Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

There was some trouble yesterday at the Birch Street Nursing Home. Just as I was about to lock up for the evening, I heard a scream upstairs. When I got up to Mrs. Henley's room, I flicked on the light switch and saw a man standing next to her bed. When he saw me, and then looked at Mrs. Henley, he froze for a moment, and then went back out through the open window and down the ladder he had placed there. Mrs. Henley was in a state. I called the head nurse, just as I was instructed to do whenever there is an emergency. But there was no answer. By then, most of the other patients had gathered outside Mrs. Henley's room, and they told me I had to report the incident, so I went ahead and called the police. After the police arrived, Mrs. Henley and I spent a long time looking at a binder full of photographs. Several of the men in the photos looked familiar, but none like the man who scared Mrs. Henley. Three of Cinnamon's doctors were in the photos. I asked the policeman why he had photos of doctors mixed in with criminals, and he asked me why I thought they were doctors. I explained to him how Mr. Smith was renting rooms every Saturday for three sick women he knows, and that their doctors visit them throughout the day. Soon after that, the police left. The patients were still upset, so I told them I would stay there overnight in case the guy returned. The rest of the night was quiet, and I left once the sun came up.

Fanny Mail: An Urgent Question About Hospitals

Kiddies, I just received an email marked "Urgent" from Daniel Whitaker. Daniel writes: "Dear Grandmother Winsome, I am at the hospital, where my wife was having elective surgery. They only validate parking for two hours, but I figured it would be no problem, as it is a relatively easy procedure. Well, the doctor just came out and told me there were some complications, and my wife has died. I have to move my car in the next ten minutes or be charged, but now they are saying the paperwork alone will take longer than that. Should I demand a second validation sticker? Or should I just come back tomorrow when I can have a fresh two hours?"

Well, Daniel, you might let slip that you are thinking of suing the hospital, since your wife died during what you said was a relatively routine procedure. After that, they will be relieved when you settle for just having your parking validated.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

Today at the Birch Street Nursing Home, Mr. Tanaka was looking sharp. His hair was slicked back and his shirt was tucked in. But putting in all that effort must have tired him, because he excused himself from the poker table to go back upstairs right after Crystal and Angel were dropped off. An hour later he was refreshed, and rejoined the game.

Edward's Traveling Massage Parlor

Putting a snow plow on the front of my traveling massage parlor was one of the best ideas I've had. There have been some big snow storms this season, causing power outages and school cancellations, but the business in the back of my truck never slows.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

This morning at the Birch Street Nursing Home, Mr. Tanaka was in high spirits at the poker table. And no wonder, since he won several big hands. But his mood really changed when Mr. Smith dropped off the girls and Crystal wasn't with them. This week it was Angel and Cinnamon who had the two vacant rooms upstairs. Mr. Tanaka's mood improved as they day went on. Then when the girls got picked up, I saw him go outside to have a talk with Mr. Smith. I was surprised to see Mr. Tanaka hand over his poker winnings, but Mrs. Lieberman told me not to worry about it.

Grandmother Winsome's Tips For Better Living

Kiddies, if you see a purple splotch on your chin when you look in the mirror in the morning, don't panic and assume you're dying. It's probably jelly from your midnight snack.

Jane's Scientific Experiment

Yesterday when I got to the hospital in my sexy new sleeveless dress, the hot young doctor was nowhere to be found. Instead, there was some sad old woman running the experiment. I told her I wasn't going to have my blood drawn until he showed up, but she told me he no longer worked at the hospital, and mentioned something about a disciplinary board. When I hesitated to give her my arm for the blood draw, she asked me if I wanted the twenty dollars or not. I wasn't about to let this new dress go to waste, so I took that twenty dollars and went to the nearest bar. When I told the bartender my story to explain the bandage on my arm, he promised to make my drinks extra strong, and told me he understood that it's difficult to find a good man.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

Today at the Birch Street Nursing Home, Crystal joined us at the poker table for a few hands. She said one of her doctors canceled his appointment, and she didn't feel like hanging around in bed waiting for the next one. I was glad to see she was feeling good enough to join us, and she even won the first three hands she played. After that, Mrs. Lieberman kept a close eye on her. But it was Mr. Tanaka who seemed to enjoy Crystal's company the most, because I saw him move his chair closer to her several times.

Fanny Mail: A Question From The Windy City

Kiddies, today I received a delightful email from Xander Nash of Chicago, Illinois. Xander writes: "Dear Grandmother Winsome, last week I adopted a Great Dane with the expectation that he would be able to eat a large amount of bones in a short amount of time. The dog is good about not barking, but he just isn’t getting the job done quickly enough. He's barely finished one bone, and at the rate he’s going, at one bone a week, it would take him just over eight years to finish the pile I've amassed here in my studio apartment. There's a new girl in the neighborhood that I have my eye on, and I really want to clear out the bones before bringing her up to see my place. I’m in a bind. What should I do?"

Well, Xander, your troubles are over if you have an associate who works on a pig farm. I learned from a reliable source that pigs are well-equipped to digest all sorts of things, including bones. And what's more, they don't excrete much evidence of what they eat. Just starve the pigs for a couple of days, and then they'll devour those bones in no time. Good luck with your new conquest, Sweetie! 

Jane's Scientific Experiment

I found a gorgeous black dress today, and it's sleeveless, so it will be perfect for when I have my blood drawn on Saturday. Wait until the hot young doctor sees me in this! I have no doubt that it will lead to a proper date.