Spreading The Word In San Francisco

Kiddies, brighten up your office with a Grandmother Winsome bumper sticker, just as this loyal fan did in San Francisco.

Loyal Fan Spreads The Word In North Hollywood

Kiddies, I am delighted with the overwhelmingly positive response to the "I'm following Grandmother Winsome" bumper stickers. I just received an email from an excited fan in North Hollywood, who now proudly displays the sticker on his vehicle, and even took a photo to share with me. I'm sure he'll be pleased that I'm sharing the photo with all his fellow fans.

Edward's "For Your Information"

School children become very confused and distracted when a fire alarm is pulled first thing in the morning.

Everyone Follows Grandmother Winsome

Kiddies, I am delighted to be receiving requests from so many fans for the wonderful "I'm following Grandmother Winsome" bumper stickers! The reaction is even better than I'd expected. I've already mailed out several, and I've instructed Cindy to order more. Keep those requests coming, Kiddies!

Cindy Helps Spread The Word

Kiddies, I am so pleased with Cindy! When I came up from the basement moments ago, after tinkering with some cats, she presented to me her first art project of the school year. I was surprised and delighted with what she had created - bumper stickers that read, "I'm following Grandmother Winsome." What a great start to her school year!

Cindy's Art Projects

My first art project of the school year was to create an image of people helping each other in the community, but Grandmother told me that whatever I did had to help spread the word about Grandmother's Fanny Game. I wasn't sure what to do, and today the teacher reminded us that the projects are due Monday. Allie and I were hanging out in front of the school during lunch, and she pointed out the teacher's car, which had a bumper sticker about saving the whales. And that's how I came up with the idea of a bumper sticker that would help spread the word for Grandmother.

Cindy's Art Projects

Kiddies, Cindy just told me she was assigned her first art project of the new school year. The project has something to do with creating positive images of people in the community working together to solve a problem. But that, of course, wouldn't help spread the word about Grandmother's Fanny Game. So I changed her assignment, and now Cindy is tasked with finding a new way to help spread the word about my wonderful blog.

Results From Experiment 8377 (The Remote Control Experiment)

Kiddies, you might recall that back in July another cat experiment enthusiast attempted to access the data to my current experiment. In that blog entry, I promised that I would share the results as soon as the experiment was completed. Well, good new, Kiddies! I have just completed it. It took longer than usual, for this one required a full gross of cats, forcing me to rearrange some things in the basement to clear enough space for one hundred forty-four cat boxes. But the extra effort was well worth it.

As you are most likely aware, we already have tracking chips that can be inserted in animals so that we'll know where they are at all times. While this can prove useful in collecting data, I thought we could go further, and actually control the animals' movements. The idea was rather than simply knowing where the cats go, we tell them where to go. So I went to the local toy store and purchased several remote control cars, and began taking them apart to insert the pieces into cats.

One objective of the experiment was to maintain the natural look and abilities of the cats. So, for example, I discarded the cars' wheels rather than attach them to the cats' paws. Also, I didn't include headlights or a horn. And I didn't want the antennas to be noticeable, so I inserted them into the cats' tails.

While none of the cats moved any great distances, seventeen of the animals (11.8% of the sample size) twitched when I pressed the "Forward" button on the control panel. I found when I switched the cats into four-wheel drive, I got the best results - that is, the most twitching. Cat 098 twitched for nearly thirty-eight seconds while in four-wheel drive. This is quite promising, and an indication of the experiment's potential. Certainly, this experiment merits further investigation and more trials, for when it is perfected, the cats can be used for all sorts of things. They could remove or bury evidence, distract guard dogs to allow you easy access to a property, or perform reconnaissance work (with the simple addition of cameras built into their eyes). You could also cause a black cat to cross the path of anyone for whom you wish bad luck. Cat storage might be a problem of the past, because when this is perfected, you'll simply be able to turn your cats off when they're not needed.

Spread The Word

Help spread the word, Kiddies! In your online dating profile, be sure to write "Dedicated follower of Grandmother Winsome." This will also help you attract higher quality dates.

Spread The Word

Help spread the word, Kiddies! If you're homeless, be sure to leave enough room on your cardboard sign for the line, "Follow Grandmother Winsome."

Labor Day Negotiations With The Mexican Maid

After a morning spent in negotiations with my Mexican maid, I am pleased to announce we've come to a new arrangement. I have agreed to give her a 5% raise, provided she sign on for another five years. She'll now be making $2.10 an hour. This should put an end to her concerns about not being able to feed her many children. Of course, because of this increase in pay, I will be expecting more from her now. Excited about her first raise, the Mexican maid agreed to work today for free, which is good, because as I am nearing the end of an elaborate experiment, there is a lot of cleaning to do in the basement.