Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

Today we had a couple of visitors at the Birch Street Nursing Home. Two girls from my class came by late this morning to sell boxes of cookies. Mrs. Lieberman didn't buy any, but invited the girls to join the poker game. It wasn't long before each of the patients had at least one box of cookies, and Mrs. Lieberman had all the money the girls had made on their route. After the girls left, I took Mr. Tanaka down to my basement laboratory to continue my experiment to put an end to his scratching. I turned on the machine, but waited until he had swallowed the cookies before sanding away more of the irritated skin under his chin.

Grandmother Winsome's Legal Advice

Before you attend to certain activities, stop in at a few clubs that offer valet parking to get some extra sets of fingerprints on the getaway vehicle.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

When I got to the Birch Street Nursing Home this morning, Mr. Tanaka was already scratching that spot under his chin. I decided today would be the day to start my experiment to help him put a stop to all that constant scratching. I took him down to my basement laboratory, which he was surprised to see. I had forgotten that most of the patients haven't seen my laboratory and its equipment. Once I got him strapped into the chair and the machine warmed up, I opened the case of attachments and took out the one I had in mind. I plugged it into the machine, and it made a terrible, high-pitched noise. I told Mr. Tanaka not to worry, and to hold still while I used the attachment to remove a little area of skin from under his chin. Though there wasn't much blood, Mr. Tanaka asked me to stop after just a few seconds. I did, but I told him the experiment will take much longer if we don't get more skin sanded off during each session. Still, I'm almost certain the experiment will be a success because the rest of the afternoon Mr. Tanaka kept his hand away from that little area I worked on.

Spread The Word

If you work as a bathroom attendant, while handing out towels also recite the latest Grandmother's Fanny Game blog post. You should see an increase in tips for that service, Kiddies!

Fanny Mail: A Fan's Response To A Tip For Better Living

Kiddies, I just received an email from Joey Chen of San Mateo, California. Joey writes: "Dear Grandmother Winsome, I liked your helpful tip from February 6th about making drones look less suspicious. My only concern was getting enough feathers to cover my drone. I was planning on hunting some birds over the weekend, until my sister reminded me that I had promised to take my nephews to the zoo. I was annoyed, but it turned out the zoo had a couple of peacocks. When we left, our pockets were stuffed with peacock feathers. But it didn't quite work out the way I had hoped, because those big, colorful feathers actually drew more attention to my drone rather than less, and I had to quickly call off the operation. As long as my sister doesn't remind me of some other commitment I made, I plan on using the next few evenings to snare some pigeons. I just wanted to write to you to keep your other fans from making a hasty choice in feathers like I did."

Thanks for sharing your experience, Sweetie. Those pigeon feathers should do the trick. And don't be quick to toss out those peacock feathers. They can be used for decorations, and some people believe they bring good luck.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

Today at the Birch Street Nursing Home I continued taking notes on any strange behavior from the patients so I could choose my next test subject. Mr. Tanaka was again scratching that spot under his chin, just like he did last Saturday. But this time it was worse. He scratched all through the poker game. He scratched during lunch. He even scratched while Mrs. Henley passed out the medicine. It was nearly constant. I felt so bad for him that by early afternoon I stopped taking notes and made my decision. Mr. Tanaka will be my next test subject.

Grandmother Winsome's Tips For Better Living

Tape some feathers to your drone before sending it up so that the people you're spying on won't be as suspicious when they see it hovering outside their windows.

Fanny Mail: A Runner's Problem

Kiddies, today I received a message from Todd Gibbs of Winston-Salem, North Carolina. Todd writes: "Dear Grandmother Winsome, my favorite exercise is running. But I overdid it last week, and now my right foot makes a snapping noise with every step I take. It is loud, Grandmother. And it has made it extremely difficult to sneak up on people. Will this problem fix itself, or am I going to have to make some big changes in my life?"

Well, Todd, this has happened to me several times over the years, and is nothing to worry too much about. It sounds like a case of crepitus. What you need to do is rest your foot and ice it up frequently. Apply compression bandaging, and whenever you can, elevate that foot. You'll be back to successfully sneaking around in no time!

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

I took a small notebook with me to the Birch Street Nursing Home today so that I could begin taking notes on anything peculiar the patients might do, things that could lead to my next experiment. Who will be my next test subject after my success with Mrs. Patterson? The only unusual thing I noted today that I hadn't noticed before is that Mr. Tanaka frequently scratches a spot under his chin. I wonder if that's something the machine in my laboratory could fix.

Jane's Advice For Dating A Prisoner

Don't date a prisoner! They can't be trusted. Now that my boyfriend had been released from prison and was planning our big surprise date, I decided to take a drive by the trendy new restaurant I'd been telling him about. I wanted to look at the menu and see which table had the best lighting. But what did I find there? My boyfriend, and he was with another woman. I marched right over to him and called him a bum and told him he belonged back in prison. That's it for me. Stay away from prisoners!

Grandmother Winsome's Tips For Better Living

Always vote guilty when serving on a jury, and tell all your friends to do the same. The fewer vacant jail cells, the better, in the event that any of your own activities should come to trial.