Grandmother Winsome's Tips For Better Living

If you're drinking on a budget, consider visiting several bridal shops and telling them you're looking for that special dress. Many shops offer free champagne. Just don't get so drunk that you get caught up in your story and end up making a purchase.

An Important Tip From Grandmother Winsome

Kiddies, if you are an airport worker out on the runway, be sure to move a safe distance away from the plane's engines before checking the Grandmother's Fanny Game blog for updates.

Jane's Advice For Dating A Prisoner

If you're dating someone who is incarcerated, and all the items you brought in for your boyfriend end up getting confiscated by the guards, don't take it too hard if he's a little upset. Just promise him you'll do a better job next time, and instead of carrying the items in a shopping bag, you will try to hide them somewhere on your body.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

Now that summer is officially here, some of the patients at the Birch Street Nursing Home today asked me to help them dig out their lighter sweaters.

Grandmother Winsome's Tips For Better Living

If during a relative's funeral it suddenly becomes clear that she is not dead, do not let her out of the coffin, no matter how persistent her knocking. It's likely that she won't survive long, and then you'll have to go through the hassle of gathering all the loved ones together again, ordering fresh flowers, and paying for a second funeral. Instead, simply let things proceed and tell the organist to play a little louder.

An Important Tip From Grandmother Winsome

If you're on a submarine sightseeing tour and realize you don't have phone reception to check the Grandmother's Fanny Game blog, don't panic and open the hatch! Instead, tell the guide to shorten the tour to hit just the most important points, and then check the blog when you are safely back on shore.

Fanny Mail: A New Fan In Tennessee

Kiddies, I always love receiving your letters and emails. Today I got an email from Councilman Russ Anderson of Franklin, Tennessee. Councilman Anderson writes: "Dear Grandmother Winsome, one of the more tedious aspects of my job is having to listen to comments from the public. How many times must we hear complaints about the smell of the dump, the nominal increases in the water bill, and Mrs. Hatchley's overgrown hedges? Honestly, I tend to drift off during that section of the meeting. But last week, a citizen got up and used her two minutes to talk about Grandmother's Fanny Game and the invaluable advice she receives from your site. I got curious, took out my phone, and spent the rest of the public comment section of the meeting reading your blog. From now on, I plan to use that portion of the meetings to read more from Grandmother's Fanny Game."

Great idea, Sweetie! I can't think of a better way to spend your time at work.

Jane's Advice For Dating A Prisoner

If you're dating someone who is incarcerated, be aware that it takes people longer to acclimate to prison life than you might expect. So if another week goes by without him writing those love poems he had promised, just be thankful he had time to write you anything at all. Take that list of items he wants you to get for him before your next visit and tell him you'll get right on it.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

Today during the poker game at the Birch Street Nursing Home, the patients were talking about how quickly they got out of the building during the fire drill last week. They were so proud I decided not to hold another fire drill today. Since none of them had their shoes or jackets on, I knew it would take a lot longer, and I didn't want them to be disappointed in themselves.

Spread The Word

Help spread the word, Kiddies! The next time your local city council holds a meeting, sign up to make a public comment. Then use the two minutes you are allotted to tell everyone the benefits of following Grandmother Winsome's advice.

Jane's Advice For Dating A Prisoner

If your boyfriend is incarcerated, and hasn't yet written you the love poems he'd promised, don't hold it against him. While you might think a prisoner would have nothing but time on his hands to write those poems, it turns out that a lot of time each day is taken with lining up for inspections, working out in the yard, and getting to know his cellmate. So don't berate him too much on visiting day. Tell him you understand, and he can make it up to you next week.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

This morning when I got to the Birch Street Nursing Home, all the patients were in the activity room, and they had on their jackets and shoes. When I asked them what was going on, Mrs. Henley said they were ready for this week's fire drill. She said that because I looked disappointed by how long it took last week, they'd all decided to be prepared this time. I was about to explain to them that a fire drill has to be a surprise, but since they put in so much effort, I took out the whistle and blew it. So today we set a new record time for evacuating the building. It took only twelve minutes and fourteen seconds. The patients were pleased with their success.

Jane's Advice For Dating A Prisoner

Continuing to date someone who has become incarcerated really shows you're committed to the relationship, since you have to fill out forms and get up early to sign in on visiting days. So when he is out soon on appeal, he will be all the more eager to reward your loyalty with expensive dinners and gifts. But while he is in prison, don't pester him about which restaurant he'll take you to first. Tell him instead that writing a love poem to you every day will suffice until he is back on the street.

Grandmother Winsome's Tips For Better Living

Keep a pair of running shoes in your car. You never know when you might suddenly want, or need, to go for a run.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

This week during math class, I was thinking about how long it took to get all the patients on the school bus on Memorial Day, and started to worry about how long it might take to get them out of the nursing home if there is a fire. It's been a while since we've had a fire drill at the Birch Street Nursing Home. So today during a bathroom break in the poker game, I blew the whistle. Apparently, everyone had forgotten what the whistle means, because no one moved. After a minute of blowing the whistle, I gave up and shouted "Fire" while waving my arms. Our record time for everyone getting out of the building is thirty-four minutes and fifty seconds. But we did not come close to that time today. There were a few bright spots, however. Mrs. Lieberman was very quick at gathering all the money from the poker table and was the first one out the door. Although Mr. Pearlman did take a tumble down the stairs, Mrs. Kunkle and Mr. Tanaka were there to help him up and guide him out of the building. And Mrs. Henley went back inside only twice to save more snacks.