Fanny Mail: Another Fan Chimes In About Baby Boxes

A recent Fanny Mail from Cheryl Teagarden has really been a hit with my fans. I just received another email about it, this time from Sophia Gomez of Scottsdale, Arizona. Sophia writes: "Dear Grandmother Winsome, my husband and I are big fans of your blog. And like fellow-fan Tiffany Baines, we were shocked to learn from Cheryl Teagarden's Fanny Mail that you can drop off unwanted babies at fire stations. Over the years, my husband and I have had to come up with all sorts of ways to get rid of our children, and are thrilled to learn that there is a legal way to do it. When our next child is born, we'll know just what to do with it."

Wonderful, Sweetie! I am always glad when my blog can be of such great help.

Grandmother Winsome's Tips For Better Living

Kiddies, according to a new article I read today, drinking two or more cups of black tea a day lowers your risk of death from all causes. So if you are on death row, be sure to order two cups of black tea with your last meal and keep your fingers crossed.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

Today at the Birch Street Nursing Home, Mrs. Patterson remained barricaded in her room again. When I asked her what was wrong, she told me it was too dangerous to leave her room. She said that Mrs. Shimshack now has an accomplice. I didn't bother trying to convince her that Mrs. Shimshack has been dead for several years, so she couldn't possibly have any accomplices. It was clear anyway that I was going to have to ask Mr. Matthews to join our poker game again. He agreed, but told me I would first have to massage his sore thighs before he'd be able to make it down the stairs.

Grandmother Winsome's Legal Advice

Kiddies, don't lick your envelopes. You never know when your DNA could play a part in a criminal case. Instead, have your undocumented maid do it for you. Or, if you are between maids at the moment, spend the extra money for the peel-and-stick envelopes.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

When I got to the Birch Street Nursing Home this morning, I was expecting to find Mrs. Patterson out on the front lawn again, claiming to have seen the dead Mrs. Shimshack. But I was pleasantly surprised when there were only squirrels running around out there. However, Mrs. Patterson also wasn't at the poker table. She had barricaded herself in her room, saying that Mrs. Shimshack was getting too close. Mrs. Lieberman said we needed another player, and suggested I go upstairs to try to convince Mr. Matthews to join us. He agreed, but first I had to help him put on his pants.

Fanny Mail: A Fan's Reaction To Baby Boxes

Kiddies, it is always a joy to read your letters and emails. Today I received an email from Tiffany Baines of Lebanon, Ohio. Tiffany writes: "Dear Grandmother Winsome, I read your Fanny Mail post yesterday, and was shocked to learn that you can drop off unwanted offspring at the fire department. I didn't know we had that option. Last night I investigated my local fire station, and sure enough, there was a baby drop-off box attached to the outside wall. Well, someone needs to tell the people in charge to make those boxes a lot bigger. It took me nearly an hour to stuff my five-year-old son Gerald inside, and even then, I noticed his right foot was still hanging out as I drove away. But I suppose I shouldn't complain, because things are a lot quieter around here today. I even had time to lie out on the deck and catch some rays."

Tiffany, I'm glad yesterday's post provided so much help, and that you're having such a good day. And, Sweetie, I agree that you shouldn't bother lodging a complaint with the fire chief. There isn't much point to it unless you have some other larger children you'd like to drop off.

Fanny Mail: A Question From Pennsylvania

Kiddies, today I received an email from Cheryl Teagarden of Slovan, Pennsylvania. Cheryl writes: "Dear Grandmother Winsome, I have a couple of unwanted babies I was thinking of dropping off at the fire station. The problem is their father is a fireman, and I am afraid he'll cause a scene. I am trying to cut back on the amount of drama in my life, which is why I am getting rid of the children in the first place. What should I do?"

Well, Cheryl, one option is to drive to the fire station of a nearby town. Because even if you went to the local station at a time when your husband isn't working, someone there might recognize you or the children. Just keep in mind that sometimes firefighters of several towns come together to fight an especially large fire, so you might need to drive a good distance before you can feel confident that the firefighters there won't know your husband. So perhaps it's best to consider alternatives. One idea is to take the babies to the local hospital, which is another location that does not require you to reveal your identity or that of your children. You could also drop them off at a daycare center, where the workers know how to take care of children. If those options don't work for you, another idea is to take the babies to a flea market. Perhaps you could swap them for an attractive floor lamp.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

Today when I got to the Birch Street Nursing Home, Mrs. Patterson was at it again. She was outside, bent over the front lawn, running her fingers through the grass. When I told her she needed to go inside, she grabbed my arm and pointed to a spot where the grass looked worn and told me that this is where she saw Mrs. Shimshack standing last night. I reminded her that Mrs. Shimshack has been dead for years, and told her that the poker game will be starting soon, so if she doesn't want Mr. Tanaka to take her seat, she'd better get moving. It didn't work, and Mrs. Patterson kept staring at the ground. I went in to tell Mrs. Lieberman to start the first hand without me, then took Mrs. Patterson across the street to the Birch Street Cemetery to look at Mrs. Shimshack's grave. But even this didn't work. Mrs. Patterson said that Mrs. Shimshack wants us to think she's dead so we'll let down our guard. I gave up and told her to join the rest of the patients at the Birch Street Nursing Home when she gets hungry. Five minutes later, she was inside.

Dating Tips From The Winsome Women

If your date asks which pronouns he should use for you, tell him to use whatever ones excite him the most.

Edward's Ice Cream Truck Adventures

I took my new, larger ice cream truck for its first spin this weekend, and am pleased with its performance. I realize it will be several years before all those extra children now coming into the world are old enough to purchase ice cream, but it's good to be prepared. And besides, I was able to make use of that extra space already.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

This morning when I arrived at the Birch Street Nursing Home, Mrs. Patterson was outside, looking in the bushes at the edge of the road. She had Sniffles The Eighth with her, but the dog wasn't very interested in whatever Mrs. Patterson was searching for. I reminded her that patients were not supposed to be outside on their own, but she didn't pay any attention to me. Instead, she pulled on the cord she was using as a leash to try to get Sniffles The Eighth to investigate the bushes. So I went over to see what she was up to. Mrs. Patterson said that last night through her window she saw Mrs. Shimshack crouching in the bushes with a pair of binoculars. So now she was using the dog to catch Mrs. Shimshack's scent. I could tell Mrs. Patterson wasn't in a good frame of mind, so I didn't bother trying to convince her that Mrs. Shimshack has been dead for several years. Instead, I told her that she should go check her room to make sure that Mrs. Shimshack hadn't sneaked inside while she was out. That worked. In fact, she dropped the cord in her rush to get inside. Later, when I went to open the drapes in the activity room for the poker game, I learned just where Mrs. Patterson had gotten that cord.

Dating Tips From The Winsome Women

If you've put on some extra weight during the pandemic, and your date appears bothered by it, tell him you deliberately put on weight in order to audition for a plum role in a local theatrical production, and now that the play has wrapped, you'll soon be back to your normal weight of 118.

Revisiting A Popular Grandmother's Fanny Game Post

Kiddies, each day I have Cindy crunch the numbers on fan activity regarding the blog. This week one old post in particular has been getting a lot of views, especially in southern states: Poll Results: What Is The Most Enjoyable Way To Induce A Miscarriage?