Cindy's Special Assignment

I am always excited to help Grandmother, and now she's given me a special new assignment to perform each morning before I go to school. In the basement, there is a secret room that I didn't even know existed, and every morning I unlock its door to let the Mexican maid out. I am pleased that Grandmother has entrusted me with this task, although Allie says the Mexican maid must have done something terrible for Grandmother to lock her up like that every night, and she has warned me to be careful.

Keeping My Mexican Maid!

To keep my Mexican maid safe from deportation, I lock her in the basement of Winsome Headquarters every night after she finishes her duties. They will not find her there. From what I've heard, her many children have already been deported, but I am keeping that information from her, because I think it might cause a drop in her productivity.

Dating Tips From The Winsome Women

If you are looking for a way out of a marriage, one trick is to start flirting with violent, unstable men, and simply tell them, "Oh, if only I were single, you would be exactly the kind of guy I could fall for." Remember, you won't have to actually follow through if one of them does do away with your husband, because he will be in jail for a long time.

Dating Tips From The Winsome Women

I've heard that men don't appreciate women who appear to be self-centered. So when on a first date, pay enough attention to the man's stories that you can ask one or two follow-up questions. Keeping him talking about himself will keep him interested in you. And if he believes you to be considerate, even altruistic, then later when you mention a few items that you might like to someday own, he will be more likely to purchase them for you immediately, thinking that it is a rare thing for you to want something for yourself.

Keeping My Mexican Maid!

While deportations might seem like a good idea to help clear our clogged highways, nobody had better try to take away my undocumented Mexican maid. You'll remember that she is locked into a contract with me for another five years. And a U.S. citizen would likely demand even more than the $2.10 an hour she and I settled on after our lengthy negotiations.