Grandmother Winsome's Legal Advice

Kiddies, if you are going to cheat on your taxes by making up business expenses, be sure to make those expenses believable if you wish to avoid an audit. For example, if your hair generally looks terrible, don't claim to have spent tens of thousands of dollars on haircuts.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

This week, Grandmother had me practicing the sentences I'd learned in sign language last Saturday. She had me do them over and over for her, until my arms were tired. Then she grabbed a pen and added a few more lines to that list of phrases she wants me to learn. So today Mrs. Macmillan taught me how to say "Keep an eye on the back door" and "I've deactivated the alarm" in sign language.

Dating Tips From The Winsome Women

Just because a guy refuses to reveal his last name doesn't necessarily mean he can't be trusted. He may simply have an embarrassing last name like Butts or Longbottom, and wants you to get to know him better before he breaks the news.

Grandmother Winsome's Tips For Better Living

While it might seem a good idea to use prisoners from a work release program to engage in certain aspects of your business, keep in mind that some convicts are not as tight-lipped as you might expect.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

During the week, Grandmother pulled me aside and told me I should learn some more sign language from Mrs. Macmillan. She gave me a list of phrases to learn, and so today at the Birch Street Nursing Home, Mrs. Macmillan taught me how to say "Don't speak, the room might be bugged" and "Careful, the night watchman is awake" in sign language.

Dating Tips From The Winsome Women

Just because a guy has several prescriptions in his medicine cabinet doesn't mean he's too sick to show you a good time. But if he has a few drinks at dinner, it might be a good idea for you to do the driving.

Edward's Traveling Massage Parlor

When I purchased my new, larger ice cream truck back in July, I knew that the extra space in the back would come in handy during the winter when I convert the truck into the traveling massage parlor. Well, today I managed to fit a second massage table into the truck, so I will be able to service more children this winter than ever before. Kids can say goodbye to their aches and pains because I'm hitting the road tomorrow.

Grandmother Winsome's Tips For Better Living

Kiddies, while I understand the urge to constantly check the Grandmother's Fanny Game blog for updates, if you are a pilot, you should wait until the co-pilot is up from his nap before focusing all your attention on my blog.

Grandmother Winsome's Legal Advice

Kiddies, if you decide to keep the getaway vehicle, hire someone to paint it a new color. That way, if the authorities release a description of the car, yours will no longer match it. As an additional precautionary measure, have the color changed a second time, at a different place, just in case the people at the first place hear about a reward and decide to provide information to the police.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

When I got to the Birch Street Nursing Home this morning, Mrs. Macmillan was waving her arms around in the activity room. At first, I was alarmed, thinking something was wrong with her. But Mrs. Kunkle assured me that everything was okay. Mrs. Macmillan was simply teaching Mrs. Kunkle some sign language. Once I was certain things were all right, I wrote on a piece of paper, asking Mrs. Macmillan to teach me a few words too. And now I know how to say "I have a royal flush" in sign language.

Grandmother Winsome's Legal Advice

Kiddies, just because water levels are currently on the rise, don't think it is now safe to hide bodies in your local reservoir or lake. These storms will die down, and those levels are certain to drop again before long.

Dating Tips From The Winsome Women

Just because a guy calls his mother fourteen times during the date doesn't necessarily mean his mother controls his life. He is likely so excited about his date with you that he wants to give her updates.

Grandmother Winsome's Tips For Better Living

If you're not particularly proud of the medical or law school you attended, hang a "With Honors" sash over the framed diploma so that it covers just the name of the school, leaving the word "University" in view.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

Today Mrs. Henley needed an emergency bathroom break during a hand of poker at the Birch Street Nursing Home. She was taking longer than usual, and the other patients got antsy, so I asked them what their New Year's resolutions are for this year. Mrs. Kunkle was the first to answer. She said that this year she is determined to make fewer rounds touching all the windows and light switches in the Birch Street Nursing Home. Mrs. Patterson then said this is the year that she will finally catch Mrs. Shimshack and have her arrested for stealing her few belongings. Mr. Tanaka started to say something, but Mrs. Patterson was not done talking about Mrs. Shimshack. Soon she worked herself into a state, and I knew it would do no good to remind her that Mrs. Shimshack has been dead for years. In fact, she didn't calm down until Mrs. Henley came back from the bathroom and the poker hand resumed. The others never got a chance to say what their resolutions are.

Grandmother Winsome's Legal Advice

If you live an area that has suffered recent flooding, and the authorities happen to find a skeleton on your property, remind them that it could have washed down from just about anywhere.

Grandmother Winsome's Legal Advice

Kiddies, it has come to my attention that a certain kind of temporary tattoo lasts much longer than anyone might desire. Some of them can last more than fifteen months. So if you are placing temporary tattoos on your face and hands in order give witnesses something to remember, be sure to purchase only the cheap kind that will come off with a simple scrubbing. You don't want those tattoos to still be there for the police lineup or trial.

Edward's Post-Christmas Message

Don't put away that Santa Claus outfit just yet. Children need to see that Santa is watching them all year long to encourage their best behavior. Besides, that outfit will keep you warm while you're enjoying the evening outside their homes.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home: New Year's Edition

The phone rang early this morning at Winsome Headquarters, but it woke only me and the maid. The maid got to it before I could, and told me it was the head nurse at the Birch Street Nursing Home, asking if I could work today. The nurse who usually works Sundays was feeling a little under the weather. I agreed to take the day at the higher holiday rate. When I got to the Birch Street Nursing Home, most of the patients were still asleep, and the ones who were awake seemed to be in a daze. Even Mrs. Lieberman made a couple of careless errors during the first few poker hands. She said that was sure some strong tequila I had brought there yesterday.

Dating Tips From The Winsome Women

Just because a guy didn't call you on New Year's Eve doesn't necessarily mean he forgot about you. He may have been hit by a bus on his way to the jewelry store and is now lying in a coma.