An Important Message For Floridians

A big storm is heading your way, Kiddies. Before it reaches you, print out all the Grandmother Winsome's Legal Advice posts and put them in your life raft. That way, when the power is knocked out and your house is washed away, you can remain calm, knowing that my advice will see you through another sticky situation.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

This week Grandmother reminded me not to let poker get in the way of my laboratory work. So today I went into the basement of the Birch Street Nursing Home for the first time in several months, and found that my bag of test subjects was now just a bag of skeletons.

Dating Tips From The Winsome Women

If you discover that your date is planning on taking you to a restaurant that has a measly two-star rating, call him up and tell him you've been infected with the coronavirus and have to quarantine for two weeks. That should give him enough time to raise the necessary money to take you to a better establishment.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

Today the poker game at the Birch Street Nursing Home was interrupted by a knock on the door. There was a delivery man standing there with a large box. He let me sign for it, though it was addressed to all the patients at the Birch Street Nursing Home. There was some excitement at the poker table when I brought the package over. It was Mrs. Lieberman who saw that it was sent from Mr. Shaw, and she opened it with her box cutter. As she began taking items out, Mrs. Henley quickly claimed some of the snacks. Besides the snacks, there were a couple of new puzzles and a fresh deck of cards. Most of the patients didn't remember who Mr. Shaw was, so Mrs. Lieberman explained that he lived with them at the beginning of last year. That still didn't ring a bell, but they enjoyed the snacks and took a break from poker to put together one of the puzzles.

Fanny Mail: A Baby Box Surprise

Kiddies, I am delighted to receive so many emails about the baby drop-off boxes. Today's Fanny Mail comes from Darlene Harris of Bucklin, Missouri. Darlene writes: "Dear Grandmother Winsome, my husband and I are the proud parents of four boys. When I got pregnant again, I was certain it would be a girl. We even painted a portion of the children's room pink in preparation for her arrival. But when it came time to pop the child out, it was once again a boy. So we decided to leave it in one of those drop boxes we've been reading about on your blog and try again. But as luck would have it, when I opened the box, there was already a little girl inside. So we just swapped our child for that one. Thanks to your blog, our family is now complete."

So glad to be of help, Sweetie! I am delighted to learn that my blog is bringing families together.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

Today when I arrived at the Birch Street Nursing Home, I was surprised to find Mrs. Patterson back at her spot at the poker table. Even more surprising was that she didn't mention Mrs. Shimshack a single time. During the first bathroom break, Mrs. Lieberman told me she had had enough of Mrs. Patterson's shenanigans and so had stayed up last night with her to learn just what it was that she was seeing out her window every Friday night. Well, it turns out it was Mr. Matthews. He was standing out in the yard last night, pretending to be the dead Mrs. Shimshack. He disguised his voice and kept threatening that he was coming to take Mrs. Patterson's last remaining possessions. I am glad Mrs. Lieberman put a stop to it, because now we have enough poker players without me having to ask Mr. Matthews to join us. That also means I don't have to help Mr. Matthews put on his pants, or massage his thighs, or bathe him anymore.

Edward's Ice Cream Truck Adventures

I have officially designated my ice cream truck as a safe place to drop off unwanted children. However, please keep in mind that I will not be accepting any ugly, overweight or otherwise damaged children.

Fanny Mail: Another Fan's Experience With Baby Boxes

Kiddies, it is always a delight to hear from my fans. I'm continuing to receive quite a bit of Fanny Mail about the baby boxes that were first mentioned in an email in mid-August. Today I received an email from Tammy Jo Brown of Knoxville, Tennessee. Tammy Jo writes: "Dear Grandmother Winsome, like many of your fans, I was excited to learn about the baby drop-off boxes. My husband and I looked into it a little further, and discovered there is a stipulation that the baby must be unharmed. That seems unfair. Is there another place where we can take injured babies? In the meantime, we did what we could to make our baby appear as unharmed as possible. We even tied his arm back on with some twine, and put a sweater on him to hide the puncture marks."

Sweetie, I believe they put that stipulation in there only because it is easier for them to find homes for babies that are in perfect condition. But it does sound like you did everything you could to help, cleaning it up as much as possible before slipping the baby inside the box. I am sure your efforts will be appreciated. And remember, this action is anonymous anyway, so you have nothing to worry about.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

Mrs. Patterson wasn't at the poker table today at the Birch Street Nursing Home. For the third week in a row, she had barricaded herself in her room, and she spent most of the morning shouting about how Mrs. Shimshack had been calling her name in the middle of the night. Mrs. Lieberman brought out the old radio and turned up the volume to drown out the noise. But this also meant I had to once again ask Mr. Matthews to join the poker game. This time he said he couldn't go downstairs without first bathing, and he handed me a small sponge.