Grandmother Winsome's Legal Advice

A homeless encampment provides a perfect spot to unload incriminating evidence. Chances are whatever you drop off will be pawed through, resulting in several more sets of fingerprints on it. And the city will periodically clean up the entire area, hauling away all the garbage without looking into any of it too closely. So before contacting the mayor's office to complain about the homeless problem, think of the benefits of the camp's presence.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

Today Mrs. Henley got a royal flush! She was the first patient at the Birch Street Nursing Home to do so since the start of the poker club, and she celebrated with a second helping of medicine.

Grandmother Winsome's Legal Advice

Hiding evidence under fresh cement might seem like a good idea, but it can be risky. Depending on the location, fresh cement could draw the authorities' attention, especially if they are already working on the missing person case. So pick your spot carefully, and once the cement is dry, dirty it up a bit to give it some age. And be sure not to let your children carve their initials and the date in the drying cement.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

This morning when I arrived at the Birch Street Nursing Home, some of the patients asked me if they could go outside again. They had such a good time last Saturday, and today wanted to go for a longer walk. I thought it was a great idea and suggested packing a lunch. So they packed up their medicine and some juice to wash it down, and soon we were on our way. I took Sniffles The Eighth with us. Even though he turned out not to be such a good seeing eye dog for Mr. Pearlman, most of the other patients like having him around. We weren't out nearly as long as I had expected because Mrs. Patterson suddenly started screaming. When I calmed her enough that she could talk, she said that with all of us gone except Mr. Pearlman, there was just a blind man guarding the Birch Street Nursing Home. She started pulling on my arm and said that Mrs. Shimshack has been waiting for a moment like this to sneak in and steal everyone's remaining possessions. I reminded her that Mrs. Shimshack has been dead for many years, but Mrs. Patterson refused to listen. So we went back to the Birch Street Nursing Home, where everything was fine, except Mr. Pearlman, who had taken another tumble down the stairs.

Dating Tips From The Winsome Women

Now that the pandemic is over and people are dating in person again rather than online, remember that it's important to shave your legs and shower.

Fanny Mail: A New Baby Formula Recipe

Kiddies, you may have heard that there is a current shortage of baby formula. Well, long-time fan Gladys Proctor of San Diego has something to say about it. Gladys writes: "Dear Grandmother Winsome, a lot of people have been up in arms about the baby formula shortage, so I offered my own recipe. Sadly, it was rejected by nearly every cooking site I submitted it to. Most people just don't have a sense of humor anymore. Anyway, I thought your fans would appreciate it. Pour these items into a large bowl: one glass of chocolate milk, two cups of baby powder, half a cup of corn syrup, one stick of butter, a teaspoon of vanilla extract, and cinnamon to taste. Stir vigorously until your arm gets tired, then serve. It is best served chilled with a side of popcorn."

Thanks, Sweetie! I'm sure my readers, especially those with newborns, will get a kick out of this.

Grandmother Winsome's Legal Advice

If your activities take place in areas prone to drought, don't hide evidence in bodies of water.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

It was a nice day today at the Birch Street Nursing Home, and Mrs. Kunkle suggested taking a break from poker and going outside. So I took the patients for a walk across the street to the Birch Street Cemetery.  We all had such a good time that when we got back, Mrs. Lieberman suggested we move the poker tables to the front lawn and continue our game there.

Grandmother Winsome's Legal Advice

Kiddies, you can hide excess blood in the red bingo daubers at your local senior citizens center.

Grandmother Winsome's Tips For Better Living

Kiddies, conserve water! You don't want the level of your local reservoir to drop so much that the bodies will be discovered.

Dating Tips From The Winsome Women

Now that the pandemic is over and people are dating in person again rather than online, men are going to see more than just our heads and shoulders, so it's time to dust off that gym membership card.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

This morning when I arrived at the Birch Street Nursing Home, there was a note for me from the head nurse. She said that Mr. Pearlman fell down the stairs several times early in the week, and the next time I have the patients do the spring cleaning, not to bother waxing the railing on the staircase.

Fanny Mail: Another Follow-Up From Tanya Platt

Kiddies, I just received a new email from longtime fan Tanya Platt of Lawton, Oklahoma. As you'll recall, Tanya wrote to me recently about her new job at her local newspaper, where her first assignment was writing obituaries. Today Tanya writes: "Dear Grandmother Winsome, you asked me to keep you posted about my writing assignments. Well, today there was some unexpected drama at the grand opening of my town's new toy store. While the mayor was getting ready to cut the ribbon, a young child lost control of his skateboard and ended up running straight into the large pair of scissors the mayor was holding. So I ended up writing another obituary after all. Once the body was carted away and the blood was cleaned up, the store opened and the remaining children had a spectacular time."

Tanya, I'm so happy to hear that your new career is going well. Keep up the good work, Sweetie!

Fanny Mail: A Message From A Happy Fan

Kiddies, a few hours ago I received an email from Steve Anderson of Wildwood, Missouri. Steve writes: "Dear Grandmother Winsome, I just want to tell you how much I appreciate your advice, especially your tip from December 5th, in which you advised people to buy stock in companies that manufacture wire hangers. Well, thanks to your advice and this new Supreme Court ruling, I stand to make a bundle. If you have any other stock tips, let us know."

Will do, Steve!

Dating Tips From The Winsome Women

Now that the pandemic is over and people are back to dating in person rather than online, it's time to purchase some loose-fitting sweaters to help hide the extra pounds put on during the last two years.