Wednesday, May 29, 2013

A Tip From Edward





To lessen the chance of any escapes, paint your windows shut.  Then, to avoid any suspicion, simply take a thin black marker and add a line where the window meets the sill. That way, everything will appear normal to any busybodies who happen by.

Saturday, May 25, 2013

Cindy Cheers Up The Elderly (Week 21)


This week to cheer up the elderly, I told Mrs. Geffner that blue is a pretty color for hair.

Wednesday, May 22, 2013

A Message From Jane




We need to protect endangered species, particularly the ones that would provide us with beautiful fur coats. For example, if there were more snow leopards in the world, then it wouldn’t be as difficult for us to buy full-length coats made from their gorgeous furs. Help lift restrictions on fashion. Protecting animals helps us all.

Monday, May 20, 2013

Fanny Mail: A Relationship Question




Today I received an email from Hector Rodriguez.

Hector writes: “My girlfriend likes to leave the lights on when we make love. But that makes it much more difficult for me to fantasize that she’s my mother. How do I convince her to keep the lights out, and to say, ‘That’s a good boy, that’s a good boy’ when I please her?”

Hector, just tell her what you like. In my experience, being forward about one’s wishes always works best. And if the person doesn’t respond well, then you know she’s not the right one for you.

Saturday, May 18, 2013

Cindy Cheers Up The Elderly (Week 20)




This week to cheer up the elderly, I visited Mrs. Chang at the Birch Street Nursing Home on Mother’s Day. Her family couldn’t make it, because they were busy going white water rafting.

Wednesday, May 15, 2013

A Tip From Edward



When girl scouts come to your door, it’s polite to invite them in to try some of your own cookies. 

Monday, May 13, 2013

Fanny Mail: A Children’s Medication Question




Today I received an email from Theresa Bellevue of Austin, Texas.

Theresa writes: “I know children’s medication is different from that of adults, but I’m having trouble finding sleeping pills specifically for children. Should I just give them adult-strength sedatives, but simply fewer of them? Will three suffice?”

Yes, Theresa, I think three should do the trick, assuming the children in question haven’t had a big meal.

Saturday, May 11, 2013

Cindy Cheers Up The Elderly (Week 19)


This week to cheer up the elderly, I reminded them that they have absolutely no obligations.

Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Minutes Of The May 4th Meeting


I received a lot of questions about the last meeting, and so I have decided to release the minutes.