Grandmother Winsome's Legal Advice

It's a good idea to start developing a few odd, but harmless quirks, to lay the foundation for a possible insanity defense, should the need for one ever arise.

Spread The Word

Help spread the word, Kiddies! When leaving messages in the guest sign-in books at national monuments, be sure to write, "Follow the Grandmother's Fanny Game blog."

Grandmother Winsome's Legal Advice

Practice varying your handwriting, Kiddies, for each alias you use should have its own unique signature.

Suspicious Activity

Kiddies, when I logged on to my blog today, I received a message which read, "There's been suspicious activity on your Google account." I'm delighted that a competitor in the world of cat research is so eager to learn of my current experiment that he or she would attempt to access my data. As you know, Kiddies, I am always happy to share my results, but not until a study has been completed. I expect this one will take at least another few weeks, for I still need to finish testing on the final dozen subjects. But stay tuned, eager fans, and I will post the results here.

Fanny Mail: A Communication Question

Hi, Kiddies! In Saturday's mail I received a letter from Benjamin Wilcox of Akron, Ohio. Benjamin writes: "Dear Grandmother Winsome, I firmly believe that 'No' means no. However, in the case where a woman speaks no English, how am I expected to know what anything she says means? The woman I allegedly raped spoke not a single word of English. So how was I to know what she was saying? She might have been urging me on, or perhaps even talking about something completely unrelated. Certainly, she was repeating something. But in all the excitement she never once uttered the word 'No,' at least not in any language I understand. Yet this case is actually going to trial. What do you advise?"

Well, Benjamin, as I understand from your letter, you certainly would have stopped had the woman only asked you to in a language you understood. There are more than six thousand languages currently spoken in the world, and I don't think a person can be held accountable for not knowing them all. It's just not reasonable. Perhaps if you convey to the judge your willingness to take some foreign language classes in order to avoid this sort of confusion in the future, he will dismiss the case. After all, a willingness to learn demonstrates that your heart is in the right place.

Winsome Family History: July 13, 1956

It was on this date in 1956 that I agreed to be the beard for a famous movie star. In return, he agreed to fund the very first Winsome Family Laboratory. The cost included a hundred dollars in cats, which in those days was quite a lot.

Grandmother Winsome's Legal Advice

One way to dispose of a small amount of evidence is to place it inside a plush toy, then drop the toy in a donation box for the poor.

Fanny Mail: Another Success Story

Hi, Kiddies! I am always tickled pink to know that my advice makes a positive impact on people's lives. I just received a letter from a grateful fan in Los Angeles who writes: "Dear Grandmother Winsome, the excellent legal advice you provided back in February of 2015 really came in handy in what otherwise could have been a dicey situation. The murder trial felt like it was going in the prosecution's favor until the judge played the 911 call and the jury heard me yell, 'Hang in there, honey, they're on their way!'  I believe that's when they became convinced of my innocence. Two of the jurors were even brought to tears in what became the turning point of the trial. Thank you so much."

You're welcome, Sweetie! And for those of you who might have missed it, you can click here to read the excellent legal advice this fan is referring to.

Spread The Word

Help spread the word, Kiddies! In your counseling sessions, during the word association game, always answer, "Grandmother Winsome."

Grandmother Winsome's Tips For Better Living

If your workplace offers free counseling, take it, provided that you are still on the clock. Any time spent in the counselor's office is time you won't be expected to do any work.