Kiddies, today I received an email from Samuel Goldstein of Long Island, New York. Samuel writes: "Dear Grandmother Winsome, my wife and I were on vacation in Israel recently, when there was a disturbance at the concert we were attending. During the fracas, my wife was taken hostage. I was incredibly upset, and in an attempt to help me avoid dwelling on the pain, a good friend took me out for drinks at the bar around the corner from our house, and it was there that I met Linda. We hit it off, and she has helped me move on. Now I've learned that during a pause in the hostilities, many of the hostages are being released. I really wasn't expecting that, and don't know what to do. If my wife comes home, she is certain to be upset to find another woman living in our house and wearing her jewelry."
Well, Sweetie, you might try to contact those who have kidnapped your wife and explain the situation. They might be willing to hold onto her for a little longer, giving you time to see how your new relationship is progressing. However, if she's already been released, it's only a matter of time before she finds a way back home. One thing you could do is change the locks and paint the house a different color. Then when she shows up at the door, pretend you have no idea who she is, and ask her if she has suffered any recent trauma that would explain her confusion. Once she is gone, you can relax and head to the neighborhood bar with Linda.
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