Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

Today some researchers showed up at the Birch Street Nursing Home. They said they were from a nearby college, and were conducting an important experiment that required blood samples from elderly subjects. I gave permission for all the patients to take part.

A Warning About Cat Cafés

Kiddies, I just returned from a so-called "cat café," and I must warn you that, despite the name, the restaurant did not serve cat meat. And it was certainly not due to a lack of cats, as they had several of them running around the place. Obviously, no one had explained to them proper cat storage, which is so important particularly in a place that serves food. I immediately called the authorities to report the several health code violations I witnessed.

Grandmother Winsome's Tips For Better Living

Always be polite when declining an invitation. And if you feel an explanation is necessary, simply tell the person that you will be catching up on Grandmother's Fanny Game posts that evening.

Dating Tips From The Winsome Women

Don't worry if your date takes you to an all-you-can-eat buffet and fills several containers with food to take home. He is almost certainly saving money to buy a great gift for you.

Spread The Word

Kiddies, it is important to not forget our history. So if you are an author or publisher of textbooks for schools, be sure to include a little Winsome Family History in each book.

Fanny Mail: Election Results

Kiddies, today I received a letter from Eileen Bradford of Cedarville, Ohio. Eileen writes: "Dear Grandmother Winsome, in the recent primary election, I was in charge of counting the mail-in ballots for our town. I was surprised to see that Louise Sudbury had written in 'Grandmother Winsome' for Commissioner. Not familiar with the name, I did a little research and was pleased to find the Grandmother's Fanny Game blog. Now I count myself among your fans, and plan on voting for you in November, for whatever office you'd like."

Well, Eileen, I am delighted to hear that people all over the country want Grandmother Winsome in positions of power. I don't believe I can hold political office in several states at once, but I will look into it. And I am tickled pink to have a new fan in Ohio.

Grandmother Winsome's Legal Advice

If you're looking for a short-term hiding spot for evidence, consider a flower bed. Most people are respectful of flowers and won't go stomping around in there. Just remember this is for a short term only. Once those flowers are dead, your evidence should be long gone.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

One of my chores at the Birch Street Nursing Home is answering the phone. Today I actually got a call. It was from a couple who would like to drop off a family member and asked for a tour. I told them there were no vacancies at the moment, but to stop by for a tour anyway, because Mr. Yeats hasn't been looking too good and is not expected to be here much longer.

Grandmother Winsome's Tips For Better Living

Kiddies, while I understand the urge to constantly check the Grandmother's Fanny Game blog for updates, please refrain from doing so if you're at the movie theater. If your curiosity is getting the better of you, quietly get up and go into the lobby before taking out your phone.

Grandmother Winsome's Tips For Better Living

When going to see a movie, carry a stash of strong sedatives in your purse, and slip them into the drinks of any children seated near you at the theater. That way, they won't talk during the picture. Be sure to do it during the previews, so they'll be out cold before the feature starts.

Dating Tips From The Winsome Women

Don't worry if your date tells the server it's your birthday in order to get a free dessert. He is likely saving money to buy a great gift for you.

Grandmother Winsome's Tips For Better Living

If you want to be referred to as "Doctor," but have no wish to go through the rigmarole of an extended education, simply have your first name legally changed to Doctor.

Grandmother's Winsome's Tips For Better Living

Kiddies, while I understand the urge to constantly check the Grandmother's Fanny Game blog for updates, if you work as a bus driver, wait until a handicapped person is getting on or off. The time it takes for the lift to operate should be sufficient for you to read the latest update.

Grandmother Winsome's Legal Advice

If you are going to post a message on a deceased person's social media page on the anniversary of his or her death, be sure not to include any information that the police don't already have.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

Today my list of chores at the Birch Street Nursing Home was printed much more neatly than usual. And the tasks were completely different from other weeks. All of them involved taking care of Mr. Matthews. I did the first couple of items on the list, clipping his toe nails and giving him a sponge bath, but when the other patients began complaining about being hungry, I went back to my usual routine, which includes feeding the patients and giving them their medication.

Spread The Word

If you work as a meteorologist, whenever the forecast calls for rain, tell your viewers that it will be the perfect weather for staying inside and reading the Grandmother's Fanny Game blog.

Grandmother Winsome's Tips For Better Living

Kiddies, our grasp on reality is, at best, a tenuous thing. So if someone claims that you owe him money, tell him you don't recall and that it was likely just a dream he had. If he insists, then tell him you'll repay him in another dream.

Dating Tips From The Winsome Women

Don't worry if your date doesn't leave a tip at the restaurant. He may be saving money to buy a great gift for you.

Grandmother Winsome's Legal Advice

Kiddies, be sure to instruct every member of your family to refrain from signing up for any of those ancestry tests. Giving your DNA to a company is never a good idea, particularly when those companies share their information with the government. Remember, if a relative sends in his or her DNA, he or she is essentially sending in your DNA as well, and that of everyone in your family. Stay out of the system, Kiddies!

Grandmother Winsome's Legal Advice

While barbed wire may be a strong deterrent to would-be intruders, keep in mind that it may also raise suspicion among the authorities.

Grandmother Winsome's Tips For Better Living

If you decide to leave a family member at a nursing home, be sure to first take all of his or her valuables. Theft is rampant in those places, and besides, he or she won't need those items in there anyway.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

Today at the Birch Street Nursing Home, Mrs. Patterson started yelling again about how Mrs. Shimshack was stealing from her. She got several of the other patients so upset that they became convinced that Mrs. Shimshack was stealing from them too. After a group of them began demanding justice, I organized a trip to the Birch Street Cemetery so that everyone could view Mrs. Shimshack's grave.

Grandmother Winsome's Tips For Better Living

When friends or family try to burden you with their relationship problems, don't get involved. Simply refer them to Dating Tips From The Winsome Women.

Grandmother Reaches 1,000

Kiddies, I just noticed that today's Legal Advice was the 1,000th post to go up on Grandmother's Fanny Game. What a wonderful milestone to reach in the Year of the Grandmother.

Grandmother Winsome's Legal Advice

A gift of fresh coffee and bagels will encourage construction workers to look the other way as you dump evidence into the foundation of the new building.

Grandmother Winsome's Tips For Better Living

Having a family member committed to an insane asylum will free up a room in your house, which you can rent out for extra cash.

Dating Tips From The Winsome Women

Don't worry if your date insists on taking you out for dinner on a Tuesday during happy hour. He might be saving money to buy a great gift for you.

Spread The Word

Help spread the word, Kiddies! If you suspect someone in the room is wearing a wire, be sure to tell everyone listening to follow the Grandmother's Fanny Game blog.

A Tip From Grandmother Winsome

While you may be able to get a dog to bury a bone or two, you can't rely on it to bury an entire skeleton.

Cindy's Job At The Birch Street Nursing Home

Today at the Birch Street Nursing Home, I spent much of the afternoon calming Mrs. Patterson down. She was certain that she was being robbed, shouting over and over, "Mrs. Shimshack's stealing from me again!" She didn't believe me when I reminded her that Mrs. Shimshack died almost five years ago, and didn't calm down until it was time for her nap.

Spread The Word

Help spread the word, Kiddies! The next time you’re at a wine-tasting event, and you sample something particularly good, exclaim “Grandmother Winsome would just love this one!”

Grandmother Winsome's Legal Advice

Kiddies, it's that time of year when many of you will be traveling to the ocean for vacation. While burying someone in the sand at the beach may sound like a good idea, it could actually be dangerous. An unexpectedly large wave at high tide could wash away the sand and expose the body before you leave town.