napping, looking out her window, and talking about her own death. Mrs. Chang is survived by her entire family, who could not be reached for they are currently on another white water rafting trip.

Spread The Word

Help spread the word, Kiddies! State clearly in your will that the latest Grandmother’s Fanny Game blog update should be read at your funeral. Make sure you designate someone with a good strong speaking voice to do the delivery.

A Sunday With Cindy

Cindy has done so much to cheer up the elderly, that today I decided she needed a little cheering up herself. I took her on a fishing trip, just the two of us. She seemed pleased that the earthworms from Mrs. Chang's grave yielded us such a nice catch.